Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Boyfriend left me pregnant. Need advice on how to get over him!?
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Jolene.
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Jolene
So basically, I was going out with my boyfriend for two years and we decided to try for kids as we had had a miscarriage previously. We did fertility planning and they said to have sex to conceive so we did. Then I went offshore for a month and find out as pregnant offshore when I told him he had a completely different reaction to before. He was obsessed with his thoughts and kept on saying his life was going to change. The day I got back from offshore, he said it was over and he couldn’t do it and wanted me to have a termination. I ended up going back to the UK and had a miscarriage there. I then had to live with him for two months before I moved out.
I didn’t understand it at the time as he said we don’t match and he needs someone more on my level. In the end I found messages to another girl who was his friend from 10 years ago. These messages really hurt as together they were saying I was a psycho And that my behaviour is unacceptable. This hurt as my boyfriend should know me and that I was upset by everything. Also proved that someone else was involved and potentially aided the break up.
so it made sense that we were trying for a baby in end of August and by end of September he was breaking up.
As soon as I moved out, he went across the country to pick her up and she moved in this hurt like hell knowing she was living in the house. I tried to make a home.The problem is I lost a lot. I lost him who I still live his family the dog and the life I imagined and was excited for.
We did have arguments about communication because every time I got emotional, he would turn it on me and blame me and shut down. So I did feel very lonely. This could’ve been due to his upbringing and never feeling good enough.The problem is now it’s been four months since I moved out almost but I still can’t stop thinking about him every day and still feel very sad about it all.
Does anyone have advice on how to forget about the past or how to get over still idolising him when he wasn’t a nice person to me in the end? in a way I wish he would come back, but I know deepdown I probably deserve better. It’s still just hurts a lot.
Raven
Hi @Jolene, I’m sorry for your losses… You’ve been through a lot!
Please find a trained someone to talk with.
Good luckEric CharlesKeymasterIf you’ve read this site, you probably know I cover “how to get your ex back” pretty extensively.
But in your situation, it’s not what I’d recommend. As in, if you were my sister asking me for guidance in this situation, I wouldn’t want you to go back to this guy or situation. That said, I’m not here to tell you what you should want.
Personally, I think moving on and building a new life makes the most sense for you. Here’s why:
The biggest red flag is that he was already in contact with another woman, talking about you behind your back, and then left you for her. And the fact this happened when you were planning to start a family together? That’s a massive breach of trust.
As painful as all this is right now, there’s actually a silver lining: you found out what he’s capable of now rather than years down the road with more entanglements. I’m not trying to paint anyone as a villain here, but if my sister were in your shoes, I’d want her far away from this situation and moving toward a future with someone she can truly count on.
Even if you somehow got him back, what kind of relationship would that be? How could you ever feel secure or trust him at even the most basic level?
You’re the one living your life. You know details none of us could possibly know. And again, what you want is your business.
But regardless of what you ultimately decide (even if it’s trying to get him back, which I’ve made clear I think is a bad move), your best step right now is to decide to move on emotionally. That means telling yourself it’s 100% over and you’re moving forward with your life.
In my articles about getting an ex back, I talk a lot about healing yourself after a breakup and moving on emotionally. I suggest reading all of that content to get yourself in the best possible headspace (and then just skip the parts about reconnecting with him).
How to Get Your Ex Back in 5 Steps
The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need to Know
11 Biggest Reasons Why the No Contact Rule Always Works
I’ll eventually create articles specifically about getting over a breakup, but I haven’t written those yet. That’s why I’m pointing you toward the “how to get him back” articles… because the first step is always to heal and move on emotionally.
I wish you all the best as you work through this tough time. Remember that your worth isn’t tied to how this relationship ended, and there’s a much brighter future ahead than you can probably see right now.
– Eric
Jolene
Thank you Eric for the long reply!
I think you are right about the not going back to him. I just feel like it’s hard as it was such a change from one month (July in Bali he was saying he’s the luckiest guy on the planet to september when he ended it) to another and thought he was the one for life as we had a lot in common, I know that girl got in the way and they probably deserve each other. I just don’t understand how he could have moved me out and then moved her in straight away if he loved me at all. When he was ending it he was acting as if he had had a great time but we just weren’t a match! I don’t think that’s the case after two years with talk of weddings, houses and kids. I think he thinks the grass is always greener and in a way I hope it isn’t for him after the pain he has given me.
Before me he had never held down a relationship for more than 6 months (no one had ever lived with him or met family) and he was 36 then! -
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