Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Can a guy go on a vacation with 3 female friends and it be platonic?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by
broken98.
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broken98
The guy Im talking to… It was on his snapchat story I don’t know what to do.
him and I haven’t done anything sexual. It started early 2020 actually we had a talking stage it didn’t work out so we stayed friends but we both had feelings for each other in October he told me he loved me and asked me if I loved him. I said no then a week later I cut him off bc it wasn’t going anywhere. He came back after 3 weeks of no contact. We stay somewhat more than friends, he says he isn’t ready for a relationship and he is a bit cold to me. But I let it be. Then in January 2021 he wanted to try talking again, said he was ready. I say yes and this is where we are.He asked me to be his girl i said yes then 2 days later he said he needs space and that he’s not ready (last Wednesday actually) now he’s on a trip with 3 other girls. I know for a fact that they are not his exes.
Raven
Date men, not yo-yo’s…
Maddie
I once went on a fun trip with 3 single guy friends I’d known for years. It was totally platonic among all of us. Imagining it was anything else would have been laughable, I just didn’t want to travel to our destination alone and that’s the group who was interested in going. If this trip was questionable, why would he post about it where you’d see it instead of hiding it?
That’s the least of your problems, though. You’re not together, so he can do what he wants anyway. And you both sound like you have major commitment issues and this situationship isn’t going anywhere after a year.
What are you hoping to get from him?
broken98
Hi Maddie…..Do you know of any men who would be okay (platonically) going to a trip with only 3 female friends?
I don’t have commitment issues…he has a fear of commitment and i have talked to him about it. He said “getting into a relationship is scary when you are young. Especially with someone who you know it’ll probably last with cuz then you are in IT DEEP”.
I want to be with him lol
Tallspicy
This is not your man. This is not your boyfriend. It is not even someone you go on dates with. Wake up!
Maddie
I’ve traveled with a couple girlfriends and then had a guy friend who lived closer to our vacation destination platonically meet up with us and join, yes. I don’t think people staying together automatically means hooking up. And I definitely don’t think that’s the issue here by any means.
He’s going to keep wasting your time as long as you let him. He’s admitted he’s not ready, he’s scared, he’s pushed you away, he’s not made this happen after a year, he’s used EVERY excuse to try to convince you to stay while not actually committing. You deserve better than this, and he’s not going to change. It’s got nothing to do with you, it’s his problem but becomes your problem too if you’re willing to make excuses for him too and wait and not be available to other men who actually want to commit to you. Men don’t change just because women try to wait around to prove their loyalty. They change only if they truly want to, and the same is true for women as well.
Why do you want to wait around for a guy who doesn’t want to commit instead of being open and available for meeting a man who does?
broken98
@Maddie: What you are saying is absolutely correct. He is a grown man. Truth is when I cut him off (impulsively) he gave me 3 weeks of proper distance and space. I will give him the same courtesy. If he doesn’t reach out to me within this time frame I will reach out to him in first week of april. I am quiet for now. Either Im his girl officially or he gets blocked. I won’t chase community d!ck :)
Anderson
“getting into a relationship is scary when you are young. Especially with someone who you know it’ll probably last with cuz then you are in IT DEEP”
Mmm. I must say that is quite the line/text. Not saying it’s intentional, but it has the potential to lead someone on. It’s honest. It clearly yet indirectly acknowledges you’re someone his relationship will “probably” last with. And in IT DEEP sounds so appealingly intimate, doesn’t it? And then of course there’s the “scared” part which hints at vulnerability
Not everyone will fall for it. But these kinds of words dangle the most magnetic and sparkly carrot in front of young and inexperienced people. And I’m guessing you are one. And I don’t say this as an insult. Everyone starts out young and uninitiated. But realizing this fact might help you snap out of how smitten you are with him
Because bottom line: your title question is irrelevant. It’s like wondering if it’s time to change the oil on a car that doesn’t even have an engine. Even though he said yes on a whim, fact is he is not ready for a relationship. You can’t change that. Probably even he can’t change that because sometimes time and age the only thing that can. And no that’s not encouragement or hope to sit and wait around for him to change his mind. Like others have said… move on. Stop talking to him completely and meet other guys
But I’m aware the essence of being young is having a stubborn heart and chasing pavements. And sometimes the only way to learn a lesson is not advice but first-hand experience. And so if you are unable to move on from him until the day he disappears himself, I suggest you start writing a journal about him. Write about his patterns of saying/doing things, and your feelings about him. Because when the time comes and your relation with him inevitably ends… you can then look back at your logs, understand and analyze how your mind works so you can prevent the same mistakes in the future and save yourself a lot of time and heartache. Best wishes
Tallspicy
How about you never reach out again? You are not his girl in either words or actions on his part.
Lane
To answer your question, Yes, you can go on a trip with the opposite sex and it be nothing more than friends hanging out and having fun! I did it often when in the military, where we would go camping, skiing, hit the beach, see a band, stuff like that, and the guys would mostly get drunk do a lot of stupid stuff.
Now to your real problem. DROP HIM like a hot skillet. Surround yourself with better people, and you’ll have a happier life :o)
Jess
Hi broken98,
When I hear someone say “he’s not ready for a relationship” then, I think you should run for the hills because I assume that’s what you want. There’s no buts and ifs about it.
My ex went on holiday with 3 girls. One being his sister, one being his female best friend, and the best friend’s sister. Nothing happened, but it seems he’s not gonna commit to you, I think you should just go no contact. Him saying it’s hard to date when you’re young, that’s just an excuse to not be with you. I assume you’re in your 20s, I know plenty of people who are committed at that age, and nothing got in the way of them being with their girlfriends/boyfriends.
Hope that helps
Jess
broken98
He was at a restaurant with 3 of them and he posted a pic of him and girl A sitting next to each other.
Last week he told me he wanted to make me happy…like 5 days ago
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