Broke up after 6 months and absolutely devastated

Two people can both be in pain from a break up when they both are realizing incompatability. I have lived the same scenario. Even thpugh you fell in love, it doesn’t always mean you are right for each other.

Today has been a tougher one. I’m overanalyzing some of the things we said to each other when we broke up. He is a good man but part of me wonders if he is who I thought he was this whole time because of the way he acted and some of the things he said when I was at his house the very last time. He’s never made the statement “i promise’ and this time he did, when he said he’d check in with me in 2 weeks. In my experience, people who use this statement in fact do the exact opposite of what they promise. And he said something to the effect of ‘this is why I said I didn’t want to hurt you.’. That was another problem that kept coming up in our relationship. We discussed it many times and he said it’s because he’s been a commitment phobe in the past and feels as if he always does something to drive the other person away. So it made me wonder how long he had been feeling this way about me because he asked me if I was ever worried about hurting him and I told him ‘no because I know in my heart I never would.’ And he couldn’t make that same statement to me, probably because deep down he knew the potential was there. I guess I’m just struggling thinking about maybe he’s not the person I thought he was and that’s starting to bother me alot right now.

This is still so hard. I talked to a coworker today and told her about it. She went through some similar stuff about a month ago. And she said something interesting, in that she only allowed herself to mourn for about a month. I asked her why and she said “because I knew I was better than that to spend my time being sad over someone who didn’t try for me”.

She raised a very valid point. But I really don’t think I’ll be okay in a month. What does everyone think? Part of me wants to not rush my healing and my time whether that means one month or three. But then the other part of me really likes her way of handling it. Anyone have an opinion ?

Hi Steph, I know you’re low right now and thinking the worst. But being on your own right now and eventually becoming comfortable and happy with this will be the MOST beneficial lesson you’ll ever learn. Trust the process. This independence is actually the very thing that will lead you directly to the man you’re supposed to be with – the most happy and healthy type of relationship.

27 is a baby! I hate to break it to you, but there’s crappy guys around whatever age you are when you date. But there are also gems at every stage when you look more closely!

So its time to knuckle down, deal with the pain, start thinking about yourself as a single person and what YOU want/like/enjoy.. and guess what? You actually get to go ahead and do/ give yourself all of these things. It will be the best time of your life!!!

Writing down how you are feeling works well so you can look back and see the progress you have made with your thoughts and feelings. Time of grieving depends on so many things. I agree with the post that says getting through this will be one of the most important things you do for yourself.
Go out and get a journal today.

I’d highly suggest you start finding things to keep your mind occupied.

Perhaps go work out, read some books, plan a trip with some girlfriends, or decorate. Whatever hobbies you are into.

Right now you keep playing back what he said and over analyzing it. I think the suggestion of the coworker was a good one.

You give yourself some time to just feel whatever you need to feel and then move forward.

I think you are still waiting around for him to reach out for a check in. Just be prepared that he doesn’t because if you expect him to you will be crushed if he doesn’t.

At this point you are broken up and he doesn’t have to reach out.

Please keep in mind that this relationship didn’t work out because someone better is out there for you.

Just to update everyone: been about 3 weeks now. Had my ups and downs. He did reach out last week like he promised and we kept the conversation short. I do miss him very much and some days are definitely harder than others. I’m trying to not think of all the good times so frequently but it’s hard. Some of my family still doesn’t know so it’s been upsetting how I’ve had to tell everyone that he’s not coming to Easter this weekend. I’m assuming whatever I’m feeling right now is normal and I’m just trying not to rush into feeling better. It’s been VERY hard not texting him but I haven’t initiated anything at all since the breakup and only responded briefly when he asked how I was last week. I know he’s not for me but he also became my friend too and that has been tough.

Sounds like anger/ harsh words is a pattern with you. That’s a problem no one will want to deal with. Might want to work on that before you start dating again.

She’s referring to sisi- she’s had a thread on here herself

Hey girl, you are doing AWESOME!

I have been in this exact place and you are doing better than I did. I eventually caved and went back for the sex part — and that is not healthy when you love and are trying to get over someone who isn’t right for you in the long run!

When you go back and entwine yourself in their life at ANY level, you extend the timeframe for getting over them and moving forward.