Communication while on a "break"

Stop initiating completely. If he reaches out, you can politely respond, keep the convo short. Get busy, do not be available to talk all the time. You are on a break so you really shouldn’t be talking every day. He’s not going to miss you if you’re so available all the time.

You’re still being too available. I don’t see the need to talk at all during a break unless it’s maybe once a week, if that. It is a break for a reason; you can’t expect anything to change if you are still behaving as you were when you were in a relationship with him.

If that means asking him for space, then do so.

You should always treat a break as a break up; there is a reason your relationship has gotten to the point that you are now on a break and usually when that happens things aren’t good. Treating this like a break up even if it’s not officially one yet will help you practice focusing on other things and getting used to that person being absent in your life. One of two things will happen: this will end in a permanent break up and if you’ve already been treating this break as break up, then you’re a few steps ahead in the process of moving on. Or, the distance you’ve created will scare him and he’ll run back to you ready to repair the relationship because he doesn’t want to lose you.

Either way, it’s a win for you.

… The ball should be in neither court. You should be using this time to reasses whether or not this is the type of relationship you want. When people say they need time to “figure things out” it usually means in reference to YOU. You’d imagine that the best relationships are ones where you can turn to your partner for comfort and support through the “hard times” NOT push them away. Space is one thing, a break is entirely different. You continuing to give him what HE needs while disregarding or pushing aside what YOU want, leaves him ungrateful. He isn’t forced to feel what the reality of losing you would be like so he’s comfortable in half in, half out with the door wide open. In reference to that analogy, push him out and shut the door, he can figure his sh*t out outside and when he rings the bell *contacts you*, open the door, say hello, blah blah blah, shut it when finished until he figures out if he’s in or out. Right now he’s standing in your doorway and you’re bringing him food when he’s hungry and water when he’s thirsty. Nu uh!!! Come into the airconditioning with some sweet tea inside or burn outside in the sun. Lol. Shouldn’t be able to have it both ways for too long. You’re running up your electric bill and bugs are getting in. Hahaha

LMAO Jenny!!! That is awesome!

Thank you Khadija. Our relationship really was great, I had never felt closer to him and then he went to a weekend music festival and everything was different when he got back. We’re too serious and he wasn’t sure what he wants and he has all this other crap going on in his life and so on. It was just so sudden and out of nowhere for me; I think that’s why I’m taking it so hard. You’re right though; I need to break contact and put some distance between us. If he doesn’t come back, then, as hard as it will be, we weren’t meant for each other. Only time will tell. Thank you.

Yes you did the right thing although I think your explanation was too wordy. You are focusing on the wrong things though; stop worrying about getting a reaction out of him. He’s not going to react because he’s the one who wanted this break, so if you were doing this because you were hoping he would beg you not to cut contact, you have the wrong idea. You need to be doing this to help YOU move on.

You don’t need to tell him you love him and miss him, blah blah blah. He knows, and if you follow up with that, you will look weak. Get yourself busy and distracted so you aren’t thinking about him so much. You need to start filling up your calendar with things to do because if this turns into a real break up, you’re going to need to be doing those things anyway to help you get over him. Best to start now.

Good for you Elizabeth!
You did the right thing.
I understand this will not be easy but it can be done.
You have support here if you need it.

Not good, stop texting him, wait for advice here write a text or e-mail if You must and then delete it. You can also write a diary in which You can write to him but no matter How hard it is do not ever send any of them. There is something going on at his End, he may have met Someone at the festival but wants to keep his options open. Never apologize for speakin Your mind if he loved you, he would have responded right away. Forgive yourself though we all make and have made mistakes and please try to move on With Your life.

Hi everyone. I am extremely ashamed to admit that I didn’t listen to your advice, but now I made my own mistakes and realized how right all of you were. Like I said before, I’ve never been in a relationship before, so I struggled with the NC rule, and it didn’t work out, surprise surprise. The point is, I know for sure that I need to listen to your advice and I’m sorry I didn’t before. :(

So here’s what happened. He texted me a few days after I initiated NC and I tried to keep my responses short but it felt so nice to talk to him! He sent me a video of him singing a song he knows I love and said he’s working on another one that I like, so that felt nice. And he initiated so I took that as a good sign. He even told me that he loved me before we fell asleep. But then, during the week, everything went back to the way it was before: either little contact or not talking about anything. So I got tired of it again and suggested NC again. That lasted for the weekend and then he called me to tell me about the interview he had. And again, it was so nice! We had a great conversation and it felt like we were back to normal. So I asked if we could see each other over the weekend and he agreed. We agreed to go to the beach. Well, those plans fell through on Thursday and he didn’t suggest anything else. I felt like I was the only one trying so I decided that maybe I should just officially end it since it felt like he was just skirting around the issue, too much of a coward to do it himself. I didn’t want to break up over text, so I asked if he could come over on Saturday (today) because I wanted to talk to him in person and get a little closure at least. He agreed and asked for a time, but that time has come and gone and he’s been ignoring my texts all day so far.

I’m so tired of being treated like this and crying myself to sleep every night. I didn’t want to end things over text because I thought that after over a year of a relationship, we both deserve better. But he hasn’t given me a choice. Should I text him again, “officially” breaking up? Not bitter or angry, just resigned and tired of this facade of a relationship? Or should I just NC and assume it’s over?

No wonder he is ignoring you, you are his lap dog and he knows you aren’t going anywhere. As I was reading your last post, I was cringing hearing you describe how when he threw you a few bones (texts) you were so happy etc. Please have some self-respect and dignity, know your worth. Do not allow a man to be your be all and end all, especially one who does not want to be with you.

You are coming across as pathetic and desperate. Go back to NC and stick to it. c’mon surly there are other guys or other things you could be doing other than waiting for this guy to throw you a bone.

Guys do not respect girls who they can get at the drop of a hat, rather they go after the ones who they have to work for. Right now you are the latter. Have some dignity. Sorry if this is harsh, but I read your posts and you really need a wake up call. Girls like you is one reason why men think they can treat women like crap and get away with it.

Thanks redcurleysue. I’m not over him, not even all that mad which I guess sounds kinda silly. I’m just really tired of it. He never acted this way before; we had a great relationship and I think that’s what keeps me holding on. He’s my first love…I think there’s a small part of me that will love him for the rest of my life. But I think I’m just going to go NC. Officially breaking up with him might give me the closure I’m looking for but it will also show him that I care enough to need that closure…does that make sense? Instead I’m just going to make him miss me because I’m almost positive that he will, and I’m going to focus on myself, not our relationship. I’ve been too available like everyone said before, and that won’t make him miss me at all.