Can’t stop overthinking

Hi Lex. Answer is you don’t relax and just enjoy things. Why? Because you are not able to. You want a relationship/more than a casual thing, with him. However, he told you from the start that he did not want anything serious. Take him at his word. Understand that it is very unlikely he will offer you more.
You are starting to feel hurt already, because you know on some level…this is all you will ever get from him. It is not enough for you, it is not what you want. Best advice is to stop seeing him, fade out by being busy etc. Find a guy that wants what you want and need.

Is it possible that you’re allowing yourself to feel into him because he told you he’s emotionally unavailable, so now he seems safe in a way? Like he won’t get “clingy” if he’s not even present in the relationship, and that seems appealing. But if he turned around and wanted more with you, it might be a turnoff and bring your avoidance back. Even if this isn’t the case, you’re not relaxed because deep down you know there are problems with the situation if you don’t both want the same things.

You can ask him if his feelings on relationships have changed at all since you’ve started hanging out, but I’d expect the answer to be no. Guys can act like they are in a relationship and really enjoy your company after saying they just want a casual situation, and it doesn’t change that things aren’t going further in their minds. Because they feel safe being open and having fun enjoying your company, knowing they’ve already told you what they want. They assume you’re okay with that setup because you’ve stuck around for it and haven’t indicated or said you’re not okay with it.

If it turns out that things have changed for him too, then that’s great! And then you relax by leaning back and just focusing on building your connection together.

If you really do want a relationship in general, then telling him what you want and being okay with walking away if he repeats that he doesn’t want to be serious is the way to go. Expecting him to magically change, especially without talking about it, is highly unlikely. It will hurt for a bit if you’re not on the same page, but it is about him and where he’s at in life right now, not about you or how much he cares. And it’s a blessing in disguise because it makes you available to meet a guy who wants what you’re looking for. If this ends up not working out and you think you’d prefer a relationship with someone eventually, you may want to use the opportunity to dig into your own avoidance some. It’s really, really hard to get into a happy and stable relationship if either you or your partner are emotionally unavailable. A therapist can help with that if you’re interested. Good luck!