Boyfriend does not ask about my day or week or call

Hi Mel,

Just check my post. We are in a similar situation I guess. My suggestion is to let him lead and initiate. You know when he’s back right? It’s okay if the communication is a little slow when he’s on holiday. I was on holiday and I could barely speak with my boyfriend.

Even if you speak every 3-4 days it’s fine. Once you’re back, meet and communicate your needs/ desires and it’ll all go well!

Take care x

Yes Mel, unless he wants to talk more. I am in a similar situation and I feel better when I step back and let him do his thing because when men are busy and doing their own thing, even if you text, they’d be pre occupied and we might not be satisfied with their response so it’s best to let them text you when they’re free. And it’s not like a permanent long distance thing. He’s back soon.

What I have noticed is that when men are busy with work, travel etc, they focus on that thing and often can’t multitask so it’s best to get busy and be charming and respond to them when they text.

And the last para you wrote, so so true. My ex called me controlling and maybe that’s why we split so here, while I can get controlling once in a while, I stop myself and it’s working out better.

Good luck and keep us posted! :)

Your relationship is new and you haven’t got used to each other yet. So how he treats you at the moment is probably more based on his experience of other women (friends and family as well as ex partners). Maybe he’s used to less passive women who don’t wait to be asked about their day, they just go ahead and tell him without him having to ask? I think most women don’t wait to be asked, I know I don’t!

Yes I agree just let him initiate while you’re away from each other. You already know he’s not into calling so you know what to expect. Have fun on your trips, don’t worry or analyse too much and the 6 weeks will be over in no time. Then you can reconnect.

I think its important to note that 3 months is not a long enough time to expect that your bf would check in with you more often. You guys are really new even if you are calling each other girlfriend and boyfriend. I think its almost important to note that this might be a guy thing:

My partner used to do this when we were first exclusive – he would be super excited to tell me about his day – but would not ask about mine. Eventually I brought this to his attention and at first he said I should just tell him about my daily events as he told me and that it wasn’t fair to put that responsibility on him to ask. But over time – as commitment and care grows a man becomes more attentive if you allow them to lead as stated in the previous posts. I didn’t complain but I would say – ‘Hey do you have time to hear a work story? Or – Hey I cant wait to tell you about my day’. NOW he regularly asks me how I am and about my day EXCEPT when he is super busy or stressed (then he’ll default back to making me tell him LOL).

The not replying for a long time thing would be difficult for me. As would his excuse about how calling brings up negative feelings. I think its okay for now – but not replying within 4-6 hours would not work for me and I would feel our communication needs were not compatible. Additionally, we all have negative experiences we need to work through and I feel your bf should know that the positive benefits of hearing your voice and speaking to you should outweigh any anxiety he feels.

To be honest those two things – the not replying for 24 hours and refusing to call (when added to the lack of asking about your life) would be red flags I would watch. They sound like excuses to me of a man that only wants to be as committed as he wants to be with no regard to your needs. On holiday is different – especially if he is with friends and family – but otherwise they’re something to watch.

For now – keep busy being happy and remind yourself that you’re the prize. When hes back in town he should make you feel he missed you and want to see you right away or I would say his interest level is not high enough.

No he is not in the UAE.

Thanks for your reply T from NY. You are right, 3 months isn’t long. I suppose I’m used to a bit more daily communication as my ex-boyfriend would actively keep in touch when we were on holidays in different countries. I’ll give some leeway on that and allow it to happen more naturally. I suppose if he was responding quicker to my texts, I’d naturally tell him about my day but with a 1-2 day response time it’s just not easy to mention my day. Our texts are literally like this at the moment, “Hey how was your train ride? Was it fun?” And then 2 days later he replies with “The train was great. I did X, Y and Z”. (repeat) It makes it difficult to tell him anything about my life.

I do agree that him not calling and taking over 24 hours to respond is not good. He’s been a poor texter since we started dating so this isn’t something he just started doing, but normally the 24 hour thing happens every so often so I can tolerate it. Plus we live so close to each other and see each other several times a week that the texting thing is a nonissue. Him doing this for the last week, and taking at least a full day every time is unusual though.

I agree that he might be willing to be only committed as he wants but personally I feel this comes from relationship inexperience than anything else. I honestly don’t know if he understands that not calling or taking this long to reply is problematic. I’ll give it some time as it’s only been a week since he’s been gone. And I’ll keep letting him initiate and being the prize. At the end of the day I want someone who wants to be with me and I feel if he doesn’t call or make more of an effort to communicate and reply, then you are right, he might just have low interest.