boyfriend abused my cat and left for the night?!I'm so confused! plus more

this is really a no-brainer…take the cat and never look back. And never settle for bad treatment again. It will feel wonderful. trust me.

I came home and he was home… he was getting ready because he had to leave.. he asked me where his belt was as if everything was okay. I found it for him and walked away. Not myself at all . I didn’t kiss him or say sorry (seems I’m always the one that says it whenever we fight (he says it’s my fault)) he didn’t really say much until he left which all he said was see you later. Usually I cook dinner but I didn’t for him or even ask what he wanted (which I usually do).. I appreciate all the advice and I am taking it all seriously. I do want to feel wonderful because it has been a crap pt 2months.. I Def don’t like it. Thank you guys for your kindness and your advice. I thank you for whoever created a forum like this to be able to discuss this with people especially in times of need to have strong people help you see the truth even if it’s not the favorite truth. Thank you.

I hope you don’t decide to stay with him, even though he’s acting all sweet and you think you’re putting up a good demeanor by not apologizing, cooking dinner for him or talking to him the way you use to, GET OUT.

Please don’t take any offense to this, but it seems like you’re going to stay with him even after everything he’s done to you and your cat. Is he really worth it? I know you love him and it’s hard to walk away from someone you love but, can you honestly imagine a future with someone that is jealous, temperamental, and abusive?

I am so angry after reading this, you’re letting him abuse an animal. It’s disgusting that he feels comfortable enough to abuse your helpless kitten right in front of you. Anyone I know would be probably be scared to even YELL at my pets in front of me, forget actual physical abuse! Please give the kitten away to a shelter or to anyone else who can take care of it. I don’t care if you stay with this man because I suspect you will anyway, but please don’t allow any living creatures to be in the presence of that piece of sh*t of a “human being”. I would spit in his face and file animal abuse charges.

Thank you Sara for your concern for the kitten and your abrasive remark. I would not allow it like that to happen. I don’t take animal abuse lightly that is why I am coming to you guys for help. I didn’t allow the abuse to go long. Thank you for the concern that was far beyond what would happen. Thanks

RUN! Don’t look back. Their is nothing to love in that man. He likes controll and to hurt things smaller than himself, first the cat then you. This man is one huge red flag after another. Do not stay one more second.

I agree with h all this advice. People who are cruel to animals…helpless innocent victims will only escalate to worse things. He’s missing a piece of human emotion. Sociopath, psychopath… Who knows. But GTF out!!

Ton, I am not clear on why you are still there and why you have not broken up with him and gotten out. You and the kitten are in imminent danger. Do you realize you have the grounds for a restraining order? I can’t emphasize this enough – 1) he has abused the kitten in front of you – repeatedly by your own admission – and he still has access to the kitten – YOU are committing a crime as much as he is. You adopted the little guy, you are responsible for his care and safety. You would have to answer in a court of law why you didn’t remove the animal from the situation the minute this guy laid a finger on him. I don’t think you’re getting that.

As for you… he asks you where his belt is and you get it for him. Really???? Sweetie, you are acting like a battered wife. After what he has done to you and the animal… let him find his own f****** belt! Why the hell are you still in the house? We are all very, very concerned for you here. This is the kind of thing that ends up badly, splashed all over the newspaper. What state are you in? Can I or anyone else here do some research on what local resources you might have access to to help you get out? We don’t know how old you are, I presume you are in your 20s. Many of us are older and have experienced this, so we know what we’re talking about when we say GET OUT NOW. I had a boyfriend once who had a rage issue and the third time I told him I didn’t see it working out between us and started packing (he moved in with me because he loved me so much he wanted to be with me all the time – red flag), he got in my face, started using foul language, called me every dirty name in the book AND – get this – threatened “if you bring any of your male friends over here to help you move, I’ll take a knife from the kitchen and stab him in the heart and tell the police you did it.” This was years ago, and I still remember his EXACT words, because what he said was so sick and twisted. And this was a highly educated, professional man. MBA from an Ivy League school and a job paying $200K a year. Funny, within a week he had no recollection of saying it and claimed that I made it all up. These guys f*** with your head if you stay around them!

You have to snap out of the sadness and shock and get yourself and the kitten to physical safety. Today. Please.

Hi, please say you are now not with this ‘man’. He has every sign going of an abuser. That’s exactly how it begins, they’re lovely and then slowly but surely their true colours come through. He’s a controlling abuser! That’s why he has to hit a defenseless kitten and hold it down when it wants to move and tell you what to wear and make you decide him or the cat because this is all about POWER. He doesn’t love you because he’s not capable of love and you sweetheart need to run as fast as you can because I promise you it will get worse and you will end up a tired weary abuse victim, always walking on eggshells, wondering what you did wrong to make him angry today. It’s not you doing anything wrong, it’s him, he needs professional help. No man or anybody of sane mind hurts an innocent kitten and it’s true if you let it happen even one more time I’m sorry but you are as bad as him because you are accepting and letting it be abused, You must protect it, it didn’t ask to be brought into your home, it must be terrified! Why is he throwing it in a cage too? Cats shouldn’t be in cages, it’s going to end up dead if you stay with him. I’m sorry, I’m just so distressed by what I’ve read I feel so sorry for the kitty and for you of course but the difference is you have a choice to leave, the poor kitten doesnt so you have to get you and the cat away from him and dont ever let him near you or the cat again, not even once. Please trust me on this! He hadn’t changed, this is the real him…I know it’s hard but please please I’m begging you you need to leave not tomorrow, not in a week but now! Please be strong sweetheart and don’t let him manipulate you back, you can do it! xxx

Ton, what Zoe says is true. He could snap literally any minute and do harm to you and your little kitten. NEITHER OF YOU IS SAFE as long as you are there. What is holding you up? Call the landlord and follow up with a letter. Zoe is also right, don’t tell him you’re going, just pack it up and get away. Can you go today? Can you at least take the kitty today to where you adopted him and ask if they could keep him a few days until you can go too, or take him to your parents now? I’m praying for the safety of both of you and I check the site each day to make sure you are still posting. Many of us are very concerned and care what happens to you. xoxoxo Stefanie

This reminds me of the article I read about a week or two ago. It was about this couple who had a child. After the father gets home from work he would get annoyed and start beating the baby. The baby only lived for six weeks and died when the father threw the baby across the room. I few hours later the baby dies from loss of blood/trama to head.

Please don’t let this happen to the poor kitten. Take the kitten with you and get the hell out of there.

On a side note how do you post topics on this site???

Ton – everyone had given good advice but you are in shock and denial. Your situation is very easy to fix. Call a domestic abuse hotline and listen to a professional – you’re on here chatting like it’s a minor problem you want to talk over with a trusted girlfriend!!! No – this is deadly serious. Your only reason for staying is hoping he will change. The only way he will change is by you leaving. Staying let’s him believe you are weak, not serious about your feelings and care more about yourself than the cat. Stop playing grown ups with a child substitute kitten. To this type of man a kitten is a rival. He is already freaking out that you will want kids and take even more attention away from him. The woman who needs a pet is telling him he isn’t enough to satisfy her – he needs therapy – not an understanding doormat. He is acting like a spoiled child and they only change when their mothers get a backbone! You’re not his mum – you’re an accessory to cat and self abuse. These guys are sexy and passionate, single minded but it’s because they are spoiled – to him you are now a broken toy. The novelty has worn off – he needs 6 months of intense therapy. Put yourself first and ask your doctor for a referral to a psych – get your confidence back and only then do you have a chance of ever being able to trust this guy. Later you can go to couples counselling if he improves in a major way – if you love him – that’s the loving thing to do. Time to grow up and stop being a little girl – it’s hard but you are making him worse by spoiling him. Remember you deserve better! Stop making excuses, stop texting him and leave tonight – you’re being lazy and a coward. You love him and think you can change this – you have failed. Your only hope is to grow up and set a boundary here – leave and stop wasting time online! Your only hope for improvement is to get a backbone. You must be attracted to this type – they are not all abusive or dangerous but they all need to be left and told to go to therapy – it will make him a man or expose him as the weak piece of shit he is – still reading? Move your ass! You are wasting your life, not showing love to him, yourself or the cat – you are dreaming and feeling sad – stop it! I feel your pain – I know how you feel – been there – saved a few friends – no matter how much it hurts to do this – it will hurt 100 times more to stay – well? Pack your bags and kitten now. Get to your dad’s and fix your life from there – the hotline for abuse will have many suggestions if you are poor or lost for answers … if a part of you still loves him believe me – this is the ONLY way to wake him up and it will still take months before you could trust him and maybe a year before you could consider he was worth living with. Final hint – don’t live with them – if he isn’t adult enough to propose – he has issues. When you’re at your dad’s read up on all of this and work on your self esteem – get lots of help and laugh again. One day you may date him again, therapy, maturity, who knows but for now – move your dreamy ass and wake up – go, go, go!!!!!