Boyfriend ignored me– ended things?

Guys I’m having a really hard time without him. Could I email or message him in a few weeks asking why?

I deserve the truth and I want to know what happened to the man I met. I don’t sleep around and this meant a lot to me. I just feel discarded

I know it’s hard right now and you want to know why. But it’s very unlikely he will give you the closure you want. And whatever he does say is unlikely to be the truth. I promise you even if he did it wouldn’t make you feel any better. Would you feel better knowing he met someone else? Would you feel better knowing exactly why he didn’t see a future with you? What if it was something you couldn’t change and caused you to become insecure about something the right man would adore? What if it’s not even something he can put his finger on?

I once read that guy’s see commitment as a combination lock. If the numbers don’t line up, he’ll be emotionally distant and unavailable, rather than all in. When he finally comes across that one woman who creates the right sequence of “numbers” to unlock his commitment combination, he’ll feel compelled to hang onto her. He’ll commit because he doesn’t want to risk losing her. Everything needs to feel right to them. A good guy doesn’t want to waste your time and normally knows at the 3-4 month mark if he can see a future with you. And most guys are going to pursue and do the flowers, attention, say the right things, etc. Because they are trying to woo you. The best piece of advice I ever received on this site was from someone who said to google the 7 stages of how a man falls in love. It wasn’t even directed at one of my posts but one I was reading. You see women don’t understand that once a guy meets a woman he’s interested in, his goal is to get us to fall for them before he ever even sits back and determines if we’re the right woman for him.

That’s why you read so many stories on here about guys who are so interested, asking the girl out, can’t wait to see her again, planning things for the future, thinking she’s amazing and he’s lucky he met her and then all the sudden he ghosts, starts getting distant, has to go on a business trip and drops off the map, gets “busy”, or just flat out starts ignoring her for days at a time. Sound familiar? Once you understand this and see it enough times as I did when I was online dating, you start to carefully watch their actions and their words and wait at least 6 months before you start to believe they are actually in love with you. Then I think you need at least a year to make sure he is the right guy and “the one”. I’m sorry this happened to you but unfortunately this probably isn’t going to be the last time this happens to you. I went through this about 3 times before I met my husband. But I learned from it each time and am so glad none of those relationships worked out or I wouldn’t be married to the man of my dreams!!

I understand what you’re saying to me. It’s just I was with him that day and five hours later he says can we talk later and we never do until 9 days later. It’s hard for me to even fathom what was going on in his mind.

He was so loving to me that day and I don’t understand what turned his head. He told me the night before he really liked me. And we talked about when we met and how life wasn’t the same since.

It’s just extremely hurtful and I feel so used. Do you think it’s because I’m not that experienced in the bedroom? I felt a change after we got intimate. I just don’t know I did everything I was supposed to. I cared fo him so much.

I know exactly how you feel, Heather. you have every right to feel used, and so you really, really need to drop this before you end up like me, stuck on it for an entire year only to have it bite me in the ass. men do change at the drop of a hat because they can disguise their feelings if they feel the need to, or if he did enjoy your company, that’s just his natural state anyway not really having anything to do with you. if you give him any inch, he’ll string you along. he was likely upset over you deleting him because he’s used to being able to do that to women who don’t know better. don’t lose your dignity over this..

Jens, Lia & Jenny thank you each so very much. Your words have encouraged me to stay strong. I will try my best not to say another word. You are right, my only mistake was being compassionate for this man. It is up to him to change the story. And if a man wants you he will make it known.

I truly tried my best to be there for him. I will never understand these players who ask for commitment. It is heart breaking. I am thankful for each of you. And I will try to remain strong. My biggest fear is never finding better

You just have to wait this out honey, the pain will pass. Distract yourself do anything but think about him. I know it is frustrating not knowing but the thing is they never tell the truth so asking is a waste.

Heather, I’m glad the future faker stuff made things a little clearer.

Please, whatever you do, DO NOT contact him!!! I agree with the others that he won’t tell you the truth anyway. A guy who ghosts is not an honest guy and neither is a future faker!!

I’m quite sure he will contact you again (ghosters/game playa’s often do!) But I urge you to stay strong, don’t give him so much as a tiny text. He wants your attention, not you…

Focus on you right now and do anything that makes you feel better. Eat naughty foods, see friends, veg out, whatever. This will pass and you’ll be happier on the other side, I promise!

Jordyn,

I am so sorry to hear you went through this I this. Helps HElp see it a bit clearer. I just keep blaming myself but I just know that any man that is your boyfriend or seriously committed to you as he asked– should text you at least one message within 9 days. Instead he was on social media and ignored me. It’s just so hurtful because I really cared about him and wanted to make sure he was okay.

I truly hope a man can appreciate me one day as I always appreciate the man in my life. I don’t sleep around and certainly don’t give my heart away easy. The worst part of this is that I feel so tricked morally. I also feel lonely.

Hey guys, on recenrly a bit of possibly evidence came up on a girl I suspected he left me for. I feel like he was talking to us at the same time do I owe it to her to let her know?

Heather, stop snooping on him. It won’t make you feel better. The quicker you leave him behind, the better off you will be.

Heather, I know this sucks but you have to stop wallowing or acting like a victim because your not! You have THE POWER to control how you think and feel…so use it! Use it the same way you do if you don’t get the job you want, injure yourself, lose something you really like/love (jewelry, car, pet, etc.).

Life is full of challenges and losses and this is one of the many your going to face along your journey. Take the HIGH ROAD by blocking him completely, get angry by calling him a bunch of cuss words, then put him in your rear view mirror wave good by, and punch the gas and move forward. Trust me there will be BIGGER LOSSES your going to face, so might as well learn better methods to deal and cope with them because what your doing is keeping you stuck and in pain—release the pain!

Lane’s advice is wonderful!

As for your question – why he is able to be with someone for long, but not with you – you know, some (especially bad) men are in LTRs with such women who will put up with them. Who are naive, easy to manipulate, have weak boundaries and don’t stand up for themselves and so on. That’s the real reason why those men are with them, not any kind of deeper connection nor love.

A horrible man that I was once involved with – and it ended after just a few dates – was also married (before that) for 10 years and now is in a new relationship, about 2 years I think. I was also wondering how on earth this is possible. But the real question is why those women allow for that. I have learnt later that his ex wife was putting up with cheating, she was pretending that she didn’t know for years. I have no idea what’s up with the new girl, but I suspect that she either doesn’t know about his past or hopes that he will change for her – which I am 100% sure he won’t. Funny as is sounds – it’s the strong, confident women who such men are not in relationships for long.