Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Boyfriend ignored me– ended things?
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Heather.
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Jenny OG
I mean, he was your bf and “hiding” your picture. I wouldn’t be a b*tch about it but I’d directly say “I don’t understand that, seems shady to me and I honestly don’t appreciate it and it makes me doubt your commitment level”. People fear calling someone out BC they think worst case scenarios *they’ll lose them* but look where you’re at now, you lost him anyways… Maybe he would’ve left, yes, but at least he’d leave respecting you and knowing for potential future reference that you know what you want and what you don’t. I don’t have social media but nope, I promise if you make me look foolish once, I’ll address it, & emphasize even harder what you were trying to hide, then make it clear that I expect only one thing in my relationships, RESPECT. *One time a girl he’d slept with before me posted a pic of her & my bf at a party while I was out of town- my gf told me about it & I of course told him “nuh uh…” Asked him if he REALLY wanted to be with me, he said yes, so from HIS account added “This girl’s a stalker, call her for a good time *insert phone number”… He text her it was me. Best believe she deleted that pic REAL quick, backed off my bf and he never made the same silly mistake again. I’ll be respected and a b*tch or respected and loving but I will be respected and if not, we won’t be together PERIOD
Heather
Lane, I truly appreciate that.
I don’t think I threw my emotional happiness on him. If anything, I tried to keep it light and fun! Honestly, I didn’t start to worry until he acted differently. He acted so loving toward me and all the sudden I felt this bit of change. I didn’t actually do anything on my end. I always tried being there for him.
I was cautious but his intentions and what he told me he wanted– didn’t match with his behavior at the end. I did address the pictures and he had a lame excuse saying he accidentally hid some. But the only ones missing were of him and I. I guess I don’t understand how someone could do this?
Jenny OG
All I can say is don’t take it personal. Other’s behavior is reflective of them more than you. The reality is that feelings are unreliable, they’re fleeing and they change in drop off a hat. Unless DEEP connection is developed prior to feelings fluctuating to their low or insecure points, people will react to those feelings and reference them for their decisions = they’ll consider only themselves and their wants & desires when making their choices. That’s why a part of REAL love entails sacrifice, because your depth of connection NATURALLY leads you to consider another person and not only yourself
Lane
Heather, he did it because his feelings for you changed, met someone and decided he wanted to try it with the other lady…it really is that simple! I’ve done this many times where I initially like a guy, we were dating several months and then BOOM I met someone I like better! It oftentimes had nothing to do with the guy but everything to do with ME as I was trying to navigate the dating field; figuring out what I liked, didn’t like and clicked with the best. Until a lot of TIME had passed (minimum of a year) I could not be certain if would be a good match or not.
Human’s are very complex creatures so trying to figure them out is a futile waste of energy. A lot of it has to do with the phase they are in life, they don’t really know what they want
until they try it out and then something else comes along and they want to give it a go.Trust me, it is not intentional nor does it have anything to do with you—it has everything to do with HIM in that he’s still looking for something he hasn’t found yet and probably couldn’t even explain it other than he didn’t find it with you, and may not find it with the next 10 ladies but he’ll just know when he meets her.
You were infatuated with the IDEA of him and you together but in all honestly you didn’t know him that well at all as it takes a lot of time, observation and listening to truly get down to the core of an individual. Next time slow down, watch, observe, and be guarded until a man has proven in both words and actions over a LONG PERIOD OF TIME that he’s truly ALL IN because trust me when you meet him, and you eventually will, it will be completely opposite of this experience.
Just breathe, you will be OK.
Heather
Lane,
IT wasn’t the I the idea of him. I truly wasn’t falling in I’ve and he said I was the one. HE Knew from the minute he met me. He said I was the easiet person he’s ever been able to form a relationship and connection with and being with me was the most genuine connection he ever felt.
I felt it too, the minute I met him. I was so sure of it. And following his intentions I allowed myself to open up. Why couldn’t he just tell me if there was someone else? WE weren boyfriend and girlfriend. Not Just dating–
Lane
Heather, how many relationships have you been in?
How many guys were you initially infatuated with and then stopped liking them?
He was INFATUATED (look it up) but into didnt evolve into love which is very common actually and why you need a heck of a lot more time (many months) before you can distinguish which one it is. Trust me, his words have been expressed by millions of men all over the world yet they didn’t last long.
I’m not sure how old you are but these experiences are lessons and you either learn from them or you don’t. Do not take it personally because it happens to all of us—your situation is not unique but one that has played out for centuries.
Amanda
I know how frustrating this is. But do not let this man stop you from going on with your life. This is the RISK of dating. And you must get used to it. If you spend any time reading this forum, your story is very common. Men have stratifies of coming on very strong in order to win over a woman and often get bored when they do. All his sweet words were to win you over. Once he had you he could really think about whether you were the one and he decided no. You must learn not to take men’s words so seriously in the beginning. You cannot possibly know a man in 3-4 months.
Heather
Guys, he is going on dates with the other woman I suspected. I am so sad like how could someone do that? Clearly there was over-lap of us. I realize some of you say he got bored, but I am not a boring woman. That makes me feel awful. He told me I was the one, and I don’t understand how someone cheats so easily and doesn’t have any regard for what we had
alia
It’s because he lacks class. A classy person ends one relationship before they start another. These are things your parents instill in you, it’s not anything you learn by doing. It’s either you have tact and you have a code of ethics or you don’t. Its not your job to teach him manners, it was his mothers job.
Pandora
Heather, so sorry to hear this…
it was shady with the hiding of the picture, now you know why…but, if you just withdraw completely, I am sure, he will knock on your door again…. dont think that other girl is so special… he will get her, he will get bored…. just a matter of time
I know, it must be unbelievable, why he did this, why is that other girl better or something, but just wait it out, dont contact him
and when he comes back in 3-4 months time (maybe sooner), you can kick him out (or anything what you will like)
stay strong, hugs
and update
Heather
Hey all–
I wanted to share some information.
I ended up contacting the woman I suspected he was seeing. Turns out he was seeing her during 90% of our relationship.
She was crying and couldn’t believe it, as they were taking a trip the next day together. She told me some things and said she told him I’m calling you my boyfriend, are you calling me your girlfriend? He told her I’m just not into titles.
Clearly he is doing to her what he did to me. I think she is grateful. Its hard for me to realize the whole time I was being cheated on– How do you get over this? Why do men do this to nice women like her and I?
Ashley
This is just the type of crappy person he is. You should envision him as a piece of decomposing garbage. Would you cry over trash? Then don’t cry over him.
Heather
Ashley, I’m just having a terrible time coping. I know I shouldn’t cry but I feel like why wasn’t I enough? And how could he live with himself? I feel so bad like beyond
Stephen G
One of the mistakes men make at the start of a relationships is coming on too strong. They give too much attention to the GF in person, by text and on social media. This causes women to believe that the initial level of communication will be the norm in their relationship. The truth-be-told most men simply cannot maintain that level of communication as it quickly becomes draining. Most women are correct in thinking that their bf is ignoring their text but are usually wrong about the reason. He is not normally interested in some other woman or playing a game. The message is ‘you are texting me waaay too often and making unreasonable demands upon my time and thought processes.’ In addition most men simply don’t feel the need to communicate anywhere near as often as women and see constant texting as little more than shameful manipulation on her part.
Here is a male secret for you most men sooner rather than later come to feel confined and constricted by what I call ‘the terrible tyranny of coupledom’. He gets the distinct impression that she wants him to spend every single free minute together along with endless texts/emails. Another male secret is that most men find women’s conversation boring and her constant wanting to him to share every single thought in his head will soon having him running for the hills. I am sorry if that last sentence is not what you wanted to read but it is the plain truth.Becky
Heather- to date someone while your with someone else as their boyfriend could be considered predator behavior. He’s looking for his next “prey”- uses them and moves on to the next one. There are men out there like that- promising everything to “get” you and then moving on once they have you. Good riddance- he sounds horrible
Raven
Sorry Heather, the guy is a total jerk!
Put a hex on him, that he grows huge green balls— LOL!He’s not worth the salt in your tears…
Raven
& Stephen G is not helpful… 😐
Heather
I just don’t sleep around and he knew that, it’s definitely predator behavior.
I keep blaming myself, because my lack of experience in bed could have changed his mind? Not sure but he was pleased everytime but he never did the job for me. I always treated him well and didn’t expect much in return. It’s just I hope it’s not that. Shouldn’t your boyfriend not give up after just a couple times one weekend?
Amanda
OMG hun you need to stop. Who cares why he ended it? Now that you know what a liar he is, why would it matter? You should not be trying to win over a liar.
If you want to move on: stop checking up on what he is doing
Do not look at any of his social media
Block him on your phone and on social media
Start a new hobby, one with exercise is especially great for getting over someone
Treat yourself to something nice: a massage, a shopping trip, etc
Fill your time up with friends, family, and activities, do not spend too much time alone during your “recovery”
If you can’t seem to stop thinking about him still talk to a therapistPlease know this happens to a lot of wonderful women. It isn’t you, he’s a jerk. Don’t let him waste a second more of your time. And do not be so trusting in the beginning next time. You keep saying he told you that you were the won. Well he was lying. Some men lie. You need to really get to know the before trust. Make sure BOTH words and actions match.
Amy
“I keep blaming myself, because my lack of experience in bed could have changed his mind? Not sure but he was pleased everytime but he never did the job for me. I always treated him well and didn’t expect much in return. It’s just I hope it’s not that. Shouldn’t your boyfriend not give up after just a couple times one weekend?”
Heather, reading this breaks my heart and pisses me off. You must learn to like yourself better and hold yourself in higher regard. There needs to be some kind of class somewhere in how to be a high value woman. It starts inside of you.
NO. It is not your fault he is a womanizer. NO. Your “lack of experience” in bed makes no difference to the right man. A decent guy is patient and loving with a girl who doesn’t know how to do everything.
He never did the job for you? You should be evaluating a man on a number of points when you are dating him. Sex is one of them. Don’t sweep it under the carpet. Let a man know how to please you. If he’s not interested in learning, that’s a deal breaker.
You treated him well but didn’t expect much in return? Then you will attract more guys who throw you crumbs. Get some standards for how a man should treat you and if he isn’t meeting them sufficiently, deal breaker and you walk. Don’t treat someone better than they treat you, ever. You really need to develop yourself and develop a spine. You’re acting like a doormat right now. You will get more of this if you don’t start standing up and taking command of yourself and your choices.
You hope sex isn’t the reason he broke up with you? Get over it, honey. What if it was and what if it wasn’t? Why would you want someone who broke up with you over sex? You need to get some confidence that you are good enough. You don’t have to perfect to be good enough. Anything you don’t know you can learn. Got it??
He was a poor “boyfriend.” Stop ruminating on this and focus on better things for yourself. Someone else quoted Martin Briley – he ain’t worth the salt in your tears.
HEather
Amy, I know you’re right. It’s been a really hard year for me and I’m a seeking counseling. I just feel so low. He took me by surprise and I can’t believe the whole time I wasn’t enough. How do men get this way?
I really wasn’t falling in love
HEather
Was falling
Ashley
Don’t think “why wasn’t I enough” ….it has nothing to do with you.
You should see by now that this is the type of crappy male he is.
Meaning: you could be the hottest sexpot ever & he would do the same thing!!
It has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with the other girl. Or the one after you two.
This is how he is & how he wants to be. He will not act different. He has zero integrity. He is a piece of sh*t
Emma
Stephen G, I feel sad for you. Terrible tyranny of coupledom. How pretentious!
Many men want and enjoy being in a relationship, they love to hear from their GFs and don’t ignore them ever. Conversations can be fun and sometimes not so fun, most normal people don’t expect things to fly sky high all the time. Nobody runs to any hills because of a few extra texts.
You sound so brainwashed. Get off your “I know it all about all men” high horse. You are ONE guy, so speak for yourself and not on behalf of the rest of manhood.
Hannah
Heather this absolutely isn’t about you being enough or what you were like in bed. It’s about him being a player and a cheat. You could be the most amazing woman in the world and he’d still be off messing with someone else. Don’t take this personally.
Stephen, it sounds to me like you have never met the right woman. When you do, you won’t find her boring, you’ll want to spend every moment you can with her and you’ll look forward to communicating with her. It’s always the man who’s pushed to see me more and communicate more when they’ve loved me. You need to keep looking for the one.
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