Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Date this Weekend- First Time Long Distance Advice Needed
- This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 2 years, 7 months ago by
Tammy.
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Gaia
Hey Everyone,
I took a little time off from dating because it was frustrating. Many of you have helped me through my other relationship fiascos so thought I’d post some good news. While I was at a reenactment event I met one of the security guards. He was dressed up. I fed him since my gig is medieval cook. He volunteered he was single. I did the same. Then we seemed to hit off with some things in common. He was super polite, sent me a message after the event and we’ve been talking since via messages, texts, but he prefers to call.The first week he officially asked me out. Circumstances determined where I was going was going to be too far of a drive. I’m in PA. He’s in MD. But he was determined to make up for it so we compromised on a half way point for this coming weekend.
I’ve never attempted long distance dating. Does anyone have advice? I’m usually against it. However, the vibe with this man was very different than others I have met. Also he met me when I was definitely not looking my best, no makeup, and melting from heat and cooking over an open flame. I just find that hilarious that I’ll almost always look better than when he met me.
Anyway, I’m only a little nervous. Decided to get a hotel for the night just in case the date goes well so I don’t have to drive home in the middle of the night. Last night when talking to him. He mentioned he did the same. That gives me hope that we both think it will be good. We are going to a raspberry festival and then dinner at least to start.
Appreciate the advice!
Gaia
Oh I should note also that the mention of the hotel was not sleazy at all. He has been nothing but proper and a gentlemen.
Raven
How exciting, Have Fun!
Liz Lemon
This sounds awesome! I can’t think of any advice other than to go enjoy yourself and see where it leads. PA to MD isn’t *that* far, it’s not like you’re across the country from each other. Please keep us posted :-)
Gaia
I’m sure it will be fun. I’m pretty excited about it and I’m just going with the flow. He does make that pretty easy. Like I said, the vibe is very different with him than anyone else I’ve met.
MD isn’t that far. We are approx. 3.5 hours away from each other. I drive that for reenactment events on the weekends with no issues. It just happened that I met him at one of the last events I was working at as well. He was working at it as a volunteer security guard because it was close to his house and he wanted to enjoy the festival.
A lot of the major events I work at are near his area or not very far. So distance shouldn’t be a problem. As long as he’s willing to come to me as well. I like so far that he’s all about making it convenient for both of us.
Kim
I’m in Australia so not sure of the areas where you are located, but my husband and I started out as long distance. We were both living in different states. It can work if both people put in the effort to keep the connection. You just need to make sure that you try and talk a bit everyday once you both know you want to keep things going.
As one of the other posters said make sure you are not always the one travelling to him. He needs to travel to you as well.
Maddie
Gaia, get to know him a bit and see if you click. If so, it’s worth a try as long as at least one of you can eventually make a change to close the distance and is open to doing so. I met my guy during the pandemic, and he was also a similar drive away to your situation. Normally I wouldn’t have gone for that but we had work flexibility with the closures moving our industries remote, so it turned out not to be a big obstacle. Neither of us were sure it made sense due to distance and took the first couple months pretty slow, but kept enjoying our conversations until we started planning actual dates. We were a good match so it all felt incredibly organic and always had momentum. It always felt EASY in spite of the distance and pandemic! And now we’re getting married :) We did make sure to spend a lot of in person time together as we got serious, and supplemented it with video and virtual dates. No need to rush ahead to thinking about any of that yet, but it’s totally doable if you’re a good and compatible fit. Being in a similar life stage also helps (we were both ready to settle down with the right person).
Have fun on your first date! It’s exciting to know you already have a bunch in common, too. Hope it goes well, but focus on getting to know him rather than jumping in.
Gaia
Thanks!
I don’t plan to jump into anything. I definitely don’t mind slow at this point. We hit it off really well at the event I was at so I expect the date to be really good. It’s odd because he’s long distance yet putting much more effort into dating/trying to date than other guys who don’t live far from me.
I know I shouldn’t compare but I was talking to a guy for a few weeks, made suggestions about meeting (he lives 45 min or less away), but there was always something that prevented him from meeting up… saving for a trip to his son (reasonable), recovering from the trip, driving to pick up his nephew in the city, saving to help his kid, etc.
Then he doesn’t message for days. Then yesterday sent a dozen messages and a video clip. But still no actual effort for a real date which is irritating. Especially because here is this other guy almost 4 hours away ready to rearrange his schedule to have a date with me as soon as possible.The male species is very strange to me.
Sorry, went on a bit of a side trip, tangent. I’m excited and just going with the flow. I figure worst case scenario is that it doesn’t go well and I just go enjoy the pool at my hotel LOL
Liz Lemon
As the regular posters here always say- it’s important to see if a guy is consistent over time. So you just have to give it time, see if his words and actions match, see if he is consistent and escalating things at a healthy pace. Just enjoy the weekend and go with the flow, as you’ve said– observe and get to know him. Have fun and good luck! Please post an update later :-)
Gaia
Update:
Date went wonderfully. It was probably one of the best dates (date weekend) that I’ve ever had. We clicked and it felt natural, easy. I admit I was a little nervous. He was as well. I’m looking forward to getting to know him better. It appears the feeling is mutual.He did ask me on about 25 follow up dates LOL
We have a lot of things that we would like to do/show each other in each of our areas. We just need to figure out the when part now.I can’t wait to see him again :)
Liz Lemon
That’s so wonderful to hear!! Awesome, Gaia! :-)
Raven
Yay!
mama
Double Yay!
Maddie
Great! Glad it went well, it sounded very promising!
Tammy
Thats great!!!
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