Complicated, Unsure what to do, situation…

I would say nothing. Why? Because at this point all you’re doing is meeting for the first time and have no idea if you will ever see or hear from him again. You and your ex said you would say something IF that time comes, so I would only do so when that time actually happens.

The thing that does concern me is that if you aren’t ready for a relationship then you shouldn’t be dating. Honestly, treating this nice fellow as a hobby or something to do because your bored is not cool. I personally think you should just be single for awhile until you’re in a healthier mental place. You are going in the wrong direction—whatever’s going on with you isn’t outside of you but within you.

I agree with Lane 100% on both points. First, there’s no need to tell your ex anything at all if you’re just meeting this guy for the first time. You have no idea if it will go anywhere. No need to say anything at all unless you see yourself dating this new guy regularly.

And I agree that if you’re not looking for a relationship, you need to make it VERY clear to this new guy. It definitely isn’t cool to date as a hobby or pastime when you still have feelings for your ex (which you admitted to in your post) and are still sexually involved with him, without making it REALLY clear to the other party where your head is at.

I don’t know how long you and your ex were together but Nov 2019 wasn’t that long ago, and you’re still having sex with him so really you have not resolved the breakup. No judgment on the FWB thing but I do think that situation will prevent you from truly moving on and finding someone else. FWB is one thing, but FWB with someone you were once in a relationship is a whole different ballgame. I tend to agree with Lane that you probably shouldn’t be dating at all at this point, given everything you’ve laid out in your post.

I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, but honestly – you’re setting yourself up for trouble with this situation.

I’ve got no judgment about you having FWB with your ex or any of it.

From a practical standpoint though, you’ve got your sexual needs taken care of with one guy you aren’t serious about and you’re out looking to spend time with other guys that you don’t intend to be serious about. Are you just young and having fun, is that what it’s about?

Where I see a problem on the horizon is you like this second guy enough (despite having not met) to not want to tell him about your your FWB/ex or the FWB/ex about the second guy? What happens if you really like the second guy once you meet? What happens if you accidentally wind up in bed with him in a few dates?? What happens if your FWB/ex exits your life completely once he knows you’re seeing someone else, are you OK with that? Women post here all the time about dating someone they didn’t think they were serious about and then catching feelings. Are you really being honest with yourself about not wanting to be serious with either of these guys or anyone? No need to answer, that’s more for you to think about and answer for yourself.

You see how complicated this could get? It would be very easy for you to get hurt or you to hurt one of these days. Please stop and think carefully about proceeding with meeting the second guy before you do it as you’re opening quite a barrel of monkeys. I agree with Lane and Liz’s advice.

Please don’t meet the new guy and take Lane’s sdvice. You can let the guy know very nicely in an email or text where you are in your mindset.

Thank you, Newbie. I was in the middle of typing saying “I don’t see anything wrong meeting with the new guy” but you’ve said it perfectly. But yes, I do agree also with the last part.

Again, I know the situation between my ex and me is unusual, and I know feelings will be hurt at some stage down the line. But right now, It suits me and It suits him.

We’re still close, it’s not just sexual. I would like in the future for us to stay friends. we work well as friends, but I can’t deny the sexual attraction we still have for each other either. so I can’t say what’s going to happen in the future. A day will come where we will separate because we want to move forward with someone else. Right now, I’m not looking to settle down with anyone.

I dont think its dishonest. Lots of people are unsure of what they really want. Sometimes you have to find it first

Speaking as a girl who was recently told on the third date by a guy “I’m not looking for serious”, it was so frustrating ! I’d honestly rather have had him not tell me and see how things unfolded. I’m a big girl and I can date a man and see where it goes after a couple months and decide for myself .
Given that you haven’t met him yet , I wouldn’t jump to saying that to him . It’s a presumptuous thing to say to someone so early and puts them in a weak position .
Obviously if he started saying things that made you think he was serious and you knew for sure you aren’t serious , then I’d go ahead and tell him . Just my two cents .