Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Classic "Not Ready for Relationship" but logic reason…
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Raven.
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Gigi
Hello everyone! I want some advice from you.
So I met this guy from dating app. Since I am really bored with “job-interview question” I began to start in a different way- bit of flirting and naughty lines. It was strange and we ended up sexting for a week- and we decided to meet. We met in my place because it was raining. It was good enough. We talked about lots of things but at a point we started to cuddle and we had sex.
We kept talking every day- not about serious stuff, but about our everyday life. He kept asking me “how was your day” and I him. After until one point, he suddenly told me about his problem. He visited therapist frequently- and his problem seems so big. And suddenly he said “I’m not ready for a relationship- my life is a chaos, I hate myself. But I am serious to get to know you. I think we want the same thing in our life but I am still broken hearted, I am in catastrophe. I do want to keep you in my life.”
I was so confuse because:
1- We only knew for 2 weeks and I didnt even mention about relationship AT ALL. Yet he suddenly mention it.
2- I was not literally thinking into relationship in this very short time, but having him said that make me think about it and it frustates me.I told him to not label our whatevership and not too rush. But in our conversations he always “mentioned” as FRIEND, or “you won’t be my partner Im xyzxyz” or others.
At this moment, I just want to get to know him, because I feel like we’re really clicked and maybe let’s see what happens in the future. But at the same time, I feel like this guy wants to say “I just want to have sex with you” but with that whole hell excuse…
Am I too skeptical with his reason?
What do you think?
ANM StaffKeymasterHi Gigi – I’m sorry that your post didn’t appear published at first. I fixed it. (The forum filter didn’t like the ‘xxxxxx’ that appeared in the text.) I hope you see that it’s published now – best wishes to you!
Maddie
If you’re looking for no strings attached sex and maybe a bit of uncommitted companionship, then keep going. If you want ANYTHING else, he’s not your guy. He’s told you exactly where he’s at in life, what he’s looking for, what he can handle. When someone’s dealing with their own issues, not wanting a relationship is NOT contingent on how great someone else is that they happen to meet. If it’s the wrong time and you’re dealing with your own stuff, you don’t magically get ready just because you meet someone cool. You get ready when you’ve put in the work to heal and you’re just at that point where you’re mentally able to show up. He really shouldn’t be online dating right now, but plenty of people keep looking to connect when they aren’t ready. You just need to recognize when you come across one and move on if you’re not looking for the same things.
It is good for him that he’s in therapy. But not good for you if you are looking for a partner who is also looking for a committed relationship. If that’s the case, you’ll just have drama instead if you stick around this guy, because his not being ready has nothing to do with you. You didn’t cause it, you can’t fix it, you can only accept where he’s at and not waste your own time if it’s not the same thing as you want. You can’t date future potential, only what’s really in front of you.
Zoe
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Newbie
Im having trouble understanding your post. You went for a fling and then he opened up about where he is at in life and not ready for a relationship. And you blame him for Speaking up because that wasnt your plan. But thats how it goes with two people involved. You cant control what he will do and say even you want just a fling. But then after he said that you feel you are getting played by this guy. So i think you should think more about what you really want.
When it comes to this guy. I dont know about you but when a person says he hates himself that would really shake me up. And as bad as it sounds, i think i would walk away because its only been 2 weeks. And you still dont know him very well.
When it comes to intentions, its exactly as Maddie said. If you going for casual, keep going. But if youre already confused after 2 weeks it might be a sign you are wearing big sisters clothes and not that cut out for casual.
Finally, i would urge you to think about yourself first. Dont feel you owe this guy anything. It could take years for him to feel good about himself but Meanwhile you have to listen to all the moaning. Its not selfish to walk away, at least not in my bookRaven
He just wants to have sex with you…
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