Can men wait till marriage for the woman they love?

Thank you for your replies!

I’m in my early twenties, so I’m surrounded by people hooking up, having night stands and casual sex (+ regular sex with their partner if they are in a monogamous relationship).

It’s actually a value coming from my culture and they way that I was raised, but guys from my culture are often ‘enjoying their youth’ by hooking up in their early twenties until it’s time to get married (then they want the girl with a ‘clean pas’ lol). But I’m not waiting because of that fact. When I was younger, I didn’t know if I’d wait or not (I thought that I would at least wait one year after being in a committed relationship), but after some breakups, I was always relieved that I didn’t sleep with them. So maybe it’s coming from that too: fear of giving something that I consider very important to someone I don’t have a full committed relationship with.

So if I start dating a guy who had relationships before with sex, he wouldn’t want to wait for me if I tell him that I’m waiting till marriage?

I have a friend who is dating someone who is a virgin. She is also waiting until marriage. He loves her deeply so is waiting for her, but he’s kind of desperate. He doesn’t get a lot of dates anyway, is nerdy and she is better looking than him. I think this is that only type of guy who will wait for a woman. Any guy who gets a lot of girls will not wait.

“Any guy who gets a lot of girls will not wait.”

Ma’am, I’m from the generalization police department. You are wanted for sweeping statements that are considered invalid based on two men. Please step outside.

There’s quite a bit in this thread that I can relate to. If it helps and gives you hope I have slightly similar beliefs regarding sex. Except substitute marriage with “in a committed, exclusive relationship where both people want a future with each other.” I used to want to wait for marriage too, actually. For various reasons but the biggest being I grew up seeing my dad having affairs and I established very early as a kid that that was not someone I ever wanted to be no matter how great the pleasures of sex with various partners was. There’s more reasons as well as the lessons from my first girlfriend but this comment might triple in size, lol. I don’t regret having sex before marriage, but I do regret doubting myself that lead to it. At the same time, I needed that mistake desperately to be sure of myself. I had been so uncertain for so long thanks to hormones, peer pressure, and what not.

It all comes down to how well you know yourself. And if you’re young enough to be sure that you aren’t going to change like some people do. I had a ridiculous transformation starting from 20 until around ~26 where I went from “religious, arrogant, narrow minded, self-serving, self-doubting” to “agnostic, open minded, sensitive and caring towards others, confident”. I’m not saying this to discourage you. But since there is some undeniable risk involved with waiting for marriage, I want you to be sure that your values are well rounded i.e. the reasons for wanting to wait for sex until marriage are solid, and your expectations of sex once you’re married are reasonable. There are definitely guys out there who will wait for various reasons to have sex with someone they love. But I agree that it’s not going to be an easy finding them, not to mention how difficult it is resisting getting intimate with someone you love. Stay true to who you are be yourself openly and with confidence and the search for such a guy will be shorter. Good luck!

Thank you!

I’ve changed a lot in the last years and I noticed that waiting is something I truly want even more and more (I did question myself when I was in a relationship, but I realized that it’s something very important to me and I didn’t want to compromise it for someone who didn’t give me a full commitment).

Also, I want to establish a strong friendship and trust in my future romantic relationship and I want to see things clearly (Having sex make women produce more oxytocin and it can cloud judgments because we are more emotionally attached to the person). So there’s that: scientific reasons that make me want to wait. I know that if I have sex with someone before marriage and I get broken up with, it would really hurt me (like hell) and I would regret it 100%, so maybe there’s part of me that wants some kind of protection this way.

I’m still realistic and I don’t expect sex to be like in the movies. But I do believe that two people who love each other and are compatible in all other departments, who are attracted to each others and who know how to communicate will find a way to have a satisfying sex life.

I used to want someone virgin too a few years back, but right now, I just don’t care and I know that it’s not very realistic to expect that. I don’t mind if the guy has a past as long as he doesn’t have stds and respects me. Also, I’m not interested in ‘trying’ many partners. I respect women who live freely their sexual life this way, but that’s not for me.

To answer your question kaye, it means no sex at all (like no sexual acts even if there’s no penetration). I tend to believe that one thing always leads to another.

Anyways, I’m very picky when it comes to dating, so I know it would be ever more complicated to ask someone to wait for me, but I want to believe that if he’s the right one for me, that wouldn’t scare him

Thank you @Jo for this!

So with your experience, you now want to wait again till marriage before having sex again? How were the relationships (with sex before marriage) different from the one where you were married and you waited?

This question is impossible to answer meaningfully. Some men will but I suspect most won’t. It depends on the individual as well as their upbringing, morals, and culture. Asking these kind of broad questions is pointless because every person is different.

In todays world, at least make sure to wait 3 to 4 months. I waited almmost 3 with many long dates snd open conversations and time spent. I felt “good” and “connected” and 15 months out still do. Look for someone respectful.