Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Budding lockdown romance – stress or losing interest ?
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by
Sla123.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Sla123
Hey!
I met this guy on a dating app and initially hit it off. He was very sweet and communicative then we went on a really great date which lasted a several house. We had a little kiss after and then promised to see each other soon. I was leaving for a couple of weeks for a job trip and to sort out an apartment and visit my parents who live in another country – then corona lockdown happened, which I decided to do with my parents rather than risk travelling back. Me and the guy continued chatting and supporting each other with almost constant daily messages talking about life and goals and mundanities and some sexting as we really clicked and were so excited about seeing each other once lockdown is over.Then two weeks ago he goes cold and texts much less. I reciprocate instead of stressing out and becoming clingy and give him space, after around a week just I really think a lot of him. He replied saying the same and both of us agreeing lockdown is frustrating as it’s hard to move whatever we may have forwards.
A few days later he said a few bad things had happened to him and I didn’t pry but messaged to say I hope he was ok. And then we sort of went back to texting and sending voice messages as we had done earlier… then four days ago he messaging saying he felt so sorry and stressed out for not texting me enough but he’s really stressed out financially and logistically as he needs to sort some property ownership and money with his ex. They broke up over a year ago. Which he had spoken about but I had not forced the issue for have all the gossip.
I sent him a message back saying I totally get life is hard and that this situation sounds pretty awful and stressful and that he really doesn’t have to feel bad about texting me less since that’s the least of his concern but I’m here if he wants. He sent back a love heart, and in the minimal convo we have had since (mainly me sending a beautiful sky or a photo of his fave coffee or cake) he’s responding instantly almost with a sweet smiley or quick message. But nothing initiated from his side.
I guess I’m wondering what this all means – is he interested still? Is the stress likely to be this situation and should I give him space or should I check in more detailed asking how is it all going? Or is Covid distancing part of it too? Or should I just chill out knowing we don’t have much history anyway and see what happens when we can meet again? I do like him tho and it’s been a while since I like someone with the same values and goals so also don’t wanna let this fizzle out!! Nor scare him off!
Advice greatly appreciated :)))mell
Sweetheart. You’ve had a nice first date and some texting. Pre-coronavirus, that would just be a nice start – nothing to get too invested in just yet. Due to lockdowns, lots of people have been messaging for weeks and getting more invested in a dating partenr that they are only just starting to get to know.
And I thnk a lot of them will be disappointed. Part of dating is that things can drift apart or fizzzle out at any stage. Second dates that don’t lead to third dates. Messages that peter off. You really don’t know each other yet – yes, even after weeks of over-intense texting.
It sounds like he has a lot going on. Given the coronavirus leaving many people unemployed or struggling, that could be genuine on his side. Or maybe it’s his way of trying to soften the blow after he felt that he didn;t want to see you any more – it;s always hard to tell. But the point is that he is choosing not to message more than the odd picure and smiley. This is not dating, and it is not going to progress to a relationship if it leads to that. He isn’t initiating, and that’s not a good sign in terms of his wanting to pursue something with you right now. The texting right now sounds purely platonic – you guys aren’t dating.
I think you’re doing the right thing by not pushing it – he said he needs space and you need to give him that. But I don’t think you should hold out hope. I would advise you not to limit yourself to this man, because it sounds like this may well not lead to anything real. Keep dating other people.
You could do two things. You can let go. Perhaps he’ll message asking to meet and you can decide whether to take him up on the offer, if you’re still single. Or you can just ask him how it’s going and whether he’s still interested in dating you. Given it’s only been 1 date, people don’t usually need to explain if they aren’t feeling it, but I can see why in your case his occasional messages lead you to hope. If you need clarity, ask for it.
But be prepared that he may just not want what you do.
Raven
Why are you doing all of the work?
Sla123
Thanks Mell – a very sweet and honest message from you. I think I feel confused about it as he was more the initiator to start with and a lot of the messages certainly weren’t platonic. I guess we will never know if the stress is genuine or if it’s just a way to be polite. One one hand, people keep saying this extended lockdown texting is a way to build a foundation and others say it’s a way to overcome boredom. It’s very hard to tell – but you’re right – I think the best thing is to take it with a pinch of salt especially since he’s cooled off for whatever reason. Even without coronavirus, this might have never had a third date anyway, and given current distance and lockdown we may never have a second if he’s not interested (or I am not by the time this is over)! Only time will tell, maybe the best is just to carry on with my life without investing more in this (For my own sanity, especially if not reciprocated) – and *if* something comes of it then that can only be a nice unexpected consequence. Thank you.
-
AuthorPosts
