Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Date cancelled – too sensitive or pulling away
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Amy.
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Amy
We are still at early stage of dating (up to a month), and we have slept together in the last two dates. We are still active on dating apps, but it is obvious that I like him a lot. We haven’t talked about exclusiveness although we agree that we won’t sleep with others.
We were supposed to have another date today, but he pulled out as he is not feeling well. Earlier, he told me that he would let me decide, but then he decided not to see me. This coincides with the situation that he stopped saying good night to me but still being active online. Today, I was the one who said good morning whereby he replied he might not be able to meet.
The vibe is just funny. I know I should not care about the good morning and good evening text, but everything seems interesting after last time. This might have built up anxiousness in me and also because of past dating histories.
Regardless, I have given him a polite response and decided to take a step back.
But I want to ask, is he pulling away or me being too sensitive? How would you handle anxiousness in dating someone.?
I may need to learn to control such feeling regardless.
Anyway, thanks ladies and guys.
Lane
This is the problem with sleeping with a man too early in the dating process, and just so you know one of the TOP TWO reasons women, like yourself, post here. Texting is the other, so you you got snookered by both sadly.
Stone cold truth: Sex doesn’t affect men like it does woman due to their hormones, which behave/act the OPPOSITE of ours (read that a few times). This is why you cannot sex a man into a relationship, if anything, you can sex yourself OUT of one because the man never emotionally bonded to you, was never going to fall in love because HE KNOWS that if he throws out some flowery words he can hook a lot of female fish, and then unhook then when he’s done playing with them for a bit.
Seriously, dating is man v. woman! A man wants sex, and a woman wants a man’s heart! Only until he’s given you your heart first (has fallen in love, and expresses it) is the only way to know if its *safe* to have sex with him. Men KNOW what to say, and do, to get a lady in bed quickly. Heck it only took him two dates to get you, and 10 – 1 if you didn’t sleep with him he would have dropped you, and moved onto an easier target (fish).
This has nothing to do with being anxious—it has everything to do with your overactive hormone’s, which are the same one’s that bond a woman to her newborn child btw (its very powerful stuff)! Your anxious because he’s now pulling away, and feel duped but the thing is you could have avoided this if you had held out for a little while longer, as he was going to drop you with or without it. You really need to be much much smarter with men, and only by holding out on the sex for a few months to see if his words, and actions (WORDS + ACTIONS + TRUTH) mesh up on on a regular and consistent basis, can you really know if he’s “in it to win it” (fallen or falling in love) OR the “hit it and quit it” dudes.
You have to know the different between LOVE and LUST/INFATUATION—they can FEEL and LOOK the same but true love is much CALMER because you feel very safe and secure with the man because YOU KNOW for sure he loves you. When you feel the opposite of the way you do with this man, then you’ll know its love but you have to give it more time for it to develop and grow to be sure :o)
Tallspicy
You should not be contacting any man who is not your boyfriend first. And you should not be sleeping with men and agreeing to sexual exclusivity without actual exclusivity. There should be no difference if you want a relationship.
And you should give 0 fs about any man not your boyfriend.
We cannot answer your question because we dont know, but acting like a girlfriend before he earns a girlfriend is a waste of time. Let him do all the work until he asks you to stop seeing others. And keep seeing others.
Alice
Amy, you need to pull way back from this guy. Don’t initiate texts, don’t be the one to setup dates and if you do see him again don’t sleep with him anymore.
If he’s cancelling dates, still active on dating apps and slowing down on communication then that’s why I say it’s time to pull way back.
Amy
Thanks, I have sex that early is due to my insecurity, not an easy trait to change but learning.
I have deleted his contact and I won’t initiate any contact or dates.
Peggy
Hi Amy. Think on this-having sex early because you are insecure just makes for more insecurity! Then you wonder if he just wanted sex and has/will disappear. STOP! Do not sleep with someone until you are certain he likes you, because of his actions and not just words, that he is interested in you for qualities besides sex and that he is hoping to find a relationship.
Work on your confidence and develop interests and hobbies besides dating.Amy
It’s interesting that all of you think it’s him pulling away. I think both Peggy and Lane have their points, no confidence, so setting my boundaries low, he withdraws, I feel anxious as such. The underlying fact is a sense of self-prophecy – I will never find someone who loves me.
I have always had a variety of hobbies, but in regard to relationship, I have no confidence but I am starting to dismiss the self-prohibecy, working on it and getting better.
Thanks for the advice 😊
Newbie
I think most posters here go woth what ypu said and that is that your gut senses something is funny. Having sex doesnt mean low boundaries but if you feel you have to there is a real receipe to help you not to in the future. Sometimes lane uses it: guys dont fall in love with you in the bedroom but outside it. When you connect in a way that is meaningful to them. I can agree to this.
And when you feel no one will ever show up, its time to make self love a serious program (this is also not from me but t from ny) and a breakTallspicy
The good men like boundaries and limits. So use them for him and for your confidence.
Amy
Thanks, ladies for giving me your advice, which has given me new perspectives. I ended up spending more time focusing on other aspects rather than thinking about the situation too much.
We are still keeping in touch (mostly initiated by him), and he is very sick and stays home every day. Perhaps, I should have given him the benefit of the doubt and not second-guessing.
Regardless, I have decided to step back a bit, such that I could give him some rest, and that I could take some stress off too.
Once again, thank you, ladies.
Lane
Amy, stop entertaining this dude. He is *e-tethering* (look it up) you and since you have no boundaries, he’s going to keep throwing you crumbs—only birds eat crumbs, stop being a bird.
Amy
Thanks, Lane. He is really sick but regardless, I do agree that he is not as invested as I am. The truth is hard, but anyway, I have stepped back, busy with other aspects, and started dating other people too. He needs to step up if he wants to. Otherwise, leave me alone.
Once again, thanks =).
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