Bumble, same apartment complex , ghosting !?

I understand girl, where you are coming from

Some tips:

1. No matter what the scenario, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and your happiness. This is the real secret to finding love. It starts with you. It starts with learning to love yourself, and not with trying to find secret ways to make someone love you.

2. If a guy doesn’t text you for a week and there’s been no communication at all, then it’s best to interpret that as a passive sign that he does not want to continue the relationship dynamic with you and would do best to treat it as a breakup.
In this case, the right move when he doesn’t text you back after a week is to move on with your life. Not necessarily to someone else, but move on with still being hung up on this guy.

3.The reason this is the right move is because one of two things will happen when you let him go and move on: Either he will let you go or he will come back and make it very clear he did not mean to leave you.

If he lets you go, then you came be certain he wanted to leave and there was no chance of a relationship with him ever happening.

If he comes back and gives you a reasonable explanation of what happened, then that’s great too. You wanted him to come back and he did. The big thing to realize here is that he needs to come back to you on his own. It can’t be something you forced him to do.

Ironically though, out of all the options, moving on will make him the most likely to come back to you if there’s any chance of it happening.

If he does, great, but if he doesn’t you wasted no time and your door is open to someone else who will appreciate you in all the ways you want.

4. In this day and age, we have access to more potential options than ever and this is an obvious blessing and a curse.

Maybe you’ve been chatting with a seemingly awesome guy on your dating app of choice. Maybe you’ve even gone out a few times. You think this one has potential … but then he just drops off the map. It’s very possible that he was talking to five other girls at the same time and it just clicked with someone else. Or maybe he was casually dating another girl when you started talking and they recently became official.

I’ve been in those situations and fortunately the guy had the decency to tell me the truth, but I haven’t been single in a while and times have changed! Sometimes people opt to just avoid uncomfortable emotional conversations and just keep swiping and move onto the next.

Remember, you aren’t an official couple until you’re an official couple. Until he explicitly locks you down, he’s a free agent as are you and he doesn’t owe you anything really. Yes, there is a courteous way to handle situations, but you can’t expect commitment or monogamy from a guy you barely know.

You have to take every situation for exactly what it is at this moment, not what you would like it to turn into at some point in the future.

His non response is your answer…
Please don’t torture yourself any longer.

You are a desperate woman, which I’m sure he can pick up on. He’s trying to use this to his advantage for easy sex, which is why he keeps asking you to come over for the first “date”.

And Andrea …don’t make strong statements …”desperate” , I want a lasting relationship and willing to explore the possibilities and make required effort

If I had been desperate I would have gone to his place multiple times by now…so I am hopeful but not desperate

You do sound desperate other wise you wouldn’t have responded. This guy does seem to want the cake without putting in effort, inviting you multiple times in the first few dates is a big giveaway, surely you see that right?

I was young and naive a few years ago and was in a similar situation where he was constantly inviting me over to his place and did not progress. I wanted a relationship and I told him flat out that it I’m not looking for just fun, he said we were on the same page. End up telling me he was in love with someone else and was using me to piss off his ex or something…

Your gut is telling you something is off, that’s why you posted on here and it’s telling me that you’re trying to force this into something you want.

Hi is not ghosting you. He is living his life, the way he wants to live it, and is most likely chatting with other women as well. That’s what SINGLE people do when they are playing the field (meeting, talking to or dating people).

Men are very simple creatures. If a man is putting in minimal effort then you don’t entertain them. Only spend your time on guys who are investing their TIME & MONEY in getting to know you on an IN PERSON level. Do you want to date a phone or a man? If all the time you are spending together is on the phone, then its best to disconnect from those who engage in “e-tethering” asap. Look up “e-tethering” and it will help you understand how or why men do it, simply because women let them do it. If more women stopped entertaining men via their phone or online, less men would engage in it, just saying.

So we somehow connected again when I texted him last, I made some authentic delicacy as it was an auspicious day for our community ( both belong to same). He was happy and I shared food with him, met for hardly 5 minutes. On this occasion in our community we share food.

He asked me out again, this weekend, we spent the whole day together exploring a near by place eating , drinking, laughing…a lot of talking ! all smiles

My alcohol capacity is okish but somehow I got badly drunk because we got an icecream. which made me very drunk ! and I puked, he took care of me, no hanky panky stuff.

He took me to his place, we had to stop car after every few miles bcaue I was still puking (3-4 times we stopped ). He talked about his past relationships, asked about mine , about how he wants to settle. He was holding my hand most of the time as I was cold and shivering.

Prepared me some food, by that time I crashed on his sofa, woke me up gave me some water and food..and asked to comfortably sleep in his bed. I was cold as ICE ..like freezing.

and he slept out on sofa.

At night I was coughing a lot, he came in to check on me , i was freezing. I asked him where he is sleeping, felt bad because it was his home, I told him I will go home or I should be sleeping outside..he said he will get his blanket and come. I was still coughing he helped me a bit hugged me as I was super cold. I kinda felt his touch was more caring ( not a pervert) we go a little close. My head was still spinning he gave me medicine and carassed my head so I can be at ease.
Any time I woke up he woke up with me to give water or anything.

Morning I got up my head was still spinning. He asked me how I was feeling asked me to sleep again for a while, got up did his chores. When my alarm went off he very politely asked if I want to get up and if I need anything tea/coffee.

I said this is weird I was always denying for food at his place and now I slept. He said its fine, I was not in a condition to go to my place and he didn’t know where my apartment is ( I never told him ) he just knows the building.

He gave me food , because I made him previously and then dropped me home, I said its walking distance I can go..but he insisted. we did talk a little today on chat but I guess both are tired and still absorbing what happened.

There was definitely a vibe of togetherness, and the touch or cuddling felt very soothing. I have been out with guys in similar situation when i was half this drunk and they tried kissing or hugging…this didn’t feel gross.

What do you guys think?

It sounds more like you got food poisoning or a virus than anything else, so I hope you’re okay. Him taking care of you and not taking advantage of you when presumably drunk is just basic decency and doesn’t indicate anything else. You can thank him for a good time and for making sure you were okay (as that sounds like common decency to do on your end), but I wouldn’t reach out beyond that. Give him space to show his interest level. If he’s still interested in getting to know you better, he’ll ask you out again without you continuing to prompt him. It’s way too early to know if he sees a future with you as he basically doesn’t know you yet at all. And you don’t actually know him yet either! But men with low interest who are not consistently pursuing you without you forcing things along generally aren’t that interested in relationships. One date doesn’t tell you anything. A couple months of consistent effort getting to know each other and going on dates does. Early dating is about getting to know him and assessing if he would be a good, compatible partner and worth your time, not about hoping and chasing and winning him over.

Lean back now and be very aware of your alcohol consumption when you’re alone around strangers because you don’t want to accidentally find yourself in a situation where you can’t get yourself home and the guy doesn’t have common decency and isn’t nice.

@Maddie and @Angie

Thank you for great advice. I thanked him for taking care of me.
And I truly understand he might be looking for a partner but few early dates can’t even make me decide if he is the one, so I halted the thought that is he seeing future with me (too early).
I am very calm for some reason.Generally if something like this happens I am over the fence …like where do we stand…blah blah. But in this case I didn’t even bring the relationship discussion even once between us.

We haven’t talked after that but the only thing I am worried about is if he reaches out again..what should be my response ?
I don’t want to come as easy target because I had a sleepover once( though I was not well)…but I can’t have this pattern repeat.

And there is radio silence.

We went on Sunday, The last we texted was Tuesday,and it was a normal question asked by me…which he saw but didn’t reply.

I have not initiated any conversation after that, but I am trying to find answers, of what might have happened…which I know I should not be doing.

I have 95% lost the hope of re connecting. But this 5% is there and it is confussing,and more of like ….if there is a text or re connection …how should i respond ? And no reply or text since Tuesday is not normal …

And ladies thank you for your advice earlier.

I’m sorry to say this, but it doesn’t seem like he’s very interested. I know you’re disappointed but I would just let this one go. If he comes back at some point it’s only because he’s bored or it didn’t work out with someone else.

Thank you for the guidance @Angie and @Maddie