Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Boyfriend doesn't want to meet my friends
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L.
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Kayley
So weird situation I am not sure what to think and hoping others can shed some thoughts on it. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 8 months. We were friends for about 3 years first so have our mutual friends we hang out with. I’ve gone to an event for his work and he introduced me to everyone as his girlfriend. The odd thing is that he does not seem interested in meeting my friends (separate from our mutual). I have a birthday party to go to and asked if he wanted to come along and he said no and gave the excuse he had to work that day and would be tired. Usually when he works we will still go out that evening together (just him and I), so the only difference is that we would be going to a party where he knows only me. I’ve asked him if he would like to come along to other outings and for one reason or another, he has not. I’m a little disappointed because I’d like him to meet others that are important to me. He does not have a large number of close friends so perhaps he is nervous? I don’t know. I like having our separate things and being independent, but one of the benefits of a partner is having someone to be the plus one (not all the time of course) and he just doesn’t seem to want to or is not interested in learning about that part of my life. I’m going to try and bring it up casually with him, but it just seems odd to me. Our relationship is pretty good otherwise aside from a couple other things I’ve decided are not deal breakers. Any thoughts on this? We are both in our late 30s.
JR
What sort party is this? Is there only going to be girls there? Maybe that’s not something he thinks sounds fun? He’s a grown man in his 30’s lol, my dude worked late evenings and didn’t want to meet up with my friends after he got off work either or even wanted to go out with my friends and I (most of the time he’d be the only dude).
Try not to get too annoyed with this. You said, most of your relationship is good right? Remember to always remember how he treats you and how he makes you feel, not what he says.
JR
Even though you’ve been together for 8 months, give him time. The fact you two have mutual friends is good, if you have not met any of his friends or he doesn’t bring you into his life that would be a huge concern. BE patient with him and don’t be too pushy, if he says no then leave it at that. Have fun with your friends. That space will create good space for him to be a lone and you have a good social life too outside of the relationship.
Kayley
Thank you! The party is going to be guys and gals…couples and singles. So I probably should not bring this up with him yet? Give him more time and if it is a continual issue then discuss? i guess since I’ve met some of his (non-mutual) friends, that’s a start…
JR
I think being invited to any event you should invite him (once). Then let him make his decision whether or not he wants to go with you. You two are more established now so him declining should not be an issue. If he never asks you to attend any sort of social things I’d be concerned. Keep an open mind on things and just continue to keep inviting him and respect his decision. I’m pretty sure one of these days there will be an event he’ll want to participate in. Also if there’s something you really want him to attend, he needs to be mindful of you, so tell him. “I’d really appreciate if you were my plus 1 to support me and accompany me.”
People who care for another, tend to give of themselves only if they are communicated to their needs and wants.
Kayley
Thank you, JR. Very good points and good advice!
Layla
My boyfriend has said the same to me. I suggested going to a gig or for dinner with my friends that he had not met before and he said he wouldn’t like to, but would just go anyway. This hurt me even more because he did not want to go, he said that it isn’t his ‘thing’. Best advice? Forget about this problem he has. Don’t ever invite him, because you will only ever be disappointed with his reluctance. It is sad, but some guys just don’t really care about making friends. Mine isn’t bothered, and doesn’t want to make an effort.
Kenzie
I have been asking my boyfriend to get messenger for facebook so we could video chat with my friend and her boyfriend but he always seems to make excuses up and it seems like he doesn’t want to meet friends.
redcurleysue
How you get around this is to throw a party.
Easy peasy.
L
Does anyone meet in person anymore?
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