Complicated friendship.

Cautionary tale. I once had a “complex” long-distance friendship with occasional benefits that sounds very similar to this. I thought we really were friends for a few years. Eventually he met someone he wanted to try to date seriously, and got more and more uncomfortable around me though we’d stopped hooking up prior. Things never worked out with her but he wanted them to, which made him realize he had commitment issues and wanted to rethink some things. Finally, he blew up our friendship while trying to figure himself out. I was hurt at the time and shocked about being treated more like an ex than a friend! It was a disappointing mess on both sides, though also a great learning experience that highlighted where I needed to grow.

I’d draw a hard line right now to never hook up again if you really want to be friends with this guy. No situationships. But understand that if one or both of you have unresolved emotional issues or immaturity, there is always a chance you may grow apart in the future, especially if other partners enter the mix. Friendships shouldn’t be complex, but if they are it’s not necessarily because there’s something more there romantically. It can be because of underlying unrelated issues or trauma instead. It also isn’t really friendship if you can’t stop seeing the what ifs or wonder somewhere in the back of your mind if there’s romantic potential, even if you both date others. Adding long distance into the mix also makes it hard to truly know each other well, but makes it easy to believe that you do.