Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Boyfriend mentions flaws in appearance
- This topic has 12 replies and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by
Charlotte.
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Lucie
I have been dating my BF for 3 months. I am above average in looks and in what I wear. My style is classy, not overtly sexual.
My BF comments on what appear to me to be petty and a matter of opinion. One day he said my lipstick looked clownish and I should wear a lighter shade. I totally disagreed and kept wearing
it. Another time I did a touch up color to my hair and he pointed out “oh there’s a strand that’s all dark”. So I missed a spot. How petty.Once he also pointed out a hard pimple on my face and concentrated on it. Another time he said “your hair doesn’t look very nice”. I thought it was fine, a more cutlie style.
Honesty I think it’s very superficial to being up these things regularly. If it’s not my appearance, it’s a habit of mine like “I don’t know anyone else who carries tea bags in their purse”. WTF?
I don’t think he respects me at all, or am I being too sensitive?
Raven
Why are you still with this guy?
Tallspicy
He seems critical. I bet he is critical of other people and thigs as well, and maybe if himself (most people project that).
This most likely won’t change, but you can try to mention it and say it does not feel good to be on the receiving end. (Btw, occasional comments is fine, but so many in 3 months shows a pattern).
Next time he says something about your clothes and makeup say “I don’t dress or style for your approval, I dress for mine. When I want your input, I will ask for it”. The key here is to look him dead in the eye when he says it.
Jo
I would dump him. I believe in time it will extend to all areas of your life. The potatoes will be overcooked, the paint you close will be the wrong shade, the hotel you booked will be wrong. It will be an exhausting way to live.
My husband is the complete opposite. If my face was covered in pimples he would focus on how great my hair looks and if the paint I chose has hideous he would say how nice the carpet I chose is. It was only when I lived with someone like him that I realised how big an impact his attitude has on me. Someone who does the opposite will drain the joy out of your life.
K
I think you’re being too sensitive. He’s just trying to help you better yourself. Because if he doesn’t make you aware of your flaws, then who will?
KIDDING!
Are you used to being criticized? I”m trying to understand why you would tolerate this BS for longer than a week or two, tops. This treatment is borderline abusive. And it sounds like this is who he is. At about three months you have the complete picture of who someone is and if they’re worth your time and energy. This one isn’t very pretty.
There’s only one speech you need to give him: goodbye.
redcurleysue
I once went out with a man that made comments on my nail polish – I did not go out with him again – and I am very happy about that.
Your boyfriend should be in your corner.
assileM
I dated someone who, right after I would get out of the shower, would tell me to “put on some mascara or something” bc my lashes were “too light”. He also told me that my favorite denim skirt looked like a throwback from the 80’s (he wore knee-length denim shorts and mid-calf white socks – together). That wasn’t all he put down – my hair if I didn’t curl it or wore it too long, my toenails if I didn’t paint them, that I texted in full words / sentences instead of short hand which was stupid. etc …
I made the mistake of being noncommittal about his “singing talent” after his other GFs had praised him for it. He pouted and had the nerve to say, I never put you down, but you put me down on the one thing I’m really proud of. I would have praised his singing, if he was good, but he wasn’t. At. all.
That relationship took a huge divot out of my self-esteem, and cost me years to rebuild my self-worth. Don’t let that happen to you!
Liz Lemon
If you are above average in looks, could it be that your boyfriend is insecure?
I dated a guy once who made little cutting/critical remarks about my appearance or personality or habits, similar to what you describe. Not overtly abusive, but critical and unnecessary. He was an arrogant guy, honestly. In hindsight I realized he actually had pretty low self esteem,a nd was trying to keep me “in my place” because he was worried I would leave him (which I eventually did). That is, his little critical remarks were enough to keep me off balance and constantly trying to justify myself and seek his approval. Just enough to keep me a little unsure of myself.
Anyway who knows why your boyfriend is doing it, but he’s a jerk. That is not the way a man should treat his girlfriend. He should think you’re beautiful and make you feel like you are.
Annie
I used to date a guy like that and he was a narc.
Lucie
My BF is insecure as he’s not very confident. He has a super private FB profile, no voicemail greeting on his phone, hates his photo being taken, and sometimes says “OMG do I have food on my face”?
I don’t think friends or BF should put you down about flaws they think about your appearance. Isn’t it subjective and a matter of opinion?
And what’s so bad that I carry tea bags in my purse? So what? Its not a crime!
Just because he doesn’t, well it’s not right to complain he doesn’t know anyone else that does this.I don’t have a good feeling about him anymore and want to back away.
Raven
Guys with low self esteem, are bad news & are controlling…
They try to bring you down to their level, as you have witnessed..:It’s time to take out the trash!
Dutchiii
If he wasn’t like this from the beginning, then this guy is bailing out .
I repeat , he’s bailing out.
Suddenly finding flaws to a partner is commonly one of the biggest signs the person is trying to get over you, or has another interest he finds better and has started comparisons with.All of this definitely sounds bad to me, he doesn’t make you feel good, and I won’t call this a good relationship…
Charlotte
I believe some people just have a more critical talking style. My bf has the same issue. He rarely compliments me and likes to say what he doesn’t like. I had a talk with him. He apologized and said that’s has always been the way he talks and all his ex complained about it too. He has been trying to work on it but sometimes the habit still comes out.
But things like “you’ve missed a strand” “why you carry tea bags” are not a big deal to me. I would say those things to my best friend/bf teasingly too. Maybe he was just making fun of you?
I think you just need to talk to him about it and let him know that this bothers you. -
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