Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Boyfriend and I have not talked for almost two weeks…
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 8 years, 9 months ago by
Khadija.
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Lana
My boyfriend has been under a lot of stress lately. He has been studying for a test which will further him in his career for the last two months. He started studying a little later than he would have liked, so he has been extremely stressed since he began studying. We have been fighting a lot more lately. We decided to stop talking almost two weeks ago until his exam was over. I had just finished helping him clean his house and went to the grocery store with him so he would have good food for late night studying. We laid down to relax after this was all finished and I pulled his comforter over my head because he turned on the lights. He got upset with me and lectured me to take it off my face because it’s white and I could get face oils on it. He said he thought I was doing it on purpose to bother him. I have no idea why he would think I would do this on purpose, and I was a little upset he did this because I just spent half of my day helping him. He didn’t even say thank you after I helped with his housework.
Instead of arguing, I decided I should just peacefully leave. On my way out he didn’t try to hug, kiss or even really say goodbye. I was sad, so I just turned to him and told him I haven’t been happy because he has been very grumpy since studying for this test. We argued for about twenty minutes. He said that I’m always “a mess” and to leave his house. Yes, I am emotional, but he can be very hard to deal with at times and sometimes I lose my patience. I made direct eye contact with him and explained to him how badly he was making me feel and he couldn’t keep eye contact with me and kept looking around like he was nervous. It was REALLY strange because before I made eye contact I don’t think he was taking me seriously.
As I was walking out he said that he was done with me. So I looked at him and calmly said, “okay, well that’s on you then.” And I quietly walked out. By the time I got home, he had called me five times in a row, which is very unlike him. He then texted me to call him. He called again and I answered and he apologized and said he has been under a lot of stress. I said that I didn’t think we should see each other until he finishes his exam because he doesn’t need extra stress. He agreed and kept asking me what I was going to do that day and ended the conversation by telling me he loved me. He never initiates that he loves me. He was being so much more nice than he ever is during that conversation.
It has been two weeks since we have talked (other than my single text to tell him good luck on the exam yesterday) and he took his exam today. What do I do now? I was thinking I should just wait for him to contact me at this point. I feel like I’m always putting in more effort to the relationship. I have no idea what he is thinking about me at this point, but I’m sure he’s surprised that I held out this long.
Please let me know what you think I should do. Thank you.
Ashley
Let him contact you
Wanderer
How long have you known each other? It sounds like he’s stressed and taking out frustrations out on you. Try not to take the personal but the bed comforter was a tad out of line, there’s other ways of saying it. My guy asks me to take off my socks, especially if they are dirty and I don’t even notice sometimes. He says it in a sweet way though, or he’ll just take off my shoes/socks.
Options2
If you really think how frequent you are on his mind. Wait for him to reach out.
6StringedMedicine
Have you now learned what to do when he has something stressful going on in his life? If you dont, then do not contact him until you understand that.
Nevertheless, hes done his exam. So he should contact you. If he doesnt in a week, just send him a message saying youre thinking about him and having a nice day. Im sure hell reach out before then.
Raven
I’d leave him be…
& I certainly would not clean or shop for him again…
Lucy
Wow.. What’s he going to do when he has to deal with real stress? An exam?
Lucy
And I’ll add.. He created his OWN situation by procrastinating his study time…
INCOGNITO
Lana, I am a graduate student and my field is medicine. It is TOUGH and I have kids to add to the mix. You seem supportive and caring. Please don’t beat yourself up and take all the blame. He is out of control stressed out and he needs to find more positive ways to let out that stress and not snap and be take it on you.
You are a dream partner for a student. You are the kind of supportive and strong woman that helps a man graduate from demanding programs.
I hope your BF calms down and appreciates you. I cannot study well and function without working out…I need to let all stress leave my body….graduate exams are demanding and it takes every cell in your body to study and pull it off!
If one has a supportive partner, one needs them even more during studying. We also need NO drama and a patient partner who can wait until after the exams for drama….by then you could either be cooled off or more upset but at least the exam stress will be over. With maturity, one learns that we as a student MUST care for our partners, have dates, give them love, and be appreciative!
Debby
This is exactly how my ex acted, and how he treated me. He didn’t see everything I did for him (you shopping and cleaning), only the stupid little things that annoyed him (comforter over your head).
I walked. I don’t deserve to be treated that way, and neither do you.
ang
i get your trying to be helpful but i feel he is clearly taking you for granted , stop everything as in dont even initiate i know so many people who did to much for their other half an then wondered why the person left them etc , your acting like your already a married couple honestly back up if he loves you he will make the effort good luck really hope things gets sorted,
btw i do the bare minimum for my boyfriend until i see he is putting in effort with me and is showing me how much he loves me, result ? were getting married soon :) xxMae
I don’t care how *important* you think you are or what you think you’re entitled to- he had no right to lash out in that manner. Threatening to break it off for what? To get a rise out of you? This guy is being irrational and therefore ungrateful and neglectful. He needs anger management. Oil on comforter? What would happen if you get married, have kids, and spill some bottle-milk on his precious comforter? Will he lash out even worse? Sorry, but to me, this is a red or yellow flag. I’d consider walking.
A.
I agree with Lucy. He’s acting ridiculous. I would dump him if I were you. No adult person says they don’t want to see their partner for two weeks and then acts like such a flake. Telling you it was over then calling you multiple times in a row??? This guy is not normal.
Khadija
I’d allow him to contact me but, I think you really need to set some boundaries here.
Your boyfriend was not nice to you at all.
While it appears you are a very sweet and supportive girlfriend do not become a doormat to anyone especially your boyfriend.I understand that life has its stressful moments but, his behavior was unacceptable.
If, he can’t handle the stress of an exam who knows how he’ll be with more. I’d point that out to him and request that he work on learning how to manage his stress in a healthy respectful manner. -
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