Boyfriend on vacation and doesn't contact me

Hi Jen.

I’m sure he’s tired and exhausted and needs some cave time to decompress a bit. Just give him the GIFT OF SPACE and if you feel so compelled to talk to him then why can’t you pick up the phone and call?

Thanks Lane and Kaye. That’s comforting to hear

A while ago I started a thread talking about how my boyfriend doesn’t initiate contact with me often. I reach out to him more than 70% of the time. A lot of times, if I don’t reach out, I don’t hear from him. This is old fight between us already and he knows that I’ve been and still am struggling with this way of communication.

A lot of girls were saying either he didn’t care much about me or I should just walk away. I decided I wasn’t sure to walk of because of this.

I remember him telling me that just because he doesn’t contact me for 3 months, doesn’t mean he stopped caring about me. I didn’t comment on that at the time because the idea was so strange to me.

Now when I think of this, I couldn’t help but wondering if we’re compatible. If we go with his communication style, I struggle. If the other way around, he’ll probably be struggling. I know relationships take work, but daily communication shouldn’t be such an effort

For once, I just want him to reach out and tells me he misses me

Are you really ok with a man who could go 3 months without contacting you , ‘but still love you?’ That sounds like a lot of bull to me.

So if you don’t make the effort you would never see or talk to him?

Unless he was blind, deaf and mute, that would be a deal breaker for me.

Walk away from what? A man who doesn’t think of you or cares if he even sees you in 3 months?

I think you need to carefully examine what he is telling you and showing you.

He SAYS he loves you but his actions show different.

You are only paying attention to the words, which is why he keeps you hanging on.

@Jo

Thanks for reply. You’re right. Actions speak louder than words

Wow! You put up with this for 2 1/2 years? There is nothing to ponder and consider here any longer. His communication style plus the distance and his low effort level – it’s amazing that it’s lasted this long. I for one cannot see how I can develop deeper feelings that take me to do more and be better in my relationship with someone if I ticked ALL of the above.

Jen,

Did he ever contact you? Did you call him? Please update us on your recent communication if any. A man who wants to spend his life with you will make it very clear. He’s not going to drop off the face of the earth for 10-12 days and just ignore you unless he’s in a coma somewhere!! My boyfriend’s phone died when he was on the road travelling for work. I hadn’t heard from him in like 8 hours which was unusual and I ended up getting both a call from his mom (he had to call her because he didn’t have my number memorized) and from some total stranger’s cell phone (once he had my number) letting me know he was fine and would get his phone to a store and get it fixed the next morning. This man didn’t want me even going one night worried about him because he ALWAYS calls to tell me good night.

So you need to have a serious discussion about where this is going and why his actions don’t match his words. I would say suggest taking a break but this is a man who has already said he could go 3 months without contact and it wouldn’t mean he didn’t care about you so a break with him seems pointless. I think it’s either shows he can step up and act like a boyfriend who wants to be your husband and start a family with your or you need to move on.

@Sun

I see what you mean. This really reminds me of the last thread I started 2 months ago about planning the visit and everyone was saying that he checked out the relationship already. And that he would either cancel on me or break up with me. But he came over and even took Monday off just to spend time with me.

He definitely does nice things to woo me and honestly, I don’t doubt his intentions. But sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my boyfriend could ask how my day’s going everyday.

@Jo
He’s 8 years older than me.

I just don’t get the sense he is into this relationship as much as you are.

Does he have PTSD from being in the military? Because this behavior sounds off.

Oh no… I dated this man for 4 months who only reach out to me every other day, then slowly I don’t hear from him for 2-3 days…and in the second month, he started to reach out to me every 4-5 days… But sometimes three days later. Sure, every time when we meet up, he’s all sweet and lovey. His excuse for this behavior? He’s too stress out, struggling with financial and job. Then one time he went MIA for two weeks…. Turned up, apologized and said he’s in no shape for a relationship right now. He felt selfish and I deserve better… And we broke up after that. Three months later, he came back… Trying to get back with me, but damage has been done.

I’m now married to a man whom I didn’t have a day goes by without not hearing from him since we first met! A man who panicked when he couldn’t reach out to me the whole day because I accidentally left my phone at home and I was super busy that day (when we were dating the first month…and happened again in the second month LoL…my bad!).

I used to be so naive about relationship…when all my family and friends warned me about my ex’s behavior…..I kept defending him that he’s going through a hard time and that it’s ok even if he doesn’t put me as priority. How dumb was I. My hubby makes me realize what true love really means… It could be so effortless and honeymoon can goes on forever! We’ve been married for three years now and I still feel like we’re on our first month of dating! And mind you, my hubby has a more demanding job than my ex…. He’s financially secured unlike my ex, but he’s dealing with immense of stress every single day…yet he never fails to connect with me every day.

Don’t settle for less <3

You just told her to give him space then told her to call him???? Dating is totally confusing

@Raven:

So what?…
There are still people reading the forum who may come across it.