Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Boyfriend keeps threatening to leave after we argue
- This topic has 35 replies and was last updated 7 years, 7 months ago by
Stoli.
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Lexie Jones
My bf has not been making the effort to see me, but I make the full effort to see him. & when I text him, he always has super short answers, and I got tired of it, and I said something to him. He understood , we’ll be said he did. So I rlly felt like he didn’t get the message bc he still kept being short with me. So I called him, and his 28 year old cousin was there, and he knows him so good, and so I thought maybe I can tell him and he can talk to my boyfriend. well he talked to him, and next minute my boyfriend texted me, and said”idk if we can make this work”. & I was like “what”? & he was like “us” … & I said why, and he said I get mad when he is with his friends, and basically I’m being too clingy, but I told him sorry, and I will try to fix it , and won’t smother him as much… but I felt like, he didn’t get what I said either, about him being short, and never making the effort to see me. I didn’t say anything, bc I was scared he would let out relationship go… so I kept my mouth shut. & it hurt so bad that he threatened me with our relationship, and didn’t just ask if I could fix some thing, like I did… :(
Elle
Lexie – If a guy truly likes you and care about you, then he will make the effort to see you as much as is feasibly possible. He will do all of the initiating. He will plan dates and time together, and make sure to reach out to you via text or a phone call to confirm those dates. If you’re BF isn’t doing this, then I’m sorry, but he likely no longer wants to be with you.
It sounds like you need to take some time to work on your neediness. You should never text a man first. Your life should be so full and busy and fulfilling that you don’t need to talk to him to entertain yourself. And, guys just don’t send long text messages. They use texting for utility, not long conversations. If you want to text someone all day long, then you should make sure you have a nice big group of friends who you can text.
You cannot make this guy love you. He either does or he doesn’t. I would cut my losses, be the one who breaks up with him, and then move on. There’s literally no reason to mourn, this guy seems like he sucks.
Raven
Also, don’t involve other people in your relationship issues…
Anna
I have the same issues with my boyfriend right now. We have been together for 11 months, turning a year this month. We did have petty fights over the year, at times he threatens to end everything but says it through text. What I usually do is ask him to say it right on my face (so I would know if he truly means it) but after telling him to do so, he would start to calm down already.
Just a week ago, we had a major fight which was all about wanting to helping him out but he refuses to and tells me my suggestion wasn’t the solution (men and their pride) In the middle of the fight, and crying I went out of the house. I then came back because I left my keys. When I went back he was already so calm. I asked him again if he really wants to end things. He couldn’t look straight when he said he wants to.
If a man really loves you, you would see it in his eyes that he is hurting too. Don’t fold in the bluff if you’re not 100% in wanting to leave him.
Tom
Lea-
Honestly, don’t change your course. You were spot on in your actions and reply. It was a great move on your part to request a face-to-face talk as opposed to text conversation. At the end of the day, he declined and you can’t control that. Control what yiu can, dismiss the rest.
You deserve better and your actions, although maybe difficult to do, project exactly that. There is no mixed message. If it’s going to work, continue with your direction. Trust me, you don’t want it to work out if you have you cave in and follow what he wants (cuz the same type of relationship you don’t like will continue).
Stand your ground. Let it marinate. Let him miss you. The only thing I might correct him on would be – he says that it didn’t bother you at all. I would remind him that it does bother you and that you’ve told him how you feel about him. But at the end of the day, if you’re not sure, I’m not going to beg you to stay in my life every time we don’t agree. Period.
GL w/ things Lea. TC
Michelle
I am going through the exact same thing , every disagreement me and my boyfriend has he says it’s over and ignores all my calls. He done it again yesterday , was all funny with me saying I was shouting at him when I wasn’t at all and then he walked out saying he doesn’t want to be with me . I’m so confused I haven’t even done nothing . Now he’s ignoring all my calls , just feel like he doesn’t love me at all and keep thinking why has he been pretending to love me ? Never met anyone so selfish in my whole entire life , feel like he treats me like a piece of meat
Newbie
Lea, i think you got it spot on. The arguments were silly on his part and he is acting manipulative and doing exactly what Ashley said: flipping it and making it about you. Dont fall for it. Let him choke in it. It doesnt look good for the future because he will always blame things on you instead of looking at his own actions. Good luck
fruit
Why do people keep reviving old threads? Just make a new one. It’s better for getting answers anyway.
zendaya
My boyfriend and l have been together for a year and 5months now.Evey time we argue he threaghtens to leave me.He always says lm selfish and not supportive but l go out of my way to please him and support him even though what he does hurts me.He once broke up with me and made it my fault.l don’t know what to do anymore,please help
Nat
Zandaya, start a new threat, you’d get more comments this way.
If your BF threatens to leave you every time you argue you should leave him. He already broke up with you once, how did you get back together? Did he ask you? Or did you? He does not value you, he knows you can be a pushover and a doormat. Is he a good BF? I would hate to be with someone who threatens to leave me over every argument. It means they don’t appreciate me, dob’t love me, don’t value our relationship. It hurts to realize but staying in this situation would get you where? how long do you think it would continue? Remember things get worse not better with time. Whatever problems you have at the start will get worse in time if both people don’t work on things. In your case it seems that he is not interested in working on anything, so there is not much you can do. Think about yourself and your future and end things with him. If you don’t you are going to waste a few more years of your life on him, and he doesn’t sound like a lot of fun to me. So why?
Stoli
I read once that what makes for a strong relationship is not how you relate when things are going well, but how well you relate when there is conflict. The means by which you come to a resolution together. That is the true test of a strong relationship. To me he failed that test miserably.
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