Boyfriend talking about coworker

I totally agree with Bedazzle, she made a really good point. She said exactly what I was thinking but said it way more coherently than I could have!

It sounds like they’re really good friends? From what you’ve described it doesn’t sound like anything shady is going on. His friend is going through a hard time and he’s trying to help her out of it. And he’s being open and honest about it with you.

I think instead of looking so hard at him and his motives, you should look at your own. You’re saying it’s “not okay” with you that he’s talked to you a couple of times about his friend/coworker who’s having a crisis. What about that bothers you so much? Why don’t want him talking to you about her? Would you prefer he helped her and just didn’t discuss it with you? Or do you feel threatened that he is helping and giving attention to another woman? Those are the questions I’d ask.

I don’t think you should say anything. He is being completely open about their friendship so why do you feel threatened? Why does it bother you? I’d be more concerned if he had such a good friendship but didn’t mention anything.

It seems that your bfs intentions with her are clear, but maybe hers aren’t and that’s why you feel a bit off about it?

I’d leave it alone or if you have to say something then make it light and jokey but he will probably see through that and potentially stop talking about her or any other female friend at all which would be worse.

Think about what it is that triggers you, but he sounds like a genuine good guy x

Same thing happened to my BF and I but it was reversed. A co-worker of mine also a friend, his family is really messed up at the moment and police are involved. I mentioned it to my BF about helping him by checking in on him every now aagain and snapchating sometimes.

He then opened up about his concern about us being ‘close’ (he’s been cheated on before) and I toned it down a bit. But he waited awhile before saying it though.

So don’t worry, guys and girls can be close, in your case it doesn’t seem to harbor any concerns. But if it bothers you, bring it up and if he respects you he’ll tone it down abit.

If they’ve always been good colleagues, it’s not a problem – if he keeps going on about t *eventually* you can try just talking about how it makes you feel, or telling him you are concerned she is single or if she may have feelings for him or may be leaning on him too much.

He may be doing nothing wrong with her at all, and since he brings her up, he likely has no intention to cheat. On his side, she’s almost certainly just a friend he’s trying to help. However, if it’s a serious relationship and you feel he’s way more ivested in helping her than you, then you can address that.

If he wasn’t close to this person before and suddenly seems to talk a lot about them, that might be more of a red flag – people don’t just suddenly become best buds, and if they are both too involved there can be a potential for intense feelings to develop.

@kim, that’s so annoying.

Honestly, there’s a huge difference between making a casual friend and mentioning them sometimes, to the kind of behaviour that basically makes it look like said new friend can do no wrong.

I don’t think his response was the worst, but he could have done better – maybe he could see how you might think that because she looked nice, rather than as an implication there was anything else dodgy looking. That said, I’m glad for you that she was removed from the equation by luck.

But I agree that the other partner should take steps to reassure their spouse that the situaiton is strictly platonic, and agree on a plan that both are happy with. Whether that be easing up on talking about them, making sure they don’t see them alone late at night for drinks/in ‘date like’ activities, or whatever it is that’s blurring the lines and edging on inapproprate. Especially if there may be a little crush there. It’s OK for partner to find somoene attractive, or make a friend, but it’s not OK for them to prioritise that friend or treat that friendship as if it was a relationship.

Hi Wondering

I sympathize with your situation and I would be a bit concern. A man normally does not speak about another woman to a woman he is currently starting to date. It is actually his job to get to know you better and not having a conversation about a woman he works with and her issues. However, as many have said he is being open but he is also oblivious to how this would make you feel. Honestly I don’t want to know about your co-worker unless I have met her and we have all become friends. I would suggest you pay attention to what he says and if the information is strictly coming out of pure concern (since he spoke about the other co-worker) or if he is speaking out of interest in her life. You can ask questions such as – it appears you have a lot of concerns for her …have you and her been friends for a long time…does she know you are seeing me? or You can also be very upfront and say I know you care about this co-worker and I appreciate you confiding in me the issues she has but I would like to learn more about you and tell you a little about me. Changing the subject every time he brings her up and spending little time talking about her or any other people. In this case if he continues to bring her up…then I would suggest you not spend time getting to know him because he is obviously infatuated with this woman’s life and well being.