Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Completely disappeared in the middle of a conversation and plans
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 10 years, 5 months ago by
Lane.
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Melanie
Hi,
So I met this guy about 2 and a half months ago who lives a distance from me, and things were going really well. He texted me everyday, even on weekends and was so interested in getting to know me. He has been planning a work trip near me so that we can see each other and everything. He was getting so personal and was so sweet and tender with me. Things were going so well, in fact he texted me last Monday that his trip was finalized and that his is going to be here this Thursday (July 24)and his schedule while he is in town. We were flirting about the evening plans and he asked a very flirty question to which I responded…and I have never heard from him again! It has been a week now and I have sent a few messages checking in with him, but he has not responded to me at all. I mean nothing, not one word. It is so upsetting bacuse he always either texted me first everyday or he would respond to my texts everyday. We were about a 60/40 (60 being him texting me) so I cannot imagine what has happened! He just disappeared literally in the middle of a conversation!! Why??? I cannot figure this out and I don’t know what to do now. I just sent him a text today and kept it light asking how his monday is going, but nothing back. I don’t know what to do. I guess I am being a silly girl here but this has never happened to me before. I am actually entertaining the idea that something happened to him even though I know it is not true. Any help in what to do with this??? Do I delete him from my phone or what?? This really hurts so much.
Lane
Sorry this happened Melanie. Unfortunately you got caught up in the “communication trap” instead of being able to gauge his ACTIONS which a lady must do in order to make sure a guy “says what he means, and means what he says” on a consistent basis. He FAILED the true measurement of making the effort to actually come and see you.
Problem with these LDRs is that guys bore of them pretty fast, especially if it will take a lot of effort to make plans to rarely see you. You also need to be very careful the man isn’t “e-tethering” you (look it up), as too many guys have too much time on their hands these days. Many guys have become pros at telling a lady what SHE “wants to hear” but actually have zero inclination of being with them.
I would try to not get sucked up in these fantasy virtual relationships before you’ve met him. The OPTIMAL/BEST method of dating are those you see on a regular basis so you can properly measure his ACTIONS (taking you out on dates), and never be reliant on their words alone. ACTIONS are the one area men can’t hide pr escape from—its their natural language/ Women bond through talking, Men bond by “DOING” (spending one on one time with you by dating you regularly).
Chalk it up to a “lesson learned” so you don’t fall into the same traps over and over again.
LAgirl
It sounds like he may already be in a relationship with someone and got caught. That would easily explain why he suddenly stopped communication with you.
You never know what you are meeting online. There are many men out there who are married or who have GF’s seeking extra attention from women via text and internet. In your case, the fact he is long distance makes it very easy for him to do this.
I would not worry about it and move on. In the future do not get so attached and emotionally charged about a man just based on what he tells you. To Lane’s point above, you have to see if he backs it up with actions.
Too many women get caught up in falli for a or getting her hope up over text conversations – when they have not even met the man. It is easier on your heart and emotions to stay detached until you meet. Try not to get so ‘personal’ with a stranger until you have a date an see if there is truly a connetion and sincere nterest onhis part.
Melanie
Thanks for the advice. We did meet in person once, and we were planning on getting together again this week but now he has disappeared. I have one more question…So, from what is sounds like it is hopeless that I will ever hear from him again?? Should I text him again to ask him what the heck is going on or just delete him from my phone?? Do I even ask about our meeting this week or am I just being dense now?? :-( Sorry or asking but I really never had this happen and I am so confused and shocked by this. He was the last person I thought would just disappear like this with no explaination or anything.
Lane
Melanie,
One more text isn’t going to make him respond. Like the saying goes “a form of insanity is doing the same thing over, and over, and over again, yet expecting a different result.”
He KNOWS where to find you. Trust me, if he was going to reach out he would have by now. Yes, I would delete his number and try not to invest in a man you barely know so early and easily. If he all of sudden gets in contact, I would hold him at arms-length because you DON’T really KNOW HIM, only what he TELLS YOU and its impossible for you to verify if its true or not. You are too trusting IMO.
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