Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Confused and frustrated
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
Sonja.
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Sonja
Hello, I had another thread called “withdrawing because of stress” on here. I realise that I am probably going to get various opinions again but I need to vent and to be snapped out of it.
So this guy I was seeing for 3/4 months started to act distant after the Holidays. First I wasn’t sure if it was because of work but after eventually confronting him, he said that he wanted to go back to his home country by the end of the year and needed to focus on his business (he’s an entrepreneur) so didn’t want to commit but pretty much suggested a FWB situation. To which I responded thanks but no thanks, I’m moving on and all the best to you.
He was pretty shocked by my response and came back backtracking a bit and saying that he was sad about my decision and that he didn’t know what to do and where to go from there and to let him know how I felt. I responded saying that I had already told him how I felt, and that if he was genuinely bothered by it, to meet in person and talk rather than going around in circles with back and forth voice messages.
10 days go by and I had deleted his number and was chatting to other guys and even went on a date (didn’t feel chemistry with the other guy but at least I was moving on). Out of the blue he sends me a voice message saying that he realises he hasn’t been in touch for a while and that he wasn’t disappearing but that he actually thinks about me every day and almost sent a message several times and that he hopes I am well and happy and my family too and he sends me lots of kisses… WTF?
I hesitated before replying but eventually did saying that he was a complicated man and that it’s all nice and good that he is thinking about me but I’m confused what he wants from me. That I told him I was open to have a conversation but that it would have to happen pretty quickly as this is almost “too little too late” and that if he’s not prepared to have a conversation then he will have to disappear because anything else doesn’t make sense. That was 2 days ago and no reply.
Surely he can’t think that I would fall back straight into his arms after that dumb message? In my head I have a cut off on Monday for him to meet me for a chat after that I am done completely. Am I stupid to even let the door open? He used to be so caring and nice but now he is starting to come across as selfish and a coward… I guess those are his true colours?
T from NY
I’ve become painfully aware that just because a man likes you a lot, even respects you and thinks your high quality woman, it doesn’t mean they will see a future with you or do the work it takes to invest in something real with you. As long as y’all dated he would know that, move or no move, if he wanted you in his life and he chose to tell you he was moving.
I mean you’ve done everything right. He moving! Are you so enamored you’d consider dating further, getting in deeper and moving away too? So he’s missing you. It sounds like he genuinely liked you. But that doesn’t mean he’s ready for anything serious and probably doesn’t want to meet in person and get swept up making promises he knows he probably won’t keep, or doesn’t know what to say to you! The “almost” guys-relationships are the hardest to walk away from. But I don’t see a long term solution here.
Zoe
He already told you what he wants, there is no confusion
Move onSonja
Ok I have to share this update because it is quite tragi-comic!
So this man just sent me a message starting with how lovely it was to hear my sexy voice. And then telling me that whatever we had kinda faded away when he went away for the holidays and he realised his future was there. But wait for it: he met with an ex girlfriend last week for coffee and it was nice and they decided to kinda give it another go but that I am the most beautiful, amazing woman he’s ever met and great sex and that he hopes we can be friends and hang out and do things together because he loves spending time with me!
The man who sent me all his love coming back from the holidays, who was sad and felt stuck when I told him thanks but no thanks when he said he didn’t want to commit and who told me last week unprompted that he was thinking about me everyday (probably while having coffee with his ex)!! I NEVER chased the guy! Bloody narcissist who can’t cope with someone telling him be a man or take a hike! It only took your ex a coffee to take you back well good for you guys, all the best! What a joke!! I really dodged a bullet here, haha
As far as he’s concerned I haven’t listened to his message (the advantage of having two phones) and I won’t even give him the satisfaction. So so done, this man is such a joke!
A lesson for women out there, words are cheap so don’t ever take a man back until he’s proved himself. You will avoid wasting time on low ego men seeking for validation.
Maddie
You communicated and handled this really well! If he was at all able to be serious about anything, he’d have stepped up to match you already. You were very clear and gave him the opportunity to respond maturely and in person, which he didn’t (I’d even bet your maturity scares him and he knows he’s losing out here). Don’t worry about him, you’re dodging a bullet and yes, these are his true colors. You’ll find a better situation if you let this one go, and you’ll know it’s better because you won’t be confused or making excuses.
Sonja
Thank you Maddie, I agree I dodged such a bullet! Good riddance!! Haha
I hope this is a good example for all women out there listening to sweet words. They don’t mean a thing without action
He’s just helped me to get over it faster :)
Newbie
Right! Yeah thanks for the update. It shows perfectly clear guys who withdraw around 3/4 months are not all in for various reasons. I remember your first post vaguely. I thought you already suspected an ex in the mix or someone else suggested it. Too bad, its often true.
You have to Thank yourself for being so cristal clear to him because i doubt he would have told you the truth otherwise. I think you hurt his ego a bit when you didnt come running back. LolSonja
Thank you Newbie :) The ex thing came out of the blue but I think he’s just looking for a quick easy fix for his bruised ego. Or maybe not, I don’t care…
This man has some real issues that I am not qualified to fix nor do I want to… If I don’t pursue you don’t come after me and then don’t step up to the plate. Freak.
Thank you next!
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