Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Confused, sad and possibly violated?
- This topic has 54 replies and was last updated 2 years, 1 month ago by
Tammy.
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Lane
For the record, I would be FEELING everything “A” feels right now if in her position BUT I wouldn’t sit around and stew or avoid it for days/weeks, I would DISCUSS it, in person, (not text or email) within a day, two at the most to find out the rationale for him not only doing it; but then to figure out any other important stuff you need to know from there.
That’s what I did with mine, and although I didn’t like what he did [no, he didn’t cheat but hid something from me]; I came from a place of trying to understand *why he did it* in a non-confrontational and rational manner, and because of this, he felt safe to do so. When you put someone in a “defensive” position you aren’t going to get the information you want or need, so you need to make them feel safe enough to talk about. When I calmly listened to his explanation, I was able to come to a place of understanding as to why he did it, and knowing that he deeply regretted it; and promised to never do it again, I was able to move past it, and in doing so, our relationship/bond grew stronger.
Men are human. They are going to F up, where some are forgivable, and some are not but you have to get all the details in order to determine if its a minor faux pas (like mine was) or a major one. This could be minor or major but without any detailed information to draw from, its impossible to know.
Raven
I think she’s discussing it with her attorney…
Lane
As she should and they will be able to determine if there is anything to pursue or not.
I do believe having a calm discussion with him before she posted *may* have given her the answer(s) and/or information she was truly seeking, from him (the direct source), not some strangers scattered around the country sitting behind a screen. I really hope she posts back with more information.
Tammy
Angie n liz. I soooo agree with you guys. Wht that guy did was really shitty!! Recording a sex act?? If he had cheated thats another case. But he went way beyond that! This is akin to almost being ra**d, gross violation of her privacy, trust! How dare he film her widout her knowledge? Who knows where this recording wld land!! Why the eff shld the op live in that stress and wonder what if? Yuck!! Its not a mistake! Having a one off fling also sounds way better than what this guy did! And instead of explaining, he simply said i understand if you dont want to continue after this!!
There is smthing called integrity in a relationship. If he can do smthing like this what else is he capable of? Just because some woman did him wrong in the past doesnt give him license to violate pther women or turn into a creep!
Am sorry if i sound way tooo vehement! But just the thought of this ever happening to me fills me up with rage and at the same time dread! I so soo soo feel for the op and hope shes coping well with what happened.
And yes only the op knows what she shld do going ahead but i doubt it wld be easy for her to get over this betrayal!!
Tammy
My above post was written 2/3 days back not sure why it got posted now. Anywys hope she has been able to talk to the guy and understand just what happened. He was her friend before becomin her bf. If he realises his mistake and is truly remorseful and ready to do anythng to make it up to her, who knows?
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