Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › broke up but talking in a month about the decision
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by
Lane.
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ally
we are both in college and go to different schools but due to COVID-19 our semesters were cut short so we weren’t long distance the whole time. Being long distance worked out surprisingly well for us and we didn’t have many issues but when we returned home I felt like we were talking way less and he felt like he was too stressed to put more time into the relationship which resulted in a big fight that we resolved really well I feel. A few days after that we got into a stupid little argument about whether living by the beach or a lake was better and I don’t know how or why it happened but it was his breaking point. We talked and he felt that he was under too much pressure and stress with online classes that he cant deal with the fighting and stress from our relationship and he wanted a break. Im not going to lie I kind of freaked out and cried a lot and really didn’t want the break which was probably not the right thing to do but eventually I told him to take however long he needs because I would rather stay with him than not. I didn’t contact him during this time but when our snapchat streak was about to die he texted me and begged to keep it, so I felt like that was positive and there was hope. After a week we met and he broke up with me. BUT it was a very confusing experience because he said that he is just really stressed and confused and doesn’t know if this is the right decision but he’s too stressed to think about it or focus on it. He said that he would be open to getting back together and wants to stay in contact at least for now. He said that he loves me so much but felt like he was not being the perfect boyfriend and felt like he was letting me down (which is not true at all). I told him that I don’t know if I would be open to dating again because who knows when that will be and where I will be at, and after this he started to get really upset and say that he talked to all his friends and family and they said this was the best choice and he thought breaking up was the right decision but now he doesn’t know because he doesn’t want to lose me forever. So I asked him that if he really felt like things will change for him and he will want to get back together once school is over, and he said that he thinks when school ends things could feel very different. He asked if I would want to talk again once school is over and I said yes, but I cant promise I will want to get back together or not, and I also asked if we could set a date for now to hold us accountable to it and when it comes closer if we cant do it that day exactly than we could try another time. So we are meeting in about a month and I don’t know what to think, I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know if I should move on and process all this and get over him or wait around and hope for the best. We also work at the same place but in different areas and his work doesn’t start until the week we are planning to talk, but I don’t know how to deal with working with my ex so that is difficult as well.
Persephone
I’d move on. Do you really want someone so wishy washy? He should be so thankful to have you. If he isn’t, you may not be the best fit.
Also, he shouldn’t have told you that everyone in his life said to break up. In the small chance you do get back together that will be awkward af to get over.
I feel like you could do so much better and find a man who doesn’t play these games or isn’t going through some weird crisis.
tammy
he has broken up with you. but kept you on a leash. why would you agree to this? if he wants a break fine. break off. if he is interested he will connect with you when he feels more in control of life. if I was in your place I wouldn’t keep in touch and start living my life and doing things as if I was single. treat this as break up and move on. if he reconnects later you can then meet him and figure just how you feel and what you want at that point in life. in the meanwhile as I said, consider this as a break up and move on in life. do not agree to wait till he figures whether he will take you up based on how he feels after a month. don’t give him so much power over you! he wants out fine. let him go.
kaye
You don’t say how long you’ve been dating which I think would be helpful information. What I hear is he’s stressed, you got into a big fight about how much time he was putting into the relationship, that fight was resolved but a silly little fight over whether living by the beach or a lake was better and he asked for a break. But then a week later he breaks up with you. He didn’t have to do that. He could have just asked you to extend the break if he was too stressed to think about it at the time.
This is how I feel about your situation. If he’s so stressed he needs a break from you then that’s exactly what he gets!!! He doesn’t get to stay in contact with you, have you in his life and keep you in limbo for a month for some meeting about whether or not to get back together. NOPE! He gets to feel exactly what it’s going to be like to lose you forever and have you start dating other people! Life is stressful, I get it. But if all he can come up right now is that online school is stressful that’s a sorry excuse if you ask me. Like you said, he’s not even working right now!! If he were struggling with working, keeping up with school work, taking care of a child or sick parent then that’s one thing. But school alone…I’m sorry that’s just life. Do you really want a guy who can’t handle a relationship and other stressors in life? Just what kind of partner would he be. Do you think it’s easy keeping up a house, working full time and having kids? What happens when one of the kids gets sick and you’ve got to work and he’s got to work and you’re juggling all that?
I would tell him you want no contact during this month and then you will decide whether or not you feel like meeting him when the month is up.
ally
to answer some questions we had been dating for a little less than a year, which isnt a significantly long amount of time but long enough. I also told him i didnt want any contact with him after the breakup which he literally cried over because he thought we would still just talk like normal. It has been 4 days since we broke up but i have not reached out and do not plan to reach out to him under any circumstance, and i also decided that i am not going to reach out or remind him that we planned to meet in the future to talk because if he really cares he would remember. This sucks so much but i know i have to move on, act single, and live my life. Right now i still wish this never happened or that we could get back together but who knows how i will feel in a month, and i hope i get to a point where im over it, but i am still stressed about working together and especially if we continue to be broken up
Lane
You’re young but its time you start moving out of the ‘romantic love’ mode and start looking at men realistically, not just because of fuzzy feeling but how they handle problems, solve issues, worth ethic, goal orientated, financial goals, etc.
My concern for you is that you stay in bad relationships, for too long, because you choose the wrong men. Seriously, if this guy can’t friggen handle online classes because it ‘stresses him out too much’ while also getting into arguments over dumb stuff, that is not the kind of man you can rely on when the really really hard stuff comes along, and trust me, life can throw some doozies!
You need to set your benchmark higher on not only choosing better men but knowing when to walk away, not holding onto a bad hand. Trust me, you want to find a good partner who you can rely on for the hard stuff, will be your rock, and stand by you through the good and bad times. If a man isn’t capable of this, you walk away, and find a man who will or you are going to have some very miserable relationships. Raise the bar.
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