Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Can he be serious if he keeps asking me to hangout at his place?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 1 year, 4 months ago by
Maddie.
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Maria
Long story short, this guy who I was seeing almost a year ago but for a bunch of reasons stopped dating, came back and text me wanting to get back with me. He said he was a bit depressed before and couldn’t handle a relationship (I’m not sure).
He sounds genuine every time but I feel like he’s not too consistent. And we hung out once having dinner, then I found out he went to travel with a girl but he initially said was with family because he showed me photos of that city and one of the photo is exactly a same one I accidentally saw from someone’s IG cuz IG always feeds me people I might know and sometimes I just clicked in to see who it is.
I immediately showed him that page and he said it’s his friend and they traveled together with her cousin too( she’s in the photo). He also said he can call her right now to prove they are just friends. I said forget it. He said I just don’t trust him and I’m in my own world only trusting myself. Am I?And then after a few days he texted me again asking to hangout a few times but I was busy. And one day he texted me Saturday asking me if I want to watch a movie on Sunday. But I can’t on Sunday so he asked me if I want to go to watch a movie at his place Saturday night. I didn’t go it was pretty late. And he asked Sunday again if I want to come at night I said no.
He texted earlier asking me to watch a movie again and I said I don’t feel like going to his place cuz it feels like all about sex. When we dated when always initiated sex half way of a movie. But then he promised not to touch me at all he only just wants to hangout. And again he said I don’t trust him and he’s frustrated. He said he doesn’t know what to do with me because he misses me so much but he feels like I don’t. Is that true?
My question is can a guy be serious and really fond of someone when these happen? How can he be so certain a which makes me feel like I’m the one with a problem.
I really don’t know what’s in his mind?? is it some psychological game here I almost feel like?
Ewa
what he misses is sex not you, sorry to be blunt but this is the case here .
Maddie
On the one hand, listen to your gut. You don’t trust him, it’s probably for a reason. On the other, if you’ve agreed to start seeing him again, you need to be open to seeing if you can rebuild that trust or there’s no point in going through this or trying to get back together.
Figure out what you need in order to give getting back together a real chance. If it’s to start over and go slow, where he has to take you out on dates and you don’t want to go back to his place for the foreseeable future, that’s fine. Let him know, see if he can do it or if he hears you out yet then doesn’t bother putting in the effort. But if you do tell him what you need and he’s sincerely making the effort to rebuild with you, you can’t punish him for the issues in the past version of the relationship or again, no point in trying to reconcile.
If you feel like you’ve already given it a chance at this point, since it sounds like you have gone out and been talking for a bit already, it’s also totally fine to decide this isn’t working for you and that reconciling isn’t really what you want.
maria
Thank you guys. I’m just having a hard time figuring this out. I don’t understand the logic. If he just wants sex why does he say he wants a relationship with me? If he wants a relationship why does he ask me out to his place? Or is it half half idk…
Ewa
why? because if he told you he wants to have sex , chances of you agreeing to it are pretty slim.
But then again if you are in relationship you spend time at home as well so I would go and see how he is going to act, then you will have your answer.Maddie
I’d focus less on guessing what he wants and more on figuring out what you want no matter what he’s doing.
Having had my share of bad relationships and a frustrating, failed reconciliation attempt experience before, all you’ve said so far does seem like it’s a lot harder than it needs to be right now, which is not promising. Good and trusting relationships aren’t a struggle or a fight.
If he struggles with mental health, him inviting you over may also not mean anything other than this is the type of relationship he’s comfortable with and he doesn’t like putting the effort into taking you out much. Which is okay IF that completely works for you. But there may not be nearly as much “logic” behind this on his side as you are thinking. He may want a relationship as he says but lack the emotional maturity to put in the effort you want. (And as Ewa says, if he only wants sex, saying it wouldn’t get it for him so why would he admit that…)
I stand by my last response of tell him what you want and see what happens and if he is capable of it / wants the same things as you. Move on from him if not.
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