Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Broken up after a drunken fight
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Maddie.
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Amy
Me and my boyfriend were together for a year. Living together for 5 months. Things have been good we’ve enjoyed living together and have done so well. The only problem is his drinking and partying every weekend. This only started back a few months ago and he’d go out all night and not come home to the next morning as he was partying with friends – sometimes he would pick fights with me when he was out putting down our relationship then come home and apologise. Most weekends it was the same if I was not out with him. I also found a few occasions he lied to me where I caught him out and he still denied it despite proof and threatened to leave if I didn’t believe him or leave it. We’ve always had issues with communicating he’s hotheaded and shouts a lot which I don’t like and doesn’t take criticism well. I found myself letting slot of things go to keep the peace. We were out at the weekend and he was getting in fights I was trying to hold him back and he was swinging and hit me and grabbed me by the neck – according to my friend who seen. He then got the bouncers to put me out as he was friendly with them. I was out on the streets and he just continued partying and did not come home or message to see if I was okay. When I confronted him about it the next day he said “I obvs didn’t mean it” and went as far to deny he had did anything wrong and said “it’s always me” despite him doing that to me and people
Witnessing it. We have left the house now and I am back home and we are no longer together. We had a talk yesterday and he said he still loved me but we decided to leave the relationship both of us were upset about this. I have removed him of social media but I am so heartbroken at how he could treat me like that and deny it. I am struggling to accept this as we were happy all week and had been discussing the future. He had been helping me this last few weeks as I’d been feeling low due to depressions and he’d be so good at helping me and supporting me. I just feel like a fool like it is my fault this has happened as he’s downplayed grabbing me and made me feel like it wasn’t his fault? Just feel so blindsided and embarrassed and can’t help but want him back despite how he has treated me and I don’t understand why. I feel like it was due to me being down and depressed he didn’t want me anymore, despite everything being fine before the weekend. Any help would be appreciated on how to cope with thisZoe
You are broken hearted over someone who abused you and will keep doing it if you allow. Stop!
Raven
He’s an abusive drunk!
Please know you are doing the right thing…Everything was NOT fine before this weekend… How quickly his abusing you escalated, from ghost lighting, to verbal abuse to physical assault!
Please take care of yourself & never ever entertain this guy again. I don’t want to learn about another woman dead from her abusive partner.
Maddie
I knew someone in school with a drinking problem, and one day he got drunk and hit his girlfriend. He was absolutely horrified with himself and immediately started AA. She rightfully broke up with him anyway. That entire situation was awful, but everyone dealt with it seriously and made the best choices they could (him to get help because he needed it regardless of if she stayed or not, and her to leave).
“When I confronted him about it the next day he said “I obvs didn’t mean it” and went as far to deny he had did anything wrong.”
YOU had to confront him??? He didn’t take responsibility, and you had to say something? And when you did, he gaslighted you and didn’t even apologize for what was entirely inexcusable??? What an abusive piece of trash. You’re lucky to get out before things got worse, which they would have. He’s an alcoholic with anger management issues and who lacks communication skills and accountability. He also has zero respect for you. A healthy relationship is not one where you regularly let unacceptable things go to keep the peace. That enables an abuser to start small (she’ll ignore a white lie, I now know I can get away with that) and keep pushing the boundaries out further and further and escalating (she’ll ignore that I yell at her, I can get away with that. She’ll ignore that I hit her, I can now get away with that. She’ll ignore that I beat her up, I can now get away with that).
You did not do anything wrong. Take some time of strict no contact, and the fog will start to clear with distance from him and you’ll see that the way he treats you is not okay. It may take a little bit of time for your emotions and brain to catch up to each other, but stay strong in the meantime. No matter how sad it feels right now, you’re so much better off without him in your life.
Maybe do some reading up about recovering from abusive partners to better understand and process how you’re feeling now. It’s not unusual to feel anxious when separated from an abusive partner, but it isn’t a signal that you should be with him. Quite the opposite. Talking to a therapist about the depression you’ve been experiencing (which actually may be a symptom of how he was treating you) and then about this situation and the break up anxiety would likely help you as well.
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