Cheating accusations!!

You’re not losing your sanity, you’re handing it over willingly.

I almost guarantee he’s still cheating. Only a very guilty person acts the way he acts. But you think you’re the crazy one?? Oh sweetie, NO.

Your son will soon be old enough to pick up on the unhealthy dynamic. You want your son to be just like his dad? Stay there. Keep sacrificing yourself. He’ll learn that it’s OK to abuse women. And you’ll find as he gets older he has no respect for you either.

Stop acting like you have no choices and this is all for your son. One of you needs to move out and you need to file for full custody of your son. This isn’t a relationship, this is masochism on your part. Reclaim your life. You and your son will be much better off the sooner you step up for yourself and stop playing this insane game with a cheating manipulator.

In addition to what the others said, it’s never worth it to stay with someone you can’t trust, and he has shown you over and over he can’t be trusted.

He also controls, gaslights, and emotionally abuses you. He will do the same to your son at some point. Not accusing him of cheating, but something warped that will negatively impact the kid even more than what he’s currently learning by example about treating women and treating you.

I know I need to break this up. I just don’t know how to begin. I feel manipulated. I feel like he’s playing mind games and I definitely feel his guilt because it seems he always want to start an argument out of nothing so we don’t talk for a while until he will accuse me of cheating because it’s just too strange that I’m not asking for sex. It’s eating away at me.

Only YOU can take back your power. You’re being manipulated because you’re going along with being manipulated. So stop thinking, talking and behaving like a victim with no choices.

Why are you in this? It is unhealthy and will mot change.

Why should he let you go when you allow all his bad behavior with little pushback? It’ll take effort for him to find someone else who will tolerate that. Don’t buy into his continued manipulation, but be safe.

The most dangerous time in abusive relationships is when the abused partner tries to leave. That is beyond the expertise of this board, but you can do an internet search for free and local resources for women trying to leave abusive relationships / domestic violence situations. They can help keep you and your son safe.

So I’ve left today. I moved to my parents house temporarily. I feel terrible though. Has anyone been in this situation and got through okay? According to my ex, he’s a mess. I haven’t responded to any of his messages. My son so far haven’t been asking for him, but I know in the morning he will. I know I did the right thing. I’ve given this man a lot of patience and I’ve voiced out everything. But I feel absolutely sad. I’m not mad at him nor do I hate him. But I am so sad. I know in my heart and the logical side of my brain that nothing was ever going to change. I was going to be there just for the sake of it. Him putting me last, yet claims he cannot trust me, possibly might be cheating again, no help with the house or our son. No emotional connection, no fruition of the many addressed concerns. Still it’s hurting me. Anybody with the same experience can share their story and outcomes to help me keep strong?

Congratulations on taking the first giant step towards putting yourself and your son first and reclaiming your life! That was huge. Good work. I echo Maddie – get support and get legal counsel.

You are going through a very normal grieving process and the way through is to feel it and allow it. I walked away from a guy whose ex was just too much an active part of his life and he didn’t take it lying down. He actively tried to get me back. He’d tell me he’d leave me alone and then not 48 hours later would be contacting me telling me how much he missed me and that he’d make his ex go away yada yada and he’d do anything for me. I fell for it twice and the third time I held firm and cut him off everywhere. I wish I’d just gotten to a counselor right away and stuck to my guns the first time around. About 90 days after I got out, I saw very clearly how bad he was for me and I was past it – that was with zero contact. You have to deal with him over your son. I’d recommend getting a lawyer to handle that if at all possible so you can get a total break that you need to grieve and start healing so you can move on.

Straight up – this is going to hurt and feel bad for a while and you will miss him, the good parts of him and the habit of the companionship. And also, your son will want his daddy, that will cause you some conflict I’m sure. Hang in there, it WILL get better, I promise!! You have 100% done the right thing. It took a lot of courage and I’m happy for you.

I’ll tell you now everything you think you know about him is probably wrong. He will try to take the child because it will effect you and hurt you. He will do everything in his power to make you look like the one at fault/in the wrong for leaving him. That’s what his type does.

Get a lawyer or fill out the custody and child support papers yourself. In my home state of PA you can do that without a lawyer but you will need to go for mediation to determine custody/visitation.

I thought my ex would “never” do a lot of things and he did all of them and more. Don’t wait for him to make the first moves. Protect yourself and do it first.

I agree with the ladies advising you don’t know what your ex will do and get a lawyer anyway. I have a friend whose troubled ex left her alone for several years after she had their baby. He had no interest in a little kid, she made being a single mom work and it was okay. Except, after the kid was older, the ex suddenly reappeared and took my friend to court looking to share custody, which he won. The ex is still a mess so split custody hasn’t been good for the kid (it was more about hurting her than about wanting to help care for or spend time with their kid), plus it cost money to suddenly need to fight in court. Don’t put yourself in the position for something like that to happen one day.