Comittment-phobe, hot and cold, should I stop having sex?

Posts this long over nothing and tells us WE overanalyze… mental masturbation, that’s all.

Sarah I’m not trying to probe anything! I’m just repeating what you told us. I’m happily married and have been with my husband 15 years so this isn’t about my issues with men.

Perhaps I misunderstood your posts. Initially I thought you ended the sex because of the post subject heading and you said he was still trying to get you into bed. And you said he hit on your friend.

As I said, time will tell if he genuinely wants to be your friend. I’m a bit lost with all of this because what you’re saying keeps changing slightly.

I do hope it works out for you but I think first off you should work out if you want him as a friend or something more. I don’t know if it’s you or me but one of us is confused!

And I don’t appreciate being told to get over myself when I’m taking time to genuinely try and help you. I told you from the start I wasn’t sure, time will tell but that’s the feeling I was getting. I think I’m probably better off just wishing you the best. And I really mean that!

Jade, I actually never showed him I was analysing anything. Once I was with him getting ice cream, and he said ” your hair is all assymetrical, itś cute”. And I said “assymetrical how?”, smiling, and to that he said “why do you need to overanalyse everything and think the worst” Another time I jokingly said ” You sound like a general in army” because we were setting up plans and he wrote ” 10 minutes, sharp”. I was obviously joking, but he said I overanalysed . He would NOT say he is in love with me now if he only knew how much I actually analyze hahaha. I go into depth, but then I let go completely, nobody else is bothered (except for you people as you are the ones being victims to my overthinking, but like I said, I dont tell anyone, and I let it go quickly.)

I understand you, it is a bit unclear what I want, because my first post was so far away from where I am now – right now I basically am affraid to lose such a great person and company. I have people I habg out with, like really old friends, but basically, I selldom find a real connection, and having him in my life has been SUCH a blessing to me. I basically love his company, and want to be with him, close to him, but I dont really want to date him, be in a relationship with him or have sex with him. Wondered if this is possible and how. I am also , like you said, a bit confused. I kind of want him to try, I am so so joyful now when I know he is in love with me, although I am not sure I will want to be his girlfriend ever again.I guess I need the reassurance, I long for affection but at the same time, I know he is bad news, and his commitment phobia will come up again, sooner or later. So , like he does too, I guard myself but want and need his friendship. We will see, all I can do is to be patient, honest and strong. Thank you, you are lovely

He: I know you are on a date, but just wanted to say sorry for bringing confusion. I´m not ok with you dating others as I feel like we could have been something great. I know this is my fault, I got scared, but I hope you know I mean everything I say and that me being scared doesnt mean me running away, ever. I miss you. Hope the guy has bad breath ;) (remember shark tank!)

He: I respect that you can´t. I´ll take the friendship if that is all I get, is it enough? Of course not, but I ll take it. I just hope you know that your feeling has nothing with the reality. We signed a 2 year contract, you really think I would be so dumb to use you, of all people for sex, and at the same time put myself in the situation where we have to work together every day? I was holding back on the affection, on purpose, I have to admit that. It just felt completely unrational for me to be in love so fast, and I had to hit the break. I´m not a coward, but I am just not the type, I wanted to slow it down. For me, not because of something you did..
He: Hello?
He: I know I should not have used the L word, I´m sorry. just wanted you to know how far from the truth your assumptions are

so what is the problem then? he seems to be totally in love with you!!!!

Meemee, he did , until he distanced himself, and then I distanced myself and then I broke up, and now apparently he took a step back because he is love. There is no problem really,xcept in my own head I want to be friends for now, just keeping people updated :D

Me:sorry for sounding harsh…And no, I maybe wasnt in that place, but I sure was on my way there.. I can´t get too serious because od Aaron, as you know. I need to know someone inside and out to even consider being serious, but being in love has nothing to do with it. I told you in the beginning that I didn´t want to be forced to censor my feelings, which is why I didnt want to be casual in any way, but taking it slowly, and being casual are 2 different things! You said I SHOULD not censor my feelings, and I sked if you plan to censor yours, and you said NO. Apparently, you did. And I wish we could redo it too, but for me, I dont think I could get that feeling back. I do feel like I love the person you are, I just know I couldnt relax in a dating relationship with you

He: wtf I didn´t even see my friends anymore, stupid phone. Hate typing, please charge it
Me: I am not electricity my dear
He: You sure are :)
He:Charge it

Me: I just disslike rollercosters, I analyse things, and I have horribly accurate sense of peoples feelings,as you know. I picked up on these things before you ever did. With you, I would always be on the edge, thinking when I show too much, too littke, what you mean and if you are getting cold. You cant logically plan a relationship, you cant put subgoals and follow them, have a SWAT. Its not business, its a feeling. I want spontanious love, fun. I just see myself being truly unhappy if we get back together, and this little devil of suspicion is there already, so I really dont think there is any use. I´m sorry. This has nothing to do with you as a person, I adore you as a person. I just think you are different than me, I need those little signs of reassurance, I love the small pecks on the cheek, and to you its love when you land me a nice contract. Nothing wrong with that sweetheart, Im just saying this: you would spend your time feeling you cant ever make me happy, and I would spending my time thinking you are not meeting my needs, not giving me what I want. Not because you wont, but just because it doesnt come naturally to you.

FFS, you were “minimizing the damage”. You see falling in love as “damage” that you need to “minimize” so you try to get into “casual mode”. I just cant have that, I want to relax, not think about not being too little or too much, not think about anything really. I want love to be easy. I want to take it slow, but not sit on needles affraid of falling for you again. I´m sorry Juicy, you know how much you mean to me, but now Im the rational one and saying this really wouldnt work. Not saying it cant happen down the road, but I think you need to be completely sure and I need to assess whether you are the right fit. We got too intense, for sure, but we lacked communication to say that, and you dealt with it not by communicating, but by becoming distant and treating me like I dont want to be treated. I just value us too much to allow us to lose eachother, and trust me, we would. Maybe we will now too, but at least without resentment and I would stay true to myself. Sorry for the long ms, you know me :)

Me: your place, me telling you I cant date you..

He: I was trying to convince you not to break up..This is different

Me: Next time you try to convince a girl , dont try to have sex with her if she is brealing up because you made her feel like you are in it just for sex ;)
He: I thought that if we had sex, you would change your mind, we would kiss and make up. And I was trying to just kiss you for a good hour, and talk you out of it, but you are so freaking decisive. There was nothing I could say, you just never gave me a chance to say something, so when we hugged, that was the only thing I could do, to kiss you. And then well, things happened , and hey, I´m a man. I kind of thought if we kissed and slept together, we would automatically be back on
He: I hate that disgusting friend of yours. And I hate noone. Tell her.
Me: Honestly, she was just an excuse
He: Sarah for gods sake