Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Can someone plan to be busy for 2 weeks and nearly no contact?
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by
mell.
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NL
Met this guy on tinder. We eventually moved to texting. He’s in his late 20s. I’m in my mid 20s. He was nice, interesting, and I like how he matched my level of humor and openness. We’re both open to a relationship and I think we could potentially have a connection. We touched upon our past relationships a bit. When he learned that I never had sex and don’t do hookup, he said he stopped hookups 2 years ago too. And in short he respected my stand. The texts then got a bit heated and we kinda ended up sexting. I thought we’re both adult and it was just through text and no photos at all from my part so it’s fine.
The next day he didn’t text me until the second day. He said he just got notified for an interview with a big tech company (I’m not gonna name) coming up in two weeks. Just wanted to let me know he has been and will be busy. He said he will text me when he can. In short I said good luck it’s fine. Do you. I have things to do too. He then asked why don’t I come over for dinner the night before his interview. The time when he just chills and relaxes. I told him again that I can’t meet anyone during this quarantine since I don’t live alone. He respected that but he proceeded to say he will call over his FWB then. He just wanted to ask me first. No one has been that direct and honest so I was shocked. I know people can see multiple people at once when they’re not a couple. But I gave him a little lecture about how Im at loss for words, thought he didn’t do hookups and we were on the same page on sex etc. He said well we’re not a couple and he needs a good time to relieve stress before his interview. I asked does he see me like his FWB. He explained that he knew I don’t do hookups so no. And he tried to reassure me that he hasn’t seen this FWB for like a month.
Next day I texted him something like okay I think I might have been too hard on you. I have friends who have FWB too so I get it. We talked just a little bit for two more days. He told me he wasn’t mad at me and it’s actually better that I’m not coming to his place because he’s getting really stressed. There’s a lot to prepare for the interview and he could have scared me off being horny before his interview and since sex is not something I do. I eventually ended the conversation so he can get back to work. He said talk later but it has been 5-6 days since. I’m just curious can someone be that stressed to the point where he doesn’t text you at all for days? I know this is pretty early on. I just don’t know how to feel/respond if he texts me after his interview. Am I being too hard? Should I continue to give him the time of day?
Raven
He doesn’t do hook ups, but will call his FWB cos you won’t come over… Hahahahahahahahaaa!!
Liz Lemon
You’ve never even met this guy, right? Honestly I think this guy just wanted to hook up with you, and now that he realized you’re not going to give him sex, he’s fading away. He isn’t interested in a relationship or developing a connection.
If he wanted to develop a connection with you, he wouldn’t go 5-6 days without texting you. And if he really wanted to develop something with you, he wouldn’t tell you he has a job interview in 2 weeks so will be too busy to talk to you. A man who’s interested takes every opportunity to talk to you! Plus, he hasn’t even asked you out or taken you on a date! He just wanted you to come over to his place, and he’s a total stranger. That’s not the behavior of a man who wants a girlfriend, that’s the behavior of a man who wants a booty call.
So this guy does not want to develop anything with you. He wanted sex or a FWB setup, and when he realized you weren’t into that, he lost interest. You’re not being too hard on him, if anything you’re being too naive. Just move on, forget about him and talk to other guys.
Ss
The way he said he will just ask his fwb over instead when you said no is just gross! It seems like he was trying to bait you and make you jealous.
Honestly he doesn’t sound like a good guy. You’ve obviously decided to hold on to your virginity and be with someone special- this guy is not it. He is tacky and a total player.
Him not being in contact due to a big interview but then saying coming over the night before is just odd and rings huge alarm bells! Also he says he knows you dont hook up, yet it was obvious what he was after since when you declined he basically said he’ll get sex elsewhere.
He has faded because you are not giving him what he wants. Do not engage when he comes creeping back for a second attempt!
NL
Thank you so much for your advices Liz and Ss! You both have really good points. I really appreciate your taking the time to point them out. He did ask me out on a regular date at first which I declined and he also offered to FaceTime. At that point he didn’t mention coming over to his place that’s why I thought maybe he’s not just looking to hook up. But I see it now. As for Raven, I don’t appreciate you just laughing at a personal experience I just openly shared. So disrespectful.
Lane
I have never in my life heard of someone *studying* for an interview for two weeks! If a guy told me that I would have faded on him because its such a lame excuse I wouldn’t buy it.
Just drop this guy and move on. You never met and didn’t develop anything but a pen pal so leave it at that and keep seeking a better guy who doesn’t use lame excuses then fade on you. Fade first haha.
Raven
You don’t have to like what I said… But you know I’m right-
T from NY
Raven was laughing because the excuses he’s been giving you and the way he’s been attempting to seduce you to come over ARE laughable. This guy is interested in sex. Period. And theres nothing wrong with that. He’s an adult and can seek what he chooses. But if you are looking for more than that please be aware.
tammy
firstly hes just some random guy you have met online. secondly despite talking to him for so many days, it hasn’t progressed beyond the virtual world. and thirdly from his action when he invited you over and his reference to his fwb, its q clear that hes in this only for sex. and fourthly you have got way too involved mentally and emotionally with someone you have never ever met. back off and chill. don’t do dinner dates at homes if your looking beyond the physical.
kaye
You sound incredibly naive to me! You say this guy “respected my stand” on being a virgin, yet you then end up sexting with him? A complete stranger who you haven’t even met? What do you think that tells him about your boundaries? It would say to me they can easily be swayed! And after this sexting a couple days later he puts you on notice that he’s going to be busy getting ready for an interview in 2 weeks but wants you to come over the night before. Which you then find out is because he wants a way to relieve stress BEFORE the interview! As if he didn’t spell this out enough for you he wanted SEX! Which is why he called his FWB instead. And wow he hasn’t seen this person in a month. Like what’s he want a gold star for that or something?
So let me answer your questions for you. No, he can’t be so stressed about an interview in 2 weeks that he can’t text for 5-6 days. No, you are not being too hard on the guy because all he’s after is SEX! And a final NO, you should not continue to give him the time of day. The two of you are no where close to being on the same page about sex and you don’t even have the same definition about what a hook up is! You are a virgin and he claims to not do “hookups” for the last 2 years but then tells you he will call over his FWB he hasn’t seen in a month. Which would lead me to believe that a “hook up” to him is some girl he meets in a bar and takes back to his place for a one time gig. So what does hook up not cover in his definition….women he has previously had sex with, women who he has a FWB relationship, women he chooses to date and have sex with on multiple occasions even if it only lasts a couple weeks, etc.
GOODBYE…NEXT!!
mell
If someone’s too busy, they should be upfront. But if you’re really interested in dating, you’ll make the time. Everyone can find the time for a few messages, or half an hour of chat. And if you’re too busy for that, then you’re probably too busy to date.
When I was online dating, I had a very busy job, with 12 hour shifts, night shifts etc. I was also preparing for exams – not many people get busier than that. I still replied to guys every day because my job was my responsibility, and nobody wants to feel that the peson they are seeing can’t be bothered with them. My BF (I met him then) is very understanding, but I’m sure my making the effort helped our relaitonship to happen. Te only time I let things lapse was when I realised I wanted to be exclusive with my BF and it took me a while to turn down the other guys who started cluttering my inbox because I no longer wanted to be on the dating site.
It’s absolutely inappropriate to talk about his FWB. Sure, early dating is not exclusive, nor does anyone expect it to be. But there’s absolutely no need to rub it in your face – how would he respond if you said you’d sleep with your flatmate since you can’t meet him due to lockdown? That’s just disrespectful.
When he told you about his FWB he made it clear that he was only interested in seeing you for the sex, and if you couldn’t do it, he’d find someone else who would. You may well find that attitude of his continues in a relationship. You deserve a guy who treats you with respect. Who will wait until you are ready without sleeping with other women.
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