Cant process that she left me for someone after 8 years

Hi everyone. I decided to do my first post here, because of desperation and loneliness. I dont know who to talk to about this, and since Im not the only person who went through this, I know that some of you will understand my situation.

I (25yrs) have been together with my girlfriend (24yrs) for 8 and a half years. Lived together 5 years. Beautiful times, she loved me so much, she was caring, loving, supported me in everything, enjoyed every minute with me. I loved her from the bottom of my heart. We had so many adventures together, nice memories. We were planning to stay together, establish a family. We already had a common house, both of us started working , had good jobs and plans for future. Like in every relationship we had sometimes arguments.. but our relationship was working and was balanced.

She did not really have friends, and she also didnt have the best relationship with her family. I do sport, training and fighting as a hobby. She didnt have one. A year ago, she started doing a parapsychology course (far eastern based pseudo science which deals with energies, auras, healing with mind and so on), where she obtained a certificate very fast, to become a trainer, teacher. She would change, as she became too spiritual, and always talked about this topic and had plans to make a career out of it, to hold lectures and courses in the future. Im not spiritually oriented, but I was glad that she has found a hobby and I was even supporting her in it. Then she told me, that the trainer who held these courses offered her the final certificate if they would teach and hold classes together in the future. It was suspicious to me, the red alert just kicked in. I told her, that I dont want her to travel with a man alone to other cities, for a weekend to hold lectures. She told me not to worry, since he is an old man with kids, and called me selfish for accusing.

A week after this conversation she totally changed: became cold to me, avoided any physicality, whenever I approached her to talk she said she is tired and went to sleep. One morning, when I woke up to go to work, she was sitting on the couch, and she announced me that she is leaving me. She told me that she no longer loves me, that our relationship is not working anymore. I asked if she has someone, she denied. Told me she is moving to her cuisine. She wished me happiness, packed her things and left me after 8 and a half years, and never seen her again.

She was not that social, while I was. Whatever the future would hold for me, I pictured her next to me, as I would never left her, not even for my career. When she got into this new spiritual environment, she changed immediately, and she left me on the first occasion. I dont know which one is worse.. that her love towards me could be ended in 2 weeks because of someone else.. or that she didnt love me for a long time and she was just pretending.

It was a shock for me, as I didnt see this coming. Not from her. She loved and cared about me so much and I loved her too. Always made me promise her, that I should never leave her. Two weeks before she left, we were on dates, she told me she loves me, bought presents for me, we were planning our summer vacation.. and two weeks later she told me she didnt love me for a while. As it turned out she left me for this course trainer, a divorced man in his early 40s with 2 children.. Why would someone throw away her long time young love, for such a man? Is this really a future what a 24 year woman wants? Where is the logic in this? She just threw away our past, all the things we went through together, she threw away our possible future.. I still cannot process this. I really dont want to sound boastful.. but I finished university, speak 4 languages, have a good paying job, good looking, fit shape, had so many admirers through the years, even she was always jealous and feared I would leave her… I know theses things are not an excuse to love someone.. and I also dont want to play the victim.. its just that I never see that coming, and that I never ever felt anything like this before..

2 days after she left, We talked in text messages afterwards, told me she didnt feel good with me anymore, admitted she already is in relationship.. She didnt want to talk to me even, when I only asked for proper explanation. All her things were gone from our house, she left so easily. She moved straight to this mans house from me, she was confident as she did that. Even after what she has done, when I saw an object that belonged to her in our house, or a present I bought her or she bought me, I just started crying. I became an emotinal zombie.. Im Just staring in front of me.. trying to understand what happened, trying to move on, but I always get dragged back. She was my soulmate, my love, best friend, we supported each other in everything. She was always more romantic than me, yet my love lasted longer for her..

I was always surrounded by women in the past.. could of had many chances, yet I always valued her more and loved her and wouldnt leave her for someone and give up our relationship. I imagined her as my future wife, even though she had her mistakes.. I was so sure that I can trust her.. that she would never do something like this, that she is the perfect person for me. Yet, she did the thing I expected the least.. especially from her.

But the problem is.. whatever our relationship would have been, she imagined her future and her career in this field of parapsychology, in this city and at that particular class.. so they would have spent time together, no matter what.. Unless we moved away.. How could I become so invaluable for someone who loved me so much? Did I really treat her that bad to deserve this? I had my mistakes for sure, but would have changed for her.

The next 2 weeks felt like hell. Hardest time of my life. After she moved away, I started to blame myself: what could I have done differently, why I wasnt more attentive, caring, gentle…
Im not an emotional person, but just kept crying. I was also not perfect.. did many mistakes, couldnt really express my love to her, but she knew I loved her. Thoughts of what could I have done differently haunt me all day, all night. I wonder if I was more gentle, or if I had propose her, would she have done the same? I just cant believe that someone so family oriented, lovable, trustful, caring, who was obsessed with me since high school, left me cold blooded in 1 week. I would have changed all my mistakes for her, but she didnt even want to talk. I would have done anything for her, to make her happy and to stay together. I never received any last chance from her. The fact that she was in my arms 3 weeks ago, and now she lives with someone else already just make me crazy. She lied to me. She cheated (maybe just emotionally, but maybe physically to), left me cold blooded. I just cant believe that.

Its a heartbreak, and it feels like hell. I dream of her. This unbelievable situation is the first thought when I wake up, and when I go to sleep in the empty house now, where we lived happily together. Something has died inside of me. A big part of myself was torn out, and it is very difficult to wake up every morning, go to work, and continue my life. Sadness, shock, anger, betrayal, self-blame.. these feelings are just tearing me apart inside.

Sorry to make this long, I just feel a lot better when I speak about this. Even if I cant handle this at the moment, my sympathy goes to everyone who went through such a situation, or is going through it now.

Thank you for reading my story.