Boyfriend came home at 6:30 AM

Jess,

I think you should listen to your instincts, which are making you uncomfortable with his drinking. Now it’s drug use. You mention his personal history–his dad being an alcoholic and cheating on his mom. That is no small thing.

When I read what you’ve posted here it makes me want to caution you not to accept this behavior much longer. I am betting it will happen again, including the drug use, no matter how sincere he was when he told you it wouldn’t. And if it does, I would walk. You can always tell him you’d like to hear from him if he gets his drinking under control. Because it’s not now if he can’t say no.

It’s not your job to support him if he continues drinking and using drugs to the point that it affects the rest of his life (like your relationship) negatively. The fact that he’s working in a bar tells me he’s not even keyed into the way his past is affecting his drinking now.

You think he has a drinking problem and you’re right.

I am glad that you resolved this but the posters make a good point…you do not want him to repeat his family history.

Be watchful…be frosty in you assessment of the real situation…you do not want to spend years in a dead end relationship.

So be hopeful yet realistic…if you see a pattern developing get out fast.

I don’t think he has a drinking or drug problem, honestly. We both used to go out a lot and met each other at the restaurant he works at. I used to drink relatively regularly when I was at university and when I was single before him because I went out a lot but in the last year, it decreased A LOT to the point where right now I don’t even remember the last time I had an alcoholic drink. I think it’s also an age thing and his surrounding. He’s only 23, going to school and working around alcohol in the evening.

Guys here generally seem to drink a lot more. Especially younger guys so his drinking has improved a lot. However, I don’t like the general mentality here to accept a drink when someone else pays for it and I told him about it. I don’t understand why you can’t just say no or why you have to participate when people around you drink. But yes, that’s also something I have only recently become very aware of and I’m three years older than him.

However, because of his family history, I am definitely wary of his drinking. At this point, however, I don’t think it’s something that would break the relationship..unless what he did two days ago becomes a habit.

Thanks again for the advice!!