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- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Jen
How many dates a week is too many for someone you just started dating?
Sophia
I always felt two dates a week at the most was the right pace. More than that can be love bombing.
Better off facing reality
Go with your gut. With what makes you feel comfortable. Keep your guard up. Enjoy the company.
Better off SINGLE
Not everyone out there is f×cked up and trying to get something out of you or use you.
Tallspicy
2. More than that is usually fantasy plus chemistry without focusing on compatibility.
Liz Lemon
At the very beginning I’d say 1-2 dates a week. You need to pace it. I agree with Tallspicy and Sophia that if you overdo it at the beginning, you start building up a fantasy and it clouds your judgement of whether this person is really someone you’re compatible with. It’s not about assuming the guy is trying to fXck you over, it’s about being clearheaded and letting things develop at a healthy pace.
redcurleysue
One or two a week is plenty. Gives both of you away time.
Jen
Ok thanks everyone.
Another quick question! Do u think the guy should do most of the asking to see u? Or should it be equal? We’ve gone out 4 times and he’s done most of the asking.
T from NY
Men should do 100 percent of the asking the first few months. Show interest but don’t believe his interest until at least 90-120 days has passed and he asks you to be exclusive. But a man who wants to rush in, or ask you too soon to his GF is probably for the most part – not a good bet (means they are insecure, flakey so will burn out quick, or they are controlling).
Maintain your own life. Continue to date. The first 90 days at least it’s the man who should be asking. Women should show interest and enthusiasm all the while protecting their heart. Get to KNOW HIM. Let him show you what kind of man he is. Let him show you what his true interest is – which is only shown over time.
Jen
T from NY darn I seen ur reply after I initiated our next meetup. I just let him know it would be nice to see him since he always initiated. Wrong?
Tallspicy
Jen,
If he is very very very consistent… totally ok to suggest it every now and then and initiate texts. But, as an FYI, if you are going to ask, be direct. I would love to see you again is needy. It still suggests he needs to ask, and you are not confident he would ask. Next time just say… there is this thing I am going to check out, want to come?
Liz Lemon
I think it’s OK to initiate if he’s showing strong interest and asked you out 4 times. I think waiting 90 days (which is 3 months) to do any initiating at all could very well be interpreted as low interest by the guy. Just my opinion. There’s no hard and fast rule, as long as he’s been consistent and shown strong interest.
In my case with my current boyfriend (who I’ve been with for a year and half), I let him take the lead with scheduling our first date, he asked me out on our 2nd date during the first one, etc. He seemed very interested so I spontaneously suggested getting drinks one night while we were texting, which wound up being our 3rd date, and he jumped at the chance and said yes. I didn’t even give it much thought, he made some comment over text about how he could use a beer (it was a hot summer night) and I said, let’s go for one! Turns out (I found out much later on) he thought I was slightly out of his league, and was relieved that I was interested enough in seeing him to initiate a date. It gave him enough of a confidence boost that he really picked things up after that. And we’re still together & very happy, so it worked out.
My point being, there’s no hard and fast rule with this kind of thing. I think if the guy is being consistent and showing strong interest in you, it’s fine to initiate. It really depends on the circumstances. I agree with Tallspicy that you should be confident when you initiate and don’t make it seem like you have doubts whether he’d want to be in your company- don’t drop hints- just be direct.
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