crush on my coworker!!!and I'm married!

Please do not mistake infatuation with love. You have been in a passionless relationship for so long that male attention started a spark in you but you have circumstances to decide on.

Are you staying married because of children, finances, etc.? Did you love your husband at one time? Can you work on getting that back? If your husband is agreeable then work on your marriage – go get help.

If that is a dead end then you have important decisions to make as to how you want to move forward.

I would bet this new guy did find out you were married and wants no part of a triangle…I know I would not.

And yes I’ve stayed because of children and economy.

Thank you for your answer. I’ve already finished my employment at that office. I think he was genuinely interested in me, just as much as I was in him, but then he found out I’m married. All of his action pointed to that he was interested, the way he was checking me out, how he always would be fiddling with his hair when I was around the way he looked at me when I entered a room. And yes it can be like an aphrodisiac to be noticed by such a handsome intelligent man, but I have managed to keep my emotions cold before, but not with him. It is just so sad. I’m a good looking , positive woman who loves life and laughter, intelligent and nice, and I have a man who doesn’t notice anything of this. And meanwhile maybe the next love of my life just let’s me go because I’m “married” ( only on paper as it is now!!!)

Yes you’re right i haven’t thought about that i kept my confidence through these yes, and i’ll really try to keep it intact. Thank you Dauny

Very similar predicament I’m in. Married for 3 years and undergoing therapy, but it’s about known we will not make it. I can’t find the spark in her anymore and we agreed we rushed into this. We were friends before we got married and now have 2 kids, I just know deep down its over. There’s also an attraction I have for a co worker who just always stays on my mind. I’ve attempted to avoid and forget about her but I can’t. She returns the glances and little flirtations. It started with eye glances that were being mutually returned and now we talk by email or in person on work related issues but deep inside I know it’s for us to be closer to each other and talk. Because she can ask on of her superiors on questions that she asks me and vice versa. One day we made eye contact and it’s been bananas since. I have this feeling she also feels the same. My situation at home has prevented me from confessing anything. We’ve only been to 1 counseling session (wife and I) but if this attraction continues or if it’s made known to each other (my co worker Lauren) that we have mutual interest I will tell my wife during a counseling session. It’s been too hard the history we have to the point where we’ve told each other we are unhappy. Even if I’m wrong about Lauren, the fact that someone else speaks volumes about the current state of my marriage that’s alarming and I will confess at least a general sense that I have attractions to others, if nothing transpires with Lauren. I’m not looking to be judged, it’s just me being honest. I will not pursue anything until my wife and I are over, but this attraction has been going on for about 4 months and is intensifying.

Leave your marriages because you are not happy, do NOT leave because of a crush ..as it may not work out with the crush…or they may suddenly noon get want you…when the thrill of a married guy/ gal is over. ..or you come with the baggage of kids and / or alimony etc.

Ask yourselves 2 questions :
1. would your life be better with your spouse not in it
2. would you still leave your spouse if your crush no longer wanted you ?

IF the answer to these is YES. ..run from your marriage and never look back. Thinking and hard before you do run though.

Myself…I believe life is too short. We’ll be a long time dead to spend it with the wrong person.

So many folk stay unhappy and in marriages believing they are sacrificing themselves because of kids or mortgages. Kids…aren’t stupid. They realise parents aren’t happy. they will recover sufficiently from a divorce. and money. ..is money. A commodity. you…recover from it somehow. Be poor and happy. ..rather than stuck loveless….With your money getting spent anyway.

I think your instincts are right and he backed off because you were married. Who can blame him? If you were single would you want to be with a married man?

This isn’t just about him. Your feelings towards him are increased by what’s lacking in your life. Affection, passion, intimacy. He represented all of those things for you.

There’s nothing you can do. He’s not interested so you have to let it go. Have a really hard think about if you want to carry on in your marriage though.