Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Boyfriend and texting..
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 10 years, 3 months ago by
tallady.
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Alison
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 7 months now. Overall, things have been great. When we’re together, all is amazing, we haven’t fought yet, we have so much fun together, I love him, he loves me.
So, my question is, how important is texting? We don’t text much compared to other relationships I’ve been in, which is fine. I have a busy job that doesn’t allow me to text a boyfriend 24 hours a day anymore (lol), but he usually always texts me good morning and good night. Sometimes I’ll text him, but most of the time, he wakes up before me so I wake up to a text more often than not. It’s when I don’t get the text that I’m like….why? I know he’s up and at work already, but he hasn’t texted me..I’m just unsure why. I shouldn’t put too much thought into that right? I had a girls night with my best friend last night, so we didn’t text much, we exchanged 1 or 2 texts before bed, he said he loved me, so I know he’s not upset with me or anything…Should I just text him good morning and be done with it or just wait until he decides to send a text my way?
Rebecca
Texting is not important (it might be important to an individual, but it says nothing about whether a relationship will make it long-term or not). Obviously, romantic relationships have been around longer than texting. The amount of texting is completely up to the couple (and personally, I think a couple who texts TOO much is unhealthy. Time spent together is more important, and when they aren’t together, it is also important to have separate interests not just spent on the phone).
As far as the good morning text… it doesn’t mean anything if he skips, at least I wouldn’t see it that way. He might have woken up late and had to run out the door. If you want to text him good morning, go ahead. No harm, so long as you are ok if he doesn’t get back to you for awhile. I also wouldn’t make a big deal of the missing text to him (as that would be needy), but next time he sends a good morning text, you could write “I love waking up to your morning greeting” as a way to show that you like it.
In general though, I would advise to appreciate the texts you get, but don’t over analyze when you don’t get them.
Eugie
I understand how you feel. I am with my bf for 4 months and we do the same as you guys, not texting much, but he always sends me a good morning. I have been thinking this good morning texting isn’t sustainable. In fact, I was even surprised he could keep it for 4 months. I can understand how you might feel when he skips a text or two. I think maybe you should try to say good mornings to him more often so that he won’t think he is the only one doing the job. Maybe you can make the time and style of your texting more variable, so that he won’t get bored.
But I do agree it is better to make phone calls. I have dated guys who were fantastic texters but are highly emotionally unavailable in person. I can’t say all good texters are emotionally unavailable. But a guy with a fulfilling busy life who is well connected to his emotional self will not spend too much time texting.
talllady
OMG Drama. Seriously? I hate to be so blunt, but why is he not texting you? Because he has other things to do and he is a man, not a woman.
What matters:
A. His actions match his words
B. He follows through on what he says he will do
C. He makes time for you and is attentive when he is with youIf he is doing this stuff, then drop it.
Juliette
Hi Alison,
I wouldn’t place too much importance on texting by any means. But I do understand that when they have a pattern (ie; good morning text) and then it changes, it causes us to start analyzing things sometimes.
I agree with Rebecca in letting him know how much you like it when you receive those texts and how good it makes you feel. Don’t ask him to send them, just tell him you like it when he does, make sense?
I do not think you should start sending him Good Morning texts as that takes away his role.
In summary, enjoy it and encourage it when you receive them and don’t over think it or worry when you don’t. :)
Ali
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. We hardly ever text! He said from the beginning he’s not a phone guy. Like you, we both have busy jobs and other things going on. But we do facetime every night around 9 or 10 pm for half an hour to an hour- he started that at the very beginning of our relationship. You guys could try that? This way you have a conversation about how your days went and you get to see him so its a bit more personal.
tallady
Always good to do the positive reinforcement. So occationally, let him know how much him touching base in the morning makes you feel – happy, brings a smile, gives you a great start to your day etc….
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