curveball

I guess I will learn to not believe it when someone says all these things to me. How can a person be so cold:( Time for one last cry. Lol

I said I know that and I really like you too.

Thanks. I am so sick of guys telling me how nice I am and how much they like me. I am going to not send him anything and hopefully then I will see what a true ass**** he is.

Melissa, how are you today? Have you heard from him?

If it makes you feel any better I’m in a similar boat this week. Spent 4 amazing days with him over the weekend – really close etc – and he went home on sunday, and I’ve barely heard from him since! 3 days of coolness. I am not worried though. Because I am SURE he will spring back once he starts to miss my amazing chat! I am not contacting him, and I’ve planned a weekend full of things with my family, my friends, and my stuff. He’ll be back to normal service next week, and so will your guy but ONLY if you give him a chance to see the space where you should be is empty. If you keep filling that space with texts and prompts then he won’t miss you!

Ok Melissa, let’s stay strong through this together. We’ll make a pact, no contacting him first. I won’t if you won’t! Then you’re not alone x

Firstly Sassperilla, I loved the way you referred to tokens and letting them ear interest – genius!

Secondly, Melissa, I totally feel for you here, but totally agree with what everyone has said. You gotta wait it out. You don’t really ‘let’ anyone do anything. People will do what they want to do, you can only be responsible for how you respond to that. You will feel a million times better by sticking it out and will keep your head held high. Guys do just deal with things differently. I had this a few weeks ago with my guy – he came to stay with me for 4 days and we had an amazing time, was lovely. Then after he went home I didn’t hear from him for almost a week. I was a mess but decided to vent to everyone but him. Eventually he called and told me he’d been going to stay with other friends and getting a new phone, etc. I was so glad I hadn’t freaked out to him and sent some of the texts I had drafted!! At the time I felt like they showed dignity and decisiveness, but after he called me I realised he would’ve though “WTF?!” if he’d got any of the feminist rants! I pulled right back after that and after finding this site, and after a couple more weeks of slightly intermittent contact from him things kicked up again and when he came to visit recently he was a lot more full on and making future plans. I’m not saying that means everything’s perfect and will last forever, but it made me realise that once you pass the sick-feeling, stomach-turning, stressed-out period and regain control of your own emotions you will feel OK, whatever happens. I do believe that with most of them, when they start feeling strong emotions that freak out and need to process that themselves. It’s not their normal state so they need to problem-solve alone about how they deal with this new state of affairs in their life. They may decide to say ‘yes, I like this feeling and I’m ready for it’ or they may decide ‘No, i’m not ready for this’. PLEASE don’t think its about you, or whether your lovable or ‘worth it’, etc. (my thoughts in previous relationship breakdowns). It’s just a case of timing, matches and ownership for your own happiness. Be there will open arms and an open heart, if he comes back or not. Wish you all the luck x

Why does everyone say don’t let this hurt me? Because it does. He really meant what he said to me then to be confused and leave me? It hurts. A lot.

So sorry Melissa.

No one doesn’t think your hurting, we know you are and unfortunately TIME is the only cure to heartbreak. You will get through it, we all did/do, and you will find the right man who will treat you with the care, respect and trust you deserve.

Kari, it really depends what’s going on in a man’s life at the moment. Majority of the time it doesn’t last more than a few days, but if things are really crazy then it could last longer…heck my ex husband went into a 4 month depression due to a really bad work issue around our 12th year of marriage and then when it finally was cured he sprang back and was like a completely different man. Its amazing how much a man’s job/career affects them, especially the go-getters like mine was—if its not going well in their career world then chances are it won’t be in the relationship either.

Melissa, I suggest you take a time out too, like really try to not think about him. Think of and do things that are not related to him. Force yourself to do that for a week, and by the end of that week you will have clarity.

Things can go either way, he may come back and he may not. Don’t be sad till you know for certain, cause that is a waste of emotions.

Kari, I wouldn’t take it more than a week. I’d either move on after that or contact him and ask what’s going on/what’s it gonna be, and then either move on or meet up with him and have a talk depending on his response.

I think you’re texting is way too much. I know he said he liked the mushy texts, but maybe that’s just a little too much for only being together 3 months. I know my boyfriend only uses texting for making plans. So texfing my feelings to him wouldn’t be as good as saying something in person. And even then I’d keep it simple.

Maybe the mushy texts made him feel like you’re more into him then he is into you. And you continuing to text him even when he bailed on plans is continuing to proof that he has you. I know its hard but you need to not text him at all right now. Id dress up, go out with some girlfriends, and just try to have fun! Remind yourself of what a hottie and catch that you are. If this guy can’t see that then his loss.

Lane,

what did you do while your ex was having a really bad time with his career? Is there an article or a topic about this here?

I didn’t over text, those were every once in a while and he told me not to stop them! I’m not a crazy texter. I am not needy and clingy and he also told me that he liked that.
My problem is I have been dumped before but they never showed me thiers feelings like Eric did. That’s Why Im Dealing With This So horribly.

Thanks for all the support everyone. Do any of you believe that when a guy gets scared like he did that they feel at all bad? I just want to make myself feel better I guess knowing that I meant something to him. I don’t believe he could just do this with out any feeling.