Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Confused. Should I be worried?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
tammy.
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Ashley M
I need some advice. I met this guy a couple weeks ago and we’ve been on one date and it went great! He texted me the next day and told me he had a great time and likes me and can’t wait to see me again. We really connected and have so much in common! On a separate note, he just moved to another state but has friends and family where I live so he’s going to be in town once a month or more.
We’ve been texting pretty regularly but I noticed that sometimes in the evenings he drops off and doesn’t respond till late the next day and this has happened a few times. Does this mean he’s not really that interested? I know it’s early, I just had a bad dating experience before where my BF would do the same thing and he was with other girls, partying, etc. I just don’t want that to happen again! Should I be concerned or is that a sign he’s really not all that interested?
Thanks for the help!
Liz Lemon
He just moved to a new state. He may be out with new friends, or he may be dating. He has the right to date other women.
You two have only been on 1 date, and it sounds like it went well and he would probably like to see you again the next time he’s in town. But you have no commitment or exclusivity with this guy. You can’t worry about what he’s doing. If he’s out partying and out with other girls, you have no say over it.
You should take a big step back. You’re way over-invested in this, considering you’ve had one date and now he’s moved out of state, which will make any kind of dating situation more complicated. Don’t be laser focused on this guy. You should be out enjoying your life, engaging in your hobbies, seeing your friends, and yes dating other guys. You will know if he’s interested if he asks to see you the next time he’s in the area. If you see him the next time he’s in town, that’s great. But he’s not your boyfriend, so don’t expect him to treat you like a girlfriend and text you endlessly.
Connie
Take a breath and step back. It’s not unusual for your mind to start racing over what if’s. That can happen when you like someone. However, it’s not ok to let those what if’s take control. You end up with fear based adrenaline rushes and then create worry to feed the need for more adrenaline.
I started a rule for myself about a year ago when my ex and I were reaching the end. I’d wait a minimum of 24 hours to vent to a friend after whatever bonehead move he made. At first it was hard because I was fired up and wanted to let it out. I was feeding my need to keep the adrenaline flowing by keeping the drama alive. Once I started waiting and giving myself the chance to settle, I found that I didn’t even have the urge to call a friend to relieve anxiety because I didn’t have anxiety. I didn’t have worry over him when I stopped artificially keeping it alive.
Give yourself the chance to settle. Go out and do things. Find something you are passionate about. Believing in a cause really does bring satisfaction and peace of mind. When you have that you won’t want to bring worry about texts and what if’s into your life.
Sophie
No, you shouldn’t be worried. He has no obligation not to go out or date. What’s more important is you don’t have an obligation to not go out or date. You are boxing yourself in worrying about this. You’ve committed yourself to watching your phone and counting minutes between texts. Your mood should not hinge on his input. By watching, waiting, and worrying you are willingly handing him the keys to your happiness. Don’t hand that control over to anyone.
Letting things unfold naturally doesn’t mean you sit around and wait for the man or passively accept wherever and how far he takes it. It means you keep in touch with your value and let that guide your actions.tammy
i think at this point it would be prudent to not over invest. u guys have just met once and hes now moved away. pleas dont put all your eggs in one basket. its too soon. till you guys meet few times and feel there could be something possible, i suggest you should stil be on dating apps and keep meeting other men.
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