Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Bought a flight to come see me
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pilar.
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Pilar
So a few months ago on my birthday, I got a tarot reading and they told me right before the fall, the one i will marry will reveal themselves to me and confess their true love and it was someone i already know from a past life.
Story:
I met JR 10 years ago. When we met, He was 24, I was 19 and I was head over heels in love with him. Our relationship turned into an FWB because he “wasn’t ready to be serious” and after 2 years on and off in 2013 we stopped seeing each other after I stood him 2X because I was busy with college and finishing my bachelors.So anyway, he called me randomly in 2015 asking to meet up but by then I was married and told him to not contact me and 2 years later I got divorced and moved to a different state after getting my masters degree.
In 2018 he requested me on FB. We exchanged # and spoke on the phone and spoke for like 3 hours catching up and he was saying why did I get married, and that WE shouldv’e been married and had kids by now etc. I was like when I wanted you, you didnt want me so thats on you and we laughed about it.
About a month after that, he texted me “Hey i’m in town visiting family and hope to see you “i responded, “you should’ve told me in advance so we could have made plans. I was working 3 jobs at the time and we made plans to meet up but i ended up having to cancel with him 3x cause of work. The day he left, he sent me a message saying “I can’t believe you stood me up again. I really hoped to see you after all these years. and I responded, “well you hit me up last minute, and I wasn’t going to call out of work to come see you, you don’t pay my bills. He responded, okay well if I ever come back i’ll let you know in advance.
We spoke on and off since 2018 but i was in/out of different relationships so I hardly ever responded and We didnt’ really talk again until this year in may 2020 when he contacted me during quarantine, In conversation he asked me “how come I never wanted him” and I told him “dude you need to move on, you are stuck in the past, when I wanted you 10 years ago you turned me down. You are nostalgic”
He blamed it on me and said that deep down he always knew I was the one and that its my fault we are not together but i’m the one that always stood him up, disappeared, turned him down and got married etc. I’m like yeah its called moving on and living your life, I wasn’t going to spend my life chasing you, we were just FWB’s 10 years ago like how many times do I have to explain myself. (This wasn’t me yelling, it was a heart to heart conversation)
Any way so then I asked, and why are you even single, like why aren’t you married with kids, and he mentioned that he has been in 3 serious relationships but he has never someone that made him even consider marriage and that he always wanted to be financially secure before settling down with anyone. Which he is now, he is in real estate and very wealthy.
I personally think he is going through a mid life crisis or just got dumped and realizing he’s getting old now that he’s 34. So anyway, we’ve been talking on/off for the last few months and he keeps begging to come see me so we can “talk”. and last night he texted me a photo of his flight ticket saying “I decided to book a flight and take a risk, i’m sure you’re just going to stand me up as usual, but I want you to see that I am serious and really want to see you, I’m going to be staying with family but I’ll be here and whenever you want to meet up just call me”
So I’m guessing he is the guy my tarot reading was talking about. I haven’t responded to him because i don’t know how to feel about this. like what is he expecting is going to happen, we’re going to lock eyes and be inseperable? Like why after all of these years he is so desperate to “see me”. Is it my fault for entertaining him every time he contacted me? Any advice would be very helpful. Thank you.
Peggy
This guy has yo-yoed for years. He does not seem to know what/who he wants…if anyone. I would give him a wide berth! He is coming to your area and bought a ticket because he is visiting family-not because he plans to declare his undying love and propose. He is even leaving it to you to contact him! My guess is that if you contact him,he will happily have a whirlwind week or two of sex and then be gone again… Do not base your life and decisions on Tarot cards. Avoid this guy like the plague. If he was the one,he would have been with you all these years.
Newbie
I dont think you will get many people here who believe in tarot card readings. At least im not one. I enjoy readings for an entertainment factor. The fact that you link the tarot card to this guy is more telling to me.
I have a hard time believing this guy is serious but if he booked a flight, then at least meet up. I find a lot of your responses a bit, its hard to find a word for it, abrasive but not really in the sense you are rude. But sort of shrugging your shoulders saying go pester someone else dude. I could have been yours but you didnt want it. So i would say you have tor walls up (and probably rightfully so) but at the same time you keep responding. Its hard for me to understand. You care or you dont care. But he booked a ticket, do meet up. But if he still lives a flight away, whats the point of thinking this is a good romantic prospect. For me he still isnt. He cant say he is ready all day long, but texting far away women he is, doesnt say ready to me. If he was ready he would be dating. I think you are right he might be rebounding.
Anyway, question for you is: why do you think he is the tarot card guy. Why not ex husband or any other lover?Newbie
*he can say he is ready all day long
Pilar
@newbie, the ex husband is a hell no lol, we are good friends now and i have no interest in him romantically.
And I think its him because he is the only person from the “past to reveal” themselves. there is more to the story but that would have been like a 10 page book. I think that deep down I kind of would like it to work and did want to at one point in my life but this was so long ago so those are feelings I don’t want to revisit to just get hurt again.
Newbie
Yeah thats the problem. Its you being guarded and hopefull at the same time. I would check your recent ‘selfesteem’. If you are feeling good about yourself, enjoying yourself, not in a funk then you can meet this guy and check if he is full of hot air or not. If you are not being your best self atm and for whatever reason in a funk, questioning yourself etc there is a high change your guy picker is off and you can get hooked on a complete bad case of infatuation. Go with that if you understand what i mean.
Pilar
@newbie, wow thank you. You are 100% right, I never looked at it this way.
Ss
Hmmm. The tarot stuff should be treated with caution! I don’t see it as real but anyway….
I would meet him and keep an open mind. Don’t expect too much or anything really. If you are in a good place its easier for you to go in with your eyes open.
I don’t agree that the on/off stuff means he is a bad bet. Sometimes people aren’t ready and circumstances don’t line up. My boyfriend and i have been in and out each others lives for two and half years and its only now just aligned that we were both single and in the right place for a relationship at the same time. When we met i adored him but was 3 weeks out of my marriage. He chose a safer bet and he was right as if we had dated then it would have been a disaster!!
Anyway, no harm in meeting but do take Newbies good advice on being mindful about where you are at mentally
X
Tallspicy
Am I the only one who thinks that maybe you are the flaky one? He broke up with you because you kept standing him up? Well, then you deserved it. There is no reason to stand anyone up these days. Even 10 years ago. The fact that he keeps chasing you means you seem to be caught in some weird push pull thing that seems really unhealthy on the surface.
I hope you no longer stand people up, it’s rude. And as to when he visited last time, well he asked last minute. So that is not standing someone up.
May as well see him.
Pilar
@Ss yes definitely taking newbies advice to be mindful of where I’m at mentally. Thank you
@tall spicy lol yes no more tarot readings for me and he never broke up with me, we were never in a serious relationship, only FWB and Its not like I cancelled our plans on purpose, as mentioned, I was in college and either had a test to study for or paper to finish writing so had to cancel our plans and eventually we just drifted apart and stopped talking.
And yes you’re right I too find it odd that 10 years later we are still in a push pull situation. I will just meet with him to see what he has to say and see what will happen.
KD
@Pilar
Sounds like you’ve got some stellar advice already, so I just wanted to share my story instead.
I’m in a new relationship with my first love from high school. We were together 9 months back in the day..absolutely swooning..and he broke my heart! Lol. No funny business, I just didn’t see it coming and he moved on quickly in my mind.
We stayed in contact over the years more than I remembered (Thank you FB messenger for saving the data lol) but it had been a LONG time.
He never really had big plans to get out of our hometown, I couldn’t wait to leave. It was one of those that wouldn’t have lasted, anyway.
15 years later, I was visiting home for my annual girls trip.. short version is a lot of mini things happened (FB posts/memories) that put the image of him back in my mind and had me reaching out with NO expectations. (I didn’t even let him know I was coming home.)
He ended up responding and it started a conversation that was exactly as easy and natural as our banter was back in the day, as if no time had passed.
We both have had a series of not-so-great long-term relationships.. we both had been working on ourselves for over a year.. I have two kids and live 1600 miles away..
And yet in meeting back up it was obvious. He invited me on a date– it was clear he had paid attention to every word I had said (which wasn’t much!) in mini chats online. I was still just going in hoping for a cute hookup (we never did in high school so it felt full circle lol).. and even taking it slowly, it just felt like we were meant for so much more.
Needless to say, it’s everything they say on this site is healthy. It feels easy. Feels at home. Which brings up some uneasy feelings for me lol. But he’s patient.. and kind.. and the reason I read this in the first place. (He just booked his first flight to visit me since I left..it’s only been a few weeks.)
You’ll know if it’s right. I say meet up. Go in open. Recognize when it’s your own baggage, not his, that’s clouding your emotions/opinions about it all. <3 Good luck!
pilar
Thank you KD what a cute and great story! So awesome he bought a flight to come see you! I hope guys work out!!!
I did decide not to meet up with him. What happened between us was just so long ago and I don’t want to revisit those feelings just to get hurt/disapointed again. I know myself and I can’t lie and act like I won’t have any expectations from us meeting. I let him know that I was blocking his number for good and decided to move on in my life and he should to and wished him the best.
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