Comittment-phobe, hot and cold, should I stop having sex?

I read this & have absolutely no clue …

Coffee, already answered.

Milla. There is no logic in anything you wrote. Firstly, I have complete controll over my emotions – as I chose to distance my self as I fell in love with him while he was pulling back. Most people without controll try to controll the situation, try to change the other person. I did none of the above, I just realized that this is not for me, distanced myself, decided to try one more time after being treated as a friend for 4-5 days (n0 kissing, hugging, NOTHING, and then suddenly he started calling during evenings and wanted sex again) He was persistant, I gave in another try, a couple more nights and after I felt like he was in it just for sex, I ended it. That he turned out to be in love with me and distancing himself to get some chill down time is something I found out AfterwARDS: during the timeit happened, I was really confused – going from being in love and having the feeling that he was too to going to being just friends without him telling you that he just wants to be friends, having the feeling that he was the one calling the shots, having the feeling that he wants to break up but him not talking about it, just not touching you at all – to having the feeling of being used for sex. I was not crazy to have these feelings – he admitted that he was doing it on purpose and tried to treat me like he would have treated something casual, and still, despite feeling like things were this way, NOT oncE did I judge him, not once did I let anyone on this forum call him something bad – I just recognized that he was in a different space, and after the incident with my friend, along with me feeling really cheap after every time we had sex – I knew it was time for me to move on.

So emotionally intelligent people stay somewhere they dont want to be , and try to change the other person? Or maybe wait around until that person fall in love? hahahahah.Sure, thats Eq for you :D I like and value myself too much – I want great love – I have had it, and I deserve it again – and great love is a guy who likes you so much that he would never risk losing you. Emotionally intelligent and mature guy does not have to run when he falls in love , and the guy I want and am meant to be with oughta know that. This guy is amazing, but he is not that guy. He also deserves to be with someone who will think he is worth the patience and someone he wil not try to run away from. EQ is knowing not to blame the other person, but knowing where your limit goes.I was sad about it for a day, then picked myself up and went on another date because this guy had asked the first time before I even met “my” guy. I didn´t go out with him to make anyone jelous , but to try to move on from this emotional month. I didnt answer to msgs during the time with this guy – I put all my eggs in one basket from the day one. I know you are not supposed to do that, but I am a “all in” kind of girl, and dont plan to change it -instead I intend to be with a all-in kind of guy.

I honestly dont know if he is on love or just really annoyed that he lost me – could be a little bit of both, but he is not the guy for me.

And wow, thanx for stating the obvious , we are not compatible – ofcourse not, why would I break up wth him if we were. Jeez Louise. Why would I be a mess?? 99% of girls on this forum are in relationships they hate, with guys they are not compatible with or yearning for someone they cant have (at least the question-posers). After this took the wrong turn – I immediatly got out – why would THAT be a mess. You girls have such low standards, and someone who doesnt and does not settle with crumbs is a mess, egoistical or whatever name you find for a woman who does npot fir what you thing a woman should be or do.

I understand this dynamic more than mpst will ever do, as it is part of my profession, and by getting out as soon as I did I think I proved it to anyone close to me. Even my guy acknoledge me for that – but I guess you know better than the guy involved hahahaha.

And btw, I never got angry at him, I got quiet, and went home hurt. As soon as I felt that way I distanced myself , and then so did he. No, it was not normal introducing me as a friend 15 hours after we had “the talk” and he reassured me we were not just friends, and thats not the relationship he wanted, or he would have said something. Again, even he himself said sorry for that knowing it was douchy -so he knew he did it on purpose to show me how distant he was- again, you must know better. Also, why would he be annoyed at me, I am his friend and treat him as such, All my friends love me, I am a great friend, but you should porheps work on your self esteem.

Anyway, no way we are distancing us – we work together 3 hours a day and have our morning coffee and breakfast, sometimes we have an evening coffee too, Im not going to his place and we are really civil -he stares at other girls in front of me to make me jelous, but I ignore it or comment on the girl, then he gets a bit annoyed – he gets “curious” when he hears a guys name he doesnt know – but beyond that, we are doing great. He talked with a girl on the phone today, and apparently setting a date up, I ignored it. So I should just kneel down and say thank you lord for liking me, you did something I would never want in a guy but as you are now suddenly in love with me, you are great for me, so I should just go back together? hahhaa well, I dont work like that, and if you do, poor you. Anyway – I love and respect my friends, and he is my friend – he knows it and thats all that matters not what some bitter person from the forum thinks. ANd jokes – thats what we do. Again, you know better than us. Amazing

To sum this thread up –

He is an ahole, He is an idiot, , He is an abuser, He uses me for sex, He wants to take advantage, He is a bad person, He is a mess, he has problems, he is possesive,he is just my FWB no matter what he sais, he is a predator, he is manipulative(all of these implying I am stupid for not understanding)

Then I break up with him, he is suddenly in love and THEN

I am an ahole, I am an idiot, I am using him, I am taking advantage, I am a bad person, I am a mess, I have problems, I am possesive, I am a predator, I am manipulative.

In other words, this is a forum for women with crappy self esteem to bash and insult other women and vent their crappy view on men. Women are so daaamn nasty to eachother , why do you have that need? It is truly sad. So many judgmental, horribly nasty women venting their own insecurities and not at all providing help to people that really want it. I kind of just wanted to vent, I am not used to this kind of guy and thought somebody knew something bout it here – but I learned something – nobody can give you advice but your own heart – and most women here should be in therapy and not giving advice. (dont mean few kind souls here trying to help). So pathetic, next time I ll just meditate, and I frickin out , this place is just so sad