Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Busy BF didn't contact for two weeks
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Ellie.
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Dior
I’m in an official relationship with my BF for 6 months. He’s 35, at the peak of his career so he’s extremely busy. Our relationship is really good as in we both care a lot about each other and have deep connection in so many levels, crazy bout each other since we first met. We never had any bad moments except there’s once I pouted asking to spend more time with him and he hope I’d understand his situation. Of course I do, but I miss him a lot! Every time we’re together, it’s perfect. I’ve dated many guys in the past and I know how it feels when a guy really likes you, there isn’t any doubt about this one.
He never asked me for space, but he always talk about how he’s putting a lot of focus on his career now so we will have a good future. I’m cutting this short, there are many details I left out which indicate that this is a man that I know I want to be with.
From the beginning, we see each other a lot, but because of his schedule, we began to see once a week or two weeks, In the beginning, we texted every single day and now we text every other day or every two days, which is normal in a relationship I know.
Now, the last time I met him was two weeks ago. When he sent me off, he said “I’ll text you”, this is pretty common since the beginning of our date, but he hasn’t contacted me for two weeks since we last met! I know he has some really important stuff (important projects), going to be intense the whole week until May.
I’m not going to initiate anything and I’ll just wait for him to contact me. When he does… Is it advisable for me to bring up the talk about our relationship? Like where are we actually going. Can we have more communication than this?
I’m a bit emotional sometimes, I get emotional and touched very easily and I have what people called “puppy eyes” LOL. I just don’t want this to end up as an emotional talk. Anyone could share with me on how I should do this?
I want him to know that in these two weeks (if not longer), I feel sad that he hasn’t contacted me, not even a little check in text. I also want to know whether this is his idea of relationship. He’s an absolutely independent man. He works like the typical man–career and money come first in order to provide for his loved ones. Somehow I think he thinks I understand where’s he’s coming from… That’s why he adapt to this communication style. But I don’t think I could… I want him to know it’s okay to not see him often, but at least I could hear more from him as I don’t feel like having a BF. If we don’t spend time together and bond, how are we supposed to grow right? This may not be his concern at all. He probably thinks everything is going fine… My guy friend told me to that and I should talk to him about how I feel.
I could really hear some advise from you ladies xx
Amiee
Hey Dior,
Wow your situation sounds a lot like mine but o start to worry after he hasn’t contacted me for about 3 days and I usually give in! Sounds silly I know and maybe I should leave it to actually see if he does contact me. He’s very busy also with work, he does 6 days a week and long hours but I feel like I’m single sometimes and it’s horrid. I do think 2 weeks is a while and he should at least of sent a little text just so you know you’ve crossed his mind. I really don’t think men think how we do at all and it’s annoying!!!!
Dior
Thank you buzylyzy! This is what I want to do. He knows how’s his schedule is crazy and at times I know he’s really guilty. There’s one time he was unable to see me for two weeks as well, but at least he was texting me every other day. And I told him how much I wanted to see him.. I miss him, and he went, I know.. In early of January he also mentioned how he owe me a lot and will make up to me. So the last thing I want is to add pressure or make him feel guilty! He’s a gem and I don’t want this to end because of this… Our compatibly otherwise is crazy good *sigh*…
I’m just worried he might take me for granted and think it’s okay because I understand his situation and let him get away for so long without communication. I will wait for the day we can finally meet up and speak calmly to him.
Amiee, hugs. My best friends like him a lot. They are VERY judgemental when it comes to our boyfriends because we all love each other very much. So for my girls to like him, this guy is really something lol. They keep encourage me to appreciate and tolerate for now. Don’t do anything stupid mistake and this great guy slip away. I’m aware of how he treat me as well… That’s why I’m putting up with this, but it’s just so hard sometimes.
Dior
You know.. I do rehearsals alone lol! Practice how I’m going to talk to him, my scripts and emotions etc. sometimes it went really well! But sometimes it becomes emotional and I tear up, which is when I pour out all my feelings. This is something I’m trying my best to avoid! I don’t want our talk to go bad. I just want a little compromise here and there in order to make our relationship works if this is what he wants too.
i
Wow two weeks… Has he forgotten you exist? I mean seriously… That’s a long time. I have no advice for you… All I can say is that if it were me I’d be livid.
Dior
@i
Yes, if I’m merely dating this guy then this would be ended already. But we’re in an official ltr relationship and on the same page. I’m not a mind reader so I’m not going to assume he lose interest because it’s a fact he’s been overwhelmed with career. Plus we never had a bad time together. The last time we met, we’re still intense. But from our conversation, I know I’m going to see him less for the this period of time. Right now, I don’t want to assume anything. I just want a good communication.
alia
So this is also LTR? And you are definitely together? What is the plan for being together? 2 weeks without a peep unless he is in the army just doesn’t sounds like he is in it anymore. I’d clarify if you are really in a relationship.
Dior
Alia, we already had the talk and we want the same thing in a relationship that leads to a future. He’s the one initiated the title and all is good.
Also, I know this period of nc is ridiculous. That’s why I’m here. I need advice on how to talk to him when he’s going to see me. Maybe you’re right but I’m not going to assume any other things for now.
I could leave a guy in a heartbeat if he lose feelings, abusive, rude, not respectful, having bad addiction that could harm our relationship, etc… But if he’s genuinely busy, it’s a real challenge.
Tallspicy
Is this the kind of relationship you want? Because you have several choices:
A. Assume over
B. Let it go and wait
C. Make a request specifically about what you want, but be sure you will walk away if he does not honor request.I don’t care how busy he is…he can communicate every now and then, and let you know his schedule. He is doing neither…
Amy S
Oh my i feel for you. This is not acceptable relationship behaviour imo. I know it may seem needy to some but imo it takes 3 secs to send a text and if they arent willing to put in the small stuff how can you expect them to be there for the important stuff. Is he still on social media ? Going out with friends ? That kind of stuff. To me a relationship is built on trust and communication. If you hear from him make sure you keep him hanging for at least a couple of days before you reply. And when you do respond be clear this is not what you expect from a bf. x
Amy S
Oh my i feel for you. This is not acceptable relationship behaviour imo. I know it may seem needy to some but imo it takes 3 secs to send a text and if they arent willing to put in the small stuff how can you expect them to be there for the important stuff. Is he still on social media ? Going out with friends ? That kind of stuff. To me a relationship is built on trust and communication. If you hear from him make sure you keep him hanging for at least a couple of days before you reply. And when you do respond be clear this is not what you expect from a bf. x
Janet
I agree. 2 week absolutely no contact is not acceptable. Even a ‘Hi sweets, miss you, can’t even chat I am so busy!’ or something along those lines – but nothing?!?! It’s not good enough, and frankly disrespectful imo. Yes men put work 1st often, but relationships are important and even if you are his 2nd priority, he should have made SOME contact.Why have you not sent, ‘hey babe, did you die? lol Hope you’re not working too hard, even horses get a day off, miss you xx’
What is it with this, I’m not contacting him, he should contact me stuff? If you are in a committed LTR as you say, you should be able to initiate a message here and there. That’s not needy, it’s human!
I would suggest you discuss how much communication you both need to keep your relationship healthy. Not a peep for 2 weeks is definitely not healthy, busy or not.hannah
Not being funny, but I had an affair with a man who had a wife, 2 children and a very challenging career that mean he often worked 19 hour days. Obviously with the wife and the kids, plus the career and us having to be a secret, it was hard to keep in touch, but he still managed. The longest I didn’t hear from him was a week.
Please don’t tell me your BF can’t text you for 2 weeks! You’re not needy for wanting it. Tell him it’s unacceptable and what you need. Do it nicely and simply. Don’t moan, just tell him that you need more communication if things are going to work between the two of you. Tell him how happy it makes you feel when you hear from him. No blaming, just state facts.
LAM
OK, you’re going to hate this and want to argue, but I’m going to say it anyhow for your own good.
I think he’s “ghosting” you. Men do this to let you down easy. At least that’s the fib they tell themselves. In reality, it’s so they don’t have to hear about the pain they’ve caused you and feel guilty. If he was really into you, no matter how busy he was, he’d be keeping a connection alive, somehow, so some other guy doesn’t swoop in and steal you away. NOBODY is SO busy they can’t send a few 10 second check-in texts in a two week period. Think about it. After a long, stressful day, what’s the first thing you want to do when you get out of work? What’s the fastest way for you to forget about work? Bask in some attention from your honey? Yes, I thought so. And he doesn’t? Not once in two weeks? Hmmmm.
Prepare yourself. When you do hear from him again, it will be one of two things… he got scared and disappeared to sort out his feelings, or he’ll tell you he’s met someone else. Either way, he’s proven you can’t depend on him, and your relationship is not a priority. Men pay attention to what they want to, when they want to.
Believe his ACTIONS, not his words. It’s the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn. A few times. He may be a great guy, but he’s not being great to you. You deserve better.
My advice? Ghost him right back. Move on with your life. If you happen to find someone else before he gets his shit together, oh well, his loss. He should have valued you more and been mature enough to show it. And when he does finally call/text? Give him a good, long dose of his own medicine. Let him know just exactly what that feels like -to have someone disappear with no contact for an extended amount of time.
Anon
Oh god Hannah, talk about putting things in perspective!
@Dior, I hear how much you like him and he does sound wonderful other than never spending time or communicating with you, but two weeks is ridiculous.
If this doesn’t work for you, you need to say you love him, but this doesn’t work for you. Then let him decide how to handle that.
Don’t assume things will change. If he’s this driven now at work, he will probably be this driven for the next 20 years. Do you want to spend the next 20 years alone?
Bedazzle
Hi Dior,
If you have an established relationship which is as good as you say, then why not just text him? Not initiating texting, contact, dates, etc is for when you are getting to know a man before an emotional connection has been established. It sounds like you are beyond that. You still don’t want to chase a man in a relationship, but you do want to dance. I would send him a text that says something like, “Hi (insert pet name here). I hope you are rocking it with work. I miss you tons and can’t wait to wrap my arms around you soon.” Or whatever speak works for you. If he does not respond then I think there is a problem.
Also if this guy is so great, why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Men have this wonderful quality of getting so immersed and focused that time can fly by and they have no sense of it. They look up from what they are doing and realize that 2 weeks has passed. It is something that women just don’t get and bugs us to no end. I am assuming he is in super focused mode. If you gently nudge him, I am sure he will look around and see the world going by.
For yourself is this is going to work out long term, you will need to figure out how to handle his busy work schedule. Does he really need to be that busy or is he a work aholic? I do think you should talk to him, but wait until you are face to face and he is in a receptive mode. If he is as great as you say he is, I am sure you will easily be able to find a solution.
Get yourself in a nice positive space and send him a loving text. I am sure he will appreciate it.
Best Wishes,
BedazzleDior
Thank you all so much for responding. I really appreciate all the advice.
@Tallspicy
I will go with C! I will walk away from any men who do not want this with me, but most importantly, I want to hear from him first. That’s why I’m preparing myself on how to tackle this situation.@Amy S
He’s genuinely busy and I know his full schedule and whatever’s going on with his life. I’ve seen it and we have mutual friends, so we know what’s going on. He has been very inactive from social media especially since last month. He used to be super active on Instagram and FB, but he’s been inactive for days (pretty serious LOL) and his IG is static (no new posts, no new ‘following’). Also, he hasn’t been seeing his friends as much too. I bumped into one of his best buddies outside and he was leaving the country for two weeks that night, said he was supposed to meet up with my bf but he was too busy. So apparently I’m not the only want having difficulty to catch up with him.All these happened the same time he became distant (not attitude, but contact). He’s been busy working and working out at night (preparing for his competition as well) and sleeps really early these days. I’m not sure about keeping him hanging for few days if he respond, because I really want to clear this up immediately. I must let him know how I feel and what kind of communication I want :/
@Janet
Actually I missed this out. Last week I did send him a message at night. As usual, he’s always responsive whenever I initiate contact. He was on bed sleeping, but still reply to me. He had a game interview the next day early in the morning, so I sent him kisses and support. He responded happily and we bid goodnight after a few text. Then I haven’t hear from him till now. So basically he never initiated any text for two weeks, except in the middle, I sent one to him. So I’m just going to wait for him to reply now before getting into the talk.@hannah
Thanks for sharing, really appreciate that! and I will certainly do that!@LAM
I have reasons to believe that he’s neither ghosting on me nor having another woman. Knowing him, I wouldn’t even worry about these. Like I replied to Amy S, he’s really responsive if I contact him whether it’s call or text.@Anon
I’ve told myself the same thing, I’ll have to let him even if I love him A LOT… if we aren’t compatible in terms of…timing. It’s heartbreaking… I haven’t felt like this before. I dated so many guys and I could let them go in a heartbeat because we aren’t compatible and other crap like immature and difficult to talk to. With this guy, it’s different and I think it’s actually easy to have heart to heart conversation with him compared with other men. It’s just that I don’t want to screw up my conversation.@Bedazzle
Thanks Bedazzle! Your reply really hit me. I’ve replied to Janet as above, I did initiate a short text last week and he was responsive. I didn’t count that as him contacting me though. And you’re so right on how time flies for him because of his work and activities. Whenever he prioritize his sports over me, I can overlook that because he’s not doing that solely for leisure. It’s an obligation, it’s considered part of his job. It’s not like he ditch me for friends and other activities.He’s not a workaholic, but he wants an established future. He has a lot of plans and how he’s going to get there. This might take like a few years, probably 2-3 years. He has shared every detail of the plan with me and hope that I could be in some parts of the ‘projects’.
Reading your reply and thinking for a bit, I really do want to shoot him another text saying how I miss him and prompt him to meet me… so I could finally communicate to him face to face. Hmmmmmmmmm………..
I’ve braced myself for whatever might happen next… if he wants to stop this relationship, I will leave. Of course this would be something I don’t want to happen…and it would be beyond shock because everything is so good between us. He’s someone I really want to wake up next to every morning!
Dior
I’m still hesitating whether to give him three more days or reach out to him now! I get a bit nervous…
Gabby
“I could leave a guy in a heartbeat if he lose feelings, abusive, rude, not respectful, having bad addiction that could harm our relationship, etc… But if he’s genuinely busy, it’s a real challenge.”
I feel you hun… I think this kind of situation is the HARDEST!!! I could dump a guy immediately, no second thoughts for all sort of reasons… except a guy who genuinely wants to have the same thing with you, but he’s BUSSSSSYY establishing his life. This is where you decide whether to be the woman behind his success or leave him for someone else.. or happy single. There would be LOADS of challenges and tolerance for the first one, but would certainly worth it if the man is truly someone who fit your requirement… Not easy to come by these days.
“They look up from what they are doing and realize that 2 weeks has passed. It is something that women just don’t get and bugs us to no end. I am assuming he is in super focused mode. If you gently nudge him, I am sure he will look around and see the world going by.”
Yup, just as Bedazzle said, typical!
Amy S
Hey. Don’t justify or make excuses for him if you are not totally ok with this. And clearly you are not or you wouldn’t be on this asking about it. Please don’t accept his breadcrumbs. Don’t settle for less than you deserve and a 10 sec text is not much to ask for. If this is what you accept this is what you will get. Hes not the busiest guy on earth hes just not putting in the effort. Sorry. x
alia
I think this conversation should be in person and it should be the next time he reaches out and sets a date. If you start a text convo, of course he will want you to “stay”, but stay where? Until you actually see him in person for a date that he has set up and planned during which you can bring this issue up I would let loose and be a single lady.
Gauge your relationship by the amount and quality of time spent together. Texting is easy and cheap. If there is no time spent together, what is that relationship really? A distant friendship.Bedazzle
Based on everything you write, it sounds like this guy wants you in his life.
If you can, try and sooth yourself with better thoughts. What you are focusing on right now is making you feel horrible and disempowered. I am also going to guess that whatever you are creating in your mind about this guy is completely false (at least the part that has you feel so bad).
What about looking to see how you can actually be a partner in this relationship? If you are in this relationship then be in the relationship. This guy is carrying a heavy load with his career to set it up to have a stable future and by the sounds of it with you. Don’t make him responsible for your happiness too. First of all it is a heavy burden for any man and they don’t like it. That will have a man run. But also only you can make you truly happy. So why not start now?
Write a list of positive aspects of your relationship and him. What do you love about him, what do you love about spending time with him, what do you love about being in a relationship with him? Then ask yourself how you can be a good girl friend and partner in this relationship. Write it down. Get yourself feeling good about your relationship. Then stay in that happy place, all day. Why not?
I just don’t understand why you are so adverse to texting him. You are applying a dating rule to a relationship. How can you support him and make his life great? Sitting around being hurt and pissed at him for being busy and not acting in a way to make you feel better is not it.
If you got something good, why not keep moving it in that direction?
Food for thought I hope.
Dior
@Amy S
Sure it’s not hard to check in with me for a few minutes. My guy friend told me that because my last text sounded as if everything was still perfectly fine, I didn’t even complain about missing him etc. So he would assume we’re still fine and I’m ok with him getting back into the zone. He’s right because I didn’t show any signs or hints of how’s this damaging my take on this relationship. So I don’t want to give him the ultimatum yet.@Alia
Yeah, this conversation has to be in person. The time we spent is always quality and wonderful… and we don’t do serious talk via texting. Just for checking in, logistics, plans etc.Do I wait for him to initiate and set the date now or prompt this sooner to make things clear? I’m being extra cautious in handling this relationship!
Bedazzle
Of course when I say text him, I mean having fun, being light and uplifting and getting the conversation ball rolling again. If you can get yourself in a feeling good place and get the lines of communication open again, the conversation may be moot.
Tough love here – quit being a victim and make yourself happy!
Dior
@Bedazzle
I just saw your reply after my previous post. I can’t thank you enough. How this man see me in his life is pretty clear, yet I concoct all these insecurities and sadness because I kinda let him slip into his zone… him, thinking everything is alright and continue to focus on whatever he’s facing now.“How can you support him and make his life great? Sitting around being hurt and pissed at him for being busy and not acting in a way to make you feel better is not it.”
Thanks for your answer xx :)
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