Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Confused with this guy
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
mama.
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Ry
Dom is a guy I met almost 4 years ago. In the first year, we went to the same campus and we had a great FWB. After a few months, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted. But the relationship didn’t go so well, I developed resentment because he wasn’t romantic& putting me first (u know campus guys). After like 2 months, we broke up over a small issue. Then I met another guy who was everything I wanted in a boyfriend. Dom came back a month later but I told him that I choose this other guy(who I broke up with a year later due to faded attraction on my side). Now, after every few months, Dom has been coming back to see if I’m still single and then if I can’t date him, he disappears. Two times I’ve rejected him because I was dating. The rest of the times I’ve rejected him because there are few things with him I wasn’t contented with. When COVID started, he told me how much he has changed and he believed that if I gave him the chance, he would be the boyfriend I’m looking for. But I rejected him because I just needed to be single and give myself big break from the dating world. Due to that rejection, he disappeared again. Now, last week, I suddenly missed him and I gave him a call. We talked about our lives, we laughed, I joked how his voice had changed and he said that if I had time, I should give him a call and see if he has also changed. I didn’t ca him again, but he called yesterday. He told me that it was his free day, so he wanted to know if I was free so that we meet and play a board game. But I was busy. I don’t know if I should call him and meet up (of which I know he will bring up the dating issue). I don’t know if I should date him for real. I don’t know what I should consider in determining if I should date him. Should I call to meet, or should I let this possible dating opportunity slip by? How do you guys determine if a guy is the one? I just don’t want to reject Dom again while he could be the one. We connect quite well. I’ve asked too many questions but it’s because I’m not the type of person to do many casual ratings, I prefer to wait for someone with a future potential. I appreciate you reading & your response.
Erin
My advice is, talk is cheap, you can only deduce a man who says he wants to be with with you, based on his actions. A man who has changed and improved himself will not just talk about it, but also show it and walk his talk.
So if he wants to meet up, i.e plans are solid with date and time then meet him, just not at his house.
You would text him something like “Hey Dom, I’m good to meet but I would feel comfortable if we meet someplace else, say how about coffee/lunch/ice cream/picnic.
I know you’re familiar with each other but let him take you to a proper date outside his house. Sometimes house dates are a clever disguise for sex especially during the first dates.
And don’t pursue him, this means don’t initiate calls or texts or dates or try to do his work in ‘wooing you’ for him. Let him do the pursuing and see how consistent he is and how much he is investing himself for another chance with you. Remember he is is the one on a test run here, not you!
It you want something real or meaningful then maybe don’t be so quick to sleep with him but let him know you again outside the bedroom.
If you want a meaningful, no games, no bs relationship this is what you might need to do. Hold yourself to a high standard and let him prove himself as a man.
mama
I don’t mean this to be offensive but you sound bored and know this guy is a sure thing and want a companion to pass the time.
Maybe give your single life a little more time to set in. I think it would be really unfair to “Dom” if you decide for a third time to reject him.
If you honestly think you have genuine feelings for him, then start trying to figure out if those issues you weren’t “contented with” in the past have been resolved, and figure out for yourself what qualities you want in a man and explore whether or not he possesses them.
But I’d first take a look at the reasons behind why you “suddenly missed him”. On the surface it sounds disingenuous, but you know yourself better than a bunch of strangers on the internet.
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