Can love exist without trust?

Tammy is right, you can love someone without trust, but you can’t have a healthy, successful relationship without trust. Just like you can have relatives that you may not like as people, but you love them because they’re family. Love can exist in imperfect situations. It’s just that in order to have a strong relationship, you have to have certain conditions, and aside from love one of the big conditions that’s necessary is trust.

I also think that the fact that you can’t get him out of your mind after 2 years doesn’t necessarily mean you love him…it sounds like you have a lot of unresolved pain and anger between you two. “I think about all his bad qualities and the problems our relationship had to avoid him. But I still go back to wishing it was all good.” To me, that doesn’t sound like love, it sounds like unresolved baggage on your part. You are wishing for something that doesn’t exist. The fact that he pops into your mind often is significant of course, but it might mean you have stuff in your head that you need to let go of, rather than still being in love with him. I could be wrong of course, but that’s something to consider.

Tammy has another good point, do you even know if he wants to get back together? You haven’t spoken in 4 months. He might not be single, or interested in getting back with you.

Overall it sounds to me like this is mostly stuff in your head that you need to let go of. He was your first love, you had a painful experience with him, there was a lot of anger and bitterness, and it seems like you can’t get over that. I don’t necessarily think it means you’re still in love or should consider getting back together with him.

I agree that you can love someone but not trust them. Unfortunately, and if it were me, I’d never be able to get past that betrayal. And so I would never be able to date them again. I think you must have trust in order to be in a relationship.

@Liz Lemon, Reading your answer reminded me of all the times that I was confused. There were days when I longed to get back together but there were an equal number of days, where I convinced myself that getting back together with him would be the worst thing I could do. When we used to text each other, he used to very often send me clips from movies or books where a couple has trust issues and break up or fight because of it. I guess it was to taunt me or get me to respond..but whenever I asked him whether the videos signified us he would deny it and say that he sent it for fun, which is a total lie. Every time, the past was brought up and I tried to talk about it, he would either deny that something like that happened or he would make fun. He’s said on many occasions that I was overthinking and that half the things didn’t happen. This makes me angry because he makes it seem like it was entirely my mistake. When I ask him whether I was the one at fault, he sarcastically responds that it was all his fault. The only reason I considered that I was in love with him was because he never seemed to leave my thoughts. Him not contacting me for 4 months should say something about our relationship, I know. I tried to forget him using this fact. But four months later, I am still thinking about him and now this makes me mad. Because it looks like he is not thinking of me.

Read over your reply to me again. This guy does not want to work things out. He is not willing, or not able, or maybe both.

“Every time, the past was brought up and I tried to talk about it, he would either deny that something like that happened or he would make fun. He’s said on many occasions that I was overthinking and that half the things didn’t happen.”
What you are describing is gaslighting– denying that incidents in the relationship happened. That is extremely toxic.

To answer your question– no, I don’t think talking to him will solve your issues, simply because this guy is not willing or able to put the work in to solve the problems. You said yourself that whenever you talk to him, you get frustrated and angry. I really think you need to stop beating your head against a wall. This guy cheated on you; he baits you (with clips from movies or book) and then makes fun of you when you respond, or flat out denies his intentions; he gaslights you by saying certain incidents in your relationship never happened. This guy sounds toxic as h3ll!

I think you should really examine why you are so obsessed and attached to this guy. He’s no good for you. Toxic relationships can be addictive because they have such extreme highs and lows- I’ve been there so I know what it’s like. But in the end they are so, so unhealthy. Really, think over what you wrote to me about this guy and ask yourself why you’d want to be with someone like that.

i think liz and maddie have both explained so well. after reading all of that i feel you need to seek counselling for yourself as to why you want to work out a relationship which seems to be only full of conflicts? wouldn’t it be easier just to walk away from all that? start a fresh slate with someone where none of this exists? take help to walk away from this rubbish. seriously. you will be better off and thank maddie and liz for helping you see reason. :-)