Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Date mentions his ex when we are dating
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 2 years, 4 months ago by
Kat.
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Brownie
So I had 4 dates with a guy. It went really great and we have so much in common especially when it comes to values. But one thing is he mentios his ex sometimes. He did say that they were together for 3 years, and he was so depressed after the breakup. This was 5 years ago. I did feel it came from a place of “opening up” and he was being honest about his past. But I also thought he shouldnt be mentioning her since I am there and just focus on me. So after the fourth date I told him “we can be just friends, since you are so comfortable bringing her up”. He said he was just being open and honest about it. He said he understood how I felt and that he’d respect whatever my decision was. He seemed a bit shocked 😅 Anyhow a couple days later, I told him that I felt I jumped the gun 2 quickly and apologised. He said “don’t ever do that again”😂 he said he felt really sad when i told him lets be friends, and he got really upset. And said that he liked me a lot and started believing we could have a serious relationshio🙈 he said you should have told me to stop talking about the ex right then and there, instead of holding a grudge.
Do you think it’s normal for guys to mention the ex, and would it be right to continue dating him? 😓
ps: no sex before marriage here(religious values n all dat😅)
A
Girl no. You did the right thing the first time. You should have trusted your gut. Also, you had nothing to apologize for. Bringing up the ex once on a first date, fine. Bringing her up on all 4 dates? MAJOR red flag. I have ended things with guys over the same issue. They are not over them if they keep bringing them up. Think about it this way. If your ex was on a date with a new girl he liked and he kept bringing you up, would you think he is over you? No. Guys who bring up ex’s are not over them. Period. He’s going to be a confused, hot and cold, emotionally unavailable, I like you but I’m going to keep you at a distance guy. I’ve been through this before. They all act the same. You can do better.
Raven
I had a Coffee date eons ago & the mail topic was his ex… I RAN & fast!
Raven
Mail- erp- Main
Tammy
See whether he brings up the ex again the nxt 2/3 guys u meet.
Tammy
The next 2/3 times you meet..
Ewa
I was in the same situation but I’ve told the guy that I don’t want him to bring up his ex and that he is clearly not over her by the look of things . He apologised and has not mentioned her again since.
See what your guys does but it is still early days you barely even know him.Liz Lemon
This guy broke up with his ex 5 years ago! And it wasn’t like they were married for decades. Yes, a 3 year relationship is significant, but they’ve been broken up almost twice as long as they were together at this point.
I think it’s a major red flag that he’s brought her up on 4 dates. It would be a huge turnoff for me personally. It’s a sign he’s not over her.
Think about it, if you were on a date with a new guy you liked, would you bring up an ex? And multiple times?Rubi
Has he dated anyone or been in a relationship with anyone after things ended with the ex he keeps bringing up? If no then he is not over it. If he has and he still keeps mentioning it that much then that could be a reason his relationships in between that ex and you did not work out. He is still soul searching.
It is totally normal that a person that was hurt from their last relationship would want to share what had happened with the new person they are dating, however you can tell when they are still hurt and not over it and this absolutely includes bringing them up a lot especially when you didn’t ask them anything related. Also comparing you a lot to them and also places you go and things you do reminds them of their time with the ex. All signs he isn’t ready for someone new.
Kat
I am in a long term relationship with a guy and in the begining he did bring up his ex. I think to write someone off is a poor decision. depending on the context dont we want the men we are with to open up. If he is explaining the cercumstance to you and that he was effected, isnt that ok. take him for his word ask him to not bring it up but tell him you wish him to be honest about the reason he brings her up. Maybe he too has been hurt and is guarded about making the same mistake.
I find if a man tells me about there ex im ok as long as he can own his part in the curcumstances of the break up and how he has moved on.
if he is keeping his devoted love afloat that is the red flag.
Men are affected with break ups as well let him express his emotions however set your comfortable boudaries and if necessary explain why you are uncomfortable
this is an amazing platform to form good communication
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