Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Cut off point for not going on date tonight
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by
FancyNancy.
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R
Met a guy a while ago online. Wrote him off because his messages were brief and assumed he was quite boring. He kept getting in touch though and asking me when I would go on a date with him. Then he started calling me and everything changed – I realised that he’s just not a texter, he was very chatty and friendly over the phone. He phoned me about 8 times while he was working offshore during the last 2 weeks in April. He’s now home for the whole of May. I have a very busy month and identified tonight as the only free night to meet him and go on a date. I’m only just back from a week’s holiday abroad – during which I wasn’t really in touch with him v much (it was a busy holiday!) so we messaged last Sunday while I was aboard and at this point he was saying “can’t wait for out date” and sending kisses and wankie faces (I realise how ridiculous this sounds!) then I next got in touch with him yesterday Friday ( I got back from holiday late Thursday night) I just asked him how his exam had gone that day, he answered my question and then I said I was on my way out for dinner and drinks with my friend (fri night) so that was the end of that. So tonight it the date night, but I haven’t heard from him about the arrangments. It’s now 3pm. Does this mean it’s not happening? Do I wait to see if he gets in touch – maybe he’s just relaxed and assuming it’s happening? At what point do I decide I’m not going? Do I get in touch with him? Argh.
He seemed to pursue me lots. And because I was away for one week, it’s blown over? Is this what happens with online dating if you’re absent for a little while? FFS!!R
That’s was meant to say WINKIE faces!!
sarita
I have above same problem with all my lady friends. They make appointments a week ahead. I have planned everything – and then they dont follow through. Really! I dont know what to say and dont want to risk losing the friendship. If a man did it, I can understand he has work, busy, career or whatever, but my friends are all homemakers. So cant figure out.
redcurleysue
I take it your plans did not include time and or place…
I consider myself a woman of integrity no matter how a man acts. I would continue to prepare for the date until I know we are not going…5 minutes after the date was to start.
Then I would dress back down and consider him a dud. I clear my mind of duds…they are time wasters.
FancyNancy
If I don’t hear from a guy by the night before, I text or email, hey looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, pls send details of where we are going so I can dress appropriately. If you haven’t heard back by noon the next day, it’s off… do something else. I send this msg early evening so he has time to plenty of time to respond. If he hasn’t answered by 10 pm and leaves it to the next day, he’s losing points unless there is some profuse apologizing.
I know some ladies say leave it to him but this way I’ve shown him up front what my standard is – that I expect at least 24 hrs notice of our plans – and also it leaves me time to do something else and not stood up at the last minute.
R
We said Sat night drinks in a particular area of town (not a specific place or time thoughh) and this has been on the cards for ages – whilst he was working offshore and whilst I was on holiday. So presumed the precise details would be discussed yesterday (but I suppose I cut the conversation short as I had plans) or today – and that hasn’t happened. It’s got to the point if it doesn’t go ahead, rather than being disappointed, I’ll be like “yep he’s just like every other guy!”
So do I just leave it? Or get in touch in a little while (it’s now 4.30pm) amd just say nice talking to you, I presume tonight isn’t happening. See you later type thing? He knows tonight is my one free Weekend night in May.
R
But is that not just nudging a man to do what, without your nudging, he never would have done off his own back? I want the guy to be the one to make a date happen? I don’t want to feel like it only happened because I made it happen??
R
sarita, I think your friends aren’t prioritising you BECAUSE they are homemakers. Sadly a lot of women lose sight of their friendships because they live only for their man/ kids. :( maybe you should explain how you feel – if you lose the friendship you’re not actually losing anything as they aren’t being a friend to you anyway?
FancyNancy
R, in your shoes I’d text him now and say what I said. I would assume you are on as Sue said. Saying I guess we’re not getting together is weak and lets him take the easy way out. There’s nothing wrong with asking a question about what his plans are so you can dress accordingly.
On the occasions I’ve done this once… I’ve never had to do it again. They get it. Or they disappear very fast.
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