Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Boyfriend doesnt make me feel good about myself
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by
Lara.
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Anon
Hi everyone,
Please tell me if I overreacted here but since lockdown i have not seen my boyfriend. We speak everyday on the phone we have been together two years. During the lockdown I have been working on myself by taking up running every other day and cutting out the drinking and junk food to try and lose a bit of weight and I feel like I’ve made a difference but today I gave my boyfriend a video call and made sure I looked good by doing my hair and putting a bit of makeup on and we was chatting and he kept saying look at me and I said what and he was like you have put weight on your face. I got really annoyed and I was like no I’ve lost weight and he asked me how much I weighed and I told himnsnd he said well when u go bk inside show me ur weight..i got really annoyed with humans cut the call. I mean I always want people to be real with me but now I’ve lost all point in doing what I’m doing now he said that. I dont feel he picks me up or makes me feel good about myself..do you think I have over reacted about this.
mell
It’s hard to see through blurry video calls- perhaps the camera in selfie mode looks different.
However, that’s an insensitive thing to say. If it were my boyfriend, after I cooled down, I’d have a chat with him that people don’t like being called fat when they’ve been trying to lose weight and that you found his comments hurtful. If he’s a decent man, he would learn his lesson. It;s a bit worrying that he kept sticking to this – a man who is worth it won’t give a damn what you weigh – because he thinks you’re sexy and loves you whatever you look like. He ounds shallow – but if he isn’t usually terrible (you’ve known him for 2 years, is he always like this?) maybe he really just worded things clumsily.
I don’t know what you mean by he doesn’t make you feel good? Are you basing it on this one throwaway comment, or is he always like this? Because if it’s on one comment then maybe you are overrreacting because of lockdown, But if he’s always rude, then yeah he’s not nice and you deserve better.
And if you don’t like being apart, have you considered moving in together? Or talking to him about it?
redcurleysue
Just tell him that he looks like he may have lost some hair or muscle tone…while he is worried about that you keep trucking.
Newbie
I dont think you overreacted. Even if it was true (and a whole lot of people gained weight during lock down) it would have been insensitive and weighing yourself is over the top plain rude. I cant be with a guy like that. I really dont want to be measured on looks all the time when i know i look ok. He can find himself a nice barbiedoll if it were me
kaye
First of all, it’s entirely rude to say you look like you’ve put on weight in the face. But even after you insisted you had lost weight he tells you to go inside and show him to PROVE you had lost weight? Am I reading that right?!? If so, then yes you were right to hang up on his sorry insensitive A$$!!!!
Sam
He sounds like a real jerk. Don’t let his rudeness deter all the hard work you’ve been doing to make yourself feel and look good. Keep at it, and dump his a$$ in the meantime.
Lane
You know you should be not only miffed but insulted by what he said!
Seriously, if he expects a lady to stay the exact same weight then he needs to date a starving anorexic model because weight fluctuates in the real world. If he’s that shallow or nit picky, then its not worth staying or being with a man like that because a man who truly loves a woman wants to build her up and make her feel like she’s the most beautiful woman in his eyes, even if she’s gained a few pounds because its her inner beauty that makes him stay and remain in love.
However, on the flip side, I have no problem with a man (or woman) “telling it like it is” either, respectfully of course, such as “babe, I’ve noticed you’ve been putting on a bit of weight recently, is there something going on, such as stress or something, that could be the reason for it?” Its all too common for women, and men, at some point in a relationship/marriage to start getting *too comfortable* and let themselves go, to the point the other partner becomes repulsed by it. It often starts when they stop giving affection and/or withholding sex, and then nit picking their partner, which is often the first warning sign that if something doesn’t change they are on their way out, and the relationship/marriage will end.
You didn’t say how long you’ve been together? Have you had a big weight gain since the two of you got together, or has it fluctuated within a 5 – 10 lb range? Has this just recently started or has he always been this way? If it just started, then its big flag that he *may* be having an emotional or sexual affair and is beginning the process of checking out the relationship. If he’s always been this way then he’s a shallow jerk and you need to seriously consider dropping him as no man is worth losing your self-esteem, respect or worth over, ever!
Shazel
Hi Anon, you say you have been together 2 years and have not seen each other during the lock down. During those 2 years has he always been that direct/judgmental with your looks and physical appearance? You stated you got all makeup/hair done for a call in order to impress him. I get the feeling that he can be extremely judgmental with you and your trying to impress him by losing weight and getting dolled up for a call. IMO yes it is nice to impress your boyfriend if he sees you in your PJ’s or sweats all the time and you want to spice it up but not because your seeking some type of approval. If your losing weight and feel better about yourself that’s awesome…but don’t do it for him. I recently lost 10 pounds and I love how I feel my boyfriend never told me i gained weight if anything I told him I have gained 15 pounds with him because we love to eat yet he stays the same. He would assure me I looked beautiful and that I was fine but I continued to say I needed to lose weight to feel better and I did. So please if this boyfriend is constantly making you feel bad about yourself…you need to re-evaluate why your with him. So no you did not over react because it seems that’s the outcome you were already expecting from him. Lots of love XOXO.
Lara
He sounds like his insecure in himself so tries to bring you down and make you feel like rubbish! Get rid and find someone that treats you like a princess!
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