Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Celebrating your birthday with your partner
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
Lane.
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Lia
Hi,
I wanted to know what do you usually do for your birthday with your partner, do you celebrate it together, do you do something special or is it only with friends or family? I could use some insight.
I had my birthday recently and that was a bit disappointing. My parter is a great boyfriend, great listener, takes well care of me, but he really doesn’t care about birthday, for him there is nothing to celebrate about the day you happened to be born. It’s not only for me, it’s for everyone else, his family, friends… he doesn’t remember the date usually and makes an effort only with his family to not hurt them. I understand his opinon and he understands mine which is completely different. I love to celebrate people and to make everything I can to make my family, friends or partner feel special on their birthday. It’s just a way to show them how much they count and how much I value them. I spent the whole day cooking a whole menu from my home country for his birthday and even if he doesn’t care about his special day, he enjoyed feeling special.
Last year I was alone and single for my birthday and went on a short trip where I had the time of my life for 3 days. I’ve done everything I loved and wanted to do to celebrate my birthday. That was super sweet and honestly one of my best birthday but I made the wish to not be on my own for the next one.
This birthday I wasn’t alone anymore but it felt very much like it. We spent the weekend together and my boyfriend has been busy most of the day, running errands or doing his own activities. He didn’t suggest to do anything special and I barely saw him. He cooked me dinner, but that wasn’t anything really special either, more the kind of dinner we usually have together. I made my own birthday cake because he doesn’t like to bake.
I’m far from my home country, friends and family and have no one here except him. At the end of the day I could hardly hide my disappointment and he felt it and was feeling sorry. He didn’t make much of an effort (he actually didn’t even wish me a happy birthday until late in the day) and I was a bit sad. I feel like it would have been way better to take the weekend for me and go do something fun I wanted to do like I did when I was single.
It’s no big deal because I love him and he is overall a great person, I just needed to vent (my friends and family were all expecting that we would do something special too) and hear about your experience and different points of view :)thank you !
Newbie
Your question gets asked a lot and under i show you a more dramatic example. You say you understand his view but really you dont. Otherwise you knew not to expect much. I think in your case where you established a long term relationship to make a deal with him. About what you like. For example you organize a weekend out or a restaurant dinner. You probably will do most of the planning but you can feel more special than baking your own cake.
I cant copy the post, just scroll down in this section
cupcake
I agree with Newbie here. When you have a day or occasion that you feel needs proper celebration but you are dealing with a partner who just doesn’t feel the same way…you just need to take matters into your own hands.
Not everyone is enthusiastic about the same things and to expect them to go against their nature will just not yield the results you want.
I m not talking about forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to do, but to nudge them into the right direction. I mean he might just not know what you expect from him.For example I am like your bf. I don’t care for birthdays. I tend to forget my own. Its not important to me to celebrate it at all. If i had a partner who was really into celebrating birthdays i would a) not quite understand why and b) have no clue what to do or what he expects from me. However, if he told me what he wanted…I would of just do it (within means of course), bc i love him and i love seeing him happy.
I wouldn’t get upset about it at all. People don’t have to be on the same page on everything. Compassion and compromise is what it comes down to.
Anon
I agree about compromising on these things especially if he’s a great boyfriend the rest of the time. My boyfriend loves birthdays and gifts, but not on Valentine’s Day which is a sensitive holiday for me as I’ve never gotten the attention on that day my whole life. So we compromise and I make sure to really think about his birthday gift as I know it means a lot to him and he gets me a little Valentine’s Day gift even though he doesn’t care for the holiday. It’s taken a few years of working this out, and I can say it only impacted our relationship once in 5 years.
Lane
I too am like your BF, whereas the only two birthday’s I truly care about are my two sons because I gave birth to them, whereas it really is a special event for the one’s who were there at your birth, and the one’s who should be celebrating it with you.
My BF, of over three years is into BD’s but I am not, and he respects my position. Because of his BD loving personality he will do something for mine, like cook me my favorite meal but not go over-the-top because he knows that’s not how I roll…to me its just a day that reminds me I’m getting old lol. I wish him a happy BD but that’s about it. I *might* buy him a gift that he really needs, if I happen to see something while I’m out shopping for something else but that’s as far as I will go—no big celebrations; whereas if he wants that, he’s going to have to plan his own BD party lol.
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