Casual Relationship Woes

OMG give the guy a break! He was a single dad recently out of a bad relationship, with his own business. He is in a pretty bad/busy place. You were some fun to help get his mind off things. You did no favours by trying to force him into a relationship when he said he wasn’t available and then he gets all funny when you’re tinder? Of course he would because you said you can be committed and then show you are not. You give him everything and then make it seem like he’s at fault for not giving in when you were only casual? He’s probably confused as hell. He needs to get his head in order and you need to stop chasing unavailable men. He should’ve been one of many, not the only one.

There typo

I agree with the NC.
No contact for 30 days..

Elsa

Please stop finding “reasons” why he doesn’t want to be with you and find reasons of why you shouldn’t be with him.

In one of your posts you say he has a bad pattern with me…picture your future with someone who manipulates a situation and makes it appear as if your actions is what caused him to behave the way he did. Manipulation #1!

His reason for not speaking to u after he saw you on tinder was an excuse and probably a shot to his ego in front of his friends. His personality comes across as narcissistic …. He sees every situation on how it affects him and has no consideration/empathy for others.

Sweetie he did you a favor…you were too good for him and IMO this guy only wants a relationship with himself. So it is now time to find someone who is “suitable to fill YOUR needs” not theirs.

Apparently, a lot of articles here have been having the similar result: “if a guy says he isn’t ready for a relationship, he does but just not with you” While I do agree with this statement since a lot of men for the most part are usually perfectly blunt and straight foward and honest despite what it seems like a lie, I have to say that in my personal case, I believed it when my boyfriend told me this same exact line in the beginning of our relationship as “just friends”. Except his actions would say otherwise. He once told me he wasn’t ready and didn’t want marriage or kids till his 40s, and that he didn’t wanna be “tied down” by commitment. His exact words. But, the confusing part is that in that very night when I was convinced I shouldn’t bother waiting for him any longer despite it all, he calls to tell me how much he needs me and he didn’t mean it, cause he really wants to find a girl to be with and the girl was me….and within 2 months of seeing each other he asked me to be his girlfriend.

Im not saying to not believe what a guy says, again its just my case. In the end, what matters is communication. I asked him what the heck was going on cause he was driving me insane with all the confusion. In the end, he said he knew since the beginning he wanted to be with me. In all honesty though, don’t waste your time waiting around. The best route I think, in my opinion is to search for someone who already has what you are looking for. And if you aren’t sure, the whole point is to not fall in love. I was in love with my boyfriend since high school, and we met again after 8 years and we’re together now but thats no reason to let myself fall in love despite how much I wanted him always. Observe 1st, then make your move, even if you feel he’s the one you want, if he doesn’t respond the way you need him to…its not worth it. If he really means it, he won’t bother calling you back into his life when you leave. That was the test I gave knowing I’d lose him, but it was worth it.

Typo

*Getting attached to him

Elsa,
These days will come but remember they will go as well.

Although easier said than done you really have to stop worrying about what he thinks of you.

It’s time for you to reshape the way you think of yourself. Whenever I would find myself overthinking ones opinion of me, I sit down and wrote about all the good qualities I posses. Remember this person must have thought something good of you to get involved with you in the first place. Focus on that instead.

In the future do not give yourself in a way that you’ll regret later if things don’t work out. So, don’t harp on that because it’s in the past. Learn and grow from it and decide next time for the next guy what you can do differently.

Many of the troubles you are having are grown in your head. Our minds and thoughts can be so powerful, you are the only one who can begin to change them.

I know its been about a month or so since this post was last updated, and it may be irrelevant now, but I figured I’d just give my current update regardless. I’m not really looking for any responses, but feel free to comment. It’s more of a “journal entry” for me. ;)

So, “Mr. non-relationship” calls me out of the blue this past week. I haven’t seen or spoke to him in 2 months or so. He has texted me once or twice, asking irrelevant questions at 3 o’clock in the morning, or sending a short “happy birthday” text. I only responded to the “happy birthday text” with a “Thank you.” I figured the whole no contact rule had already been accomplished at that point. Don’t get me wrong though, this doesn’t mean that I am going to start contacting him just because I feel as though I have passed the “no contact test.” I just realize that if he says something of relevance, I can be enough of an adult to answer. I just don’t feel the need to make small talk or open up any doors anymore. One step closer to shutting the door completely I suppose.

Anyway, guess who calls out of the blue last week? Yup, you guessed it.
I don’t have his number saved anymore but I will admit, I do have his number memorized. I saw the phone ringing, and out of confusion and curiosity, I picked up.
At first, I was sort of expecting something negative, like him blaming me for something after this many months, or possibly just asking a pointless question about something he had misplaced in his house (he used that lame excuse to bait me before).
To my surprise, it was just a phone call to see how I was doing, what I’ve been up to, etc. He asked some questions about how to add his dad on a social media platform, told me about what he’s been up to, told me to not be “such a stranger.”
Mind you, I wasn’t mean but I was definitely not overly welcoming to him either. I was hurrying the conversation along in a sense, used one tone of voice, didn’t get excited, etc.
For example, one of the first things he said was “I just have a few questions for you.”
Me: “Okay, what did you need?”
I could sense that he was a bit uncomfortable because he was speaking in a higher pitched voice than usual and his this childish-like cadence to his words.
So he proceeds with the first question, I answer it all while thinking to myself “couldn’t he have just Googled that?”
After I answer the first question, I ask what his second question was.
Again, I’m not trying to be rude by hurrying him along, but I was just so taken aback by the seemingly innocent context of the whole conversation that I sort of processed his questions as bullet points, moving down the list and wanting to get to the point.
His second question? “Oh, well, I kind of forgot. I just wanted to see what you were up to, how have you been? I haven’t talked to you in a while. Don’t be such a stranger.” Blah Blah Blah.

I answer all questions and let him know I’ve been doing fine. Ask him a couple of questions about his life recently. All the while, I’m kicking myself for even answering because I know he just wants to make sure I’m still reachable.
I think we are past the point of playing games. To be perfectly honest, I don’t think he is using this as a way to bait me and pull me back in. I think it was purely innocent and lo and behold, the ghost might miss me. Shocking.

Anyway, this hasn’t really affected me at all. It got me wondering though and scratching my head a bit. They always seem to come back just when you’re starting to move on, I swear. *sigh*