Boyfriend says I'm boring in bed. What do I do?

I would bet he has a porn and masturbation addiction. I’m sorry he said that to you. Has any other man complained that you are no fun in bed? Also, making eye contact when being intimate helps a lot. Doggy style is more of what he’s probably doing with porn… masturbating with another person’s body. It lacks the intimacy and human connection to make it very exciting.

Again, this is probably his issue. I’m not sure what to do about it. Have you asked him how often he looks at porn? Even if it isn’t frequently, if he is using that instead of connecting with a real human, it could still be an addiction and his way of avoiding true intimacy. I’m so sorry, I really don’t think this is your fault or anything wrong with you.

Advice on what to do? Yeah, dump him. Your boyfriend is an asshole.

I can’t see anyone feeling sexy or attractive when their boyfriend is telling them that their previous girlfriends have been extremely adventurous in bed and a lot more attractive.

I’m sorry, but why is this all your fault?! He says you’re boring but has he offered any constructive suggestions on making things better? No.

What a jerk! How old are you? If he is 10 years older he is probably losing his willy and blaming it on you, putting you down in the meantime. Criticizing your body and telling you his exes were more attractive..wtf? it makes him feel good about himself, no doubt

Why just why are you putting up with this?

Drop this impotent like a hot potato.

I don’t believe him. A sexually adventurous man doesn’t just stick to one position. Has it always been like that? Some men like a woman to take control but you’ve tried initiating. He won’t tell you what he needs and you’ve tried asking him. I’m with the porn thing. I was with a guy very briefly that spent so long masturbating hard he couldn’t feel enough to really enjoy sex. That relationship didn’t last long! If he’s having sex that rarely, he is doing something else. The other option, and it’s a harsh thought, but maybe he’s not that attracted to you. I really think you’ve done all you can and you now have to decide if this is how you want to live. It’s not just about the actual sex, it’s what it will do to your self esteem being with someone who makes you feel unattractive.

what you have described is a narcissist. He may not have narcissistic personality disorder but he is most definitely QUITE narcissistic. The charisma, intelligence, the emotional distancing, and his abusive way of speaking to you, not taking any responsibility for this problem, putting it all on you… trust me, it’s him, not you. No healthy man would talk to you in that way, even if you truly were boring in bed. Seriously. Get away from this guy. He is TOXIC.

Oh, and happy birthday! I hope you’re not living with this guy. Find out all the information you can on this type of man so you have a better understanding of his tactics. Do not expect an apology or for him to take ownership of anything he has done to you. Be happy you saw this now and could get out before it was too late.

hugs

Jane, I was married for 18 years to someone like that. Please leave him. My ex did a job on me, my self love and my head. I am now with the man of my dreams, and I am happy and in love.

Turns out my ex had low testosterone, and was put in shots…still no sex.

Had severe premature ejaculation, he blamed me for it.

I am curvy, he want it a stick.

Diagnosed with depression and anxiety, was put on med, still no sex and lots of mental health issues.

What the hell are you waiting for? I married when I was 21, pretty much a virgin, had 2 kids with him, and I gave up on life trying to help him and making things work. It nearly kill me and I got really sick from all the stress.

Leave now. Have the courage to walk away. Look at what you wrote and shared here. It is HIM that has problems my dear. Not YOU! There is nothing wrong with you!

You are young and deserve a real man! I have one and he loves all my curves and my little sex experience too!

He sounds horrible. I feel upset reading this post. The bad out ways the good, I’m sorry. You need to let him go and remind yourself of your worth. He has called you horrible names, claimed you are no good in bed, mentioned other women being more attractive than you? This isn’t acceptable at all. I know you know this isn’t normal behaviour. Another thing you guys clearly aren’t sexually compatible, imagine another 30 years of this? I don’t know about you but I would be running in the other direction. He is a bad egg for sure.

Hells Bells, this guy is abusive.

He has issues and is taking them out on you. I hope you can really see that and quit asking what you can do….the answer is nothing. He has the problem. Do not let him make it your problem.

Run from this man….he is a shadow of a real man.

My god, how does he expect you to be adventurous in bed when he won’t get into bed with you?

He had a low sex drive in the beginning and he still does. The guy doesn’t like sex and it has nothing to do with you. You are totally incompatible sexually and now that he’s feeling under pressure he’s trying to place the blame on you when you’re the only one in this relationship trying to fix the problem.

I’d dump him. You deserve someone who loves sex and doesn’t call you podgy and boring in bed.

Happy Birthday, Jane!

First of all, when a guy is truly that popular he does not need to validate it with the woman he is seeing. He does not need to tell her, I can get anyone I want type of thing. The fact that he is saying all this means he CANNOT, that he has problems, insecurity is one of them, and he is taking it on you. You are younger, less experienced, so he is pushing the boundaries further and further. A woman of his age would have told him to go get lost long time ago and he knows that.

Now about sex and him being so great in bed with others. Why you you believe him? He can tell you whatever, how would you know what really happened? Also, did you actually see all his “model” girlfriends? Maybe there was one skinny pretty girl, who dumped him because he was bad in bed, and now he is taking it on you.

In terms of his intelligence and charisma. Good for him, let him ride this wave for as long as he can, but you need to be appreciated as a woman. An intelligent jerk is still a jerk.

It takes 6-9 times the time to recover from abuse and insults. Your self esteem can get ruined for a very long time. You spend one month with an abusive guy and then it takes you 6 months or even longer to get back onto your feet. That’s why abuse is so dangerous.

He says he tells you all those hurtful and insulting things to hurt you, not because he means it. So the guy is purposefully causing you harm and you accept it?

Why do you even want to have sex with him? He sounds pathetic in bed.

Men LOVE curvy women. Many many men love it. Don’t you let this a-hole bring you down.

I feel so sad and upset for young beautifuli girls being treated like this….One jerk and the poor girl is going to suffer for months..and absolutely for nothing.

Kick his impotent abusive ass! Do not let him bring you down, your femininity, your sexuality, you as a person and a woman.

Honestly, I’d say to him, look you are free to go and find a skinny supermodel, but buy some Viagra just in case before you do. Oh and I don’t mean it, I am just saying it to hurt you. Adios.

Most women are too nice, too caring and too considerate, we don’t want to hurt another person’s feelings, but we need to stop doing this. These type of men need to have the taste of their own medicine.

OMG dump this a-hole. Don’t listen to him. Don’t let his words get into your head.

No matter what you do you will never be good enough for him because he’s projecting all of his self-hate onto you.

Yet the reality is you are good enough – you are a beautiful person. It is his problem if he can’t see it. Don’t waste any more of your precious time on him. There is a better man for you that will see the beautiful you – and will make you feel even more beautiful.

I always measure the value of a relationship with someone by how they make me feel about myself. If you don’t feel good with someone – how is this adding to your life? No matter what shit we go through, the struggles that bombard us from the outside – the person we are with should always make us feel like they would never go through that shit with anyone else.

So with the right man you could be living in a cave and it would feel like a palace. But with the wrong man, you could be in an actual palace and it feels like a dungeon.

Don’t stay in the dungeon. There is a man somewhere out there that will make you feel like a princess.